AIBU to think that if you want Rupert and Emily to stop running you need to grab hold of them

[Morgause]

We have had a lovely day at a National Trust house. Lovely to see families out enjoying the sunshine and having picnics in the grounds. And lovely to see that most DC were behaving beautifully while still having fun.

Rupert and Emily were exceptions. We went inside the house and turned a corner to see Rupert charging through a room narrowly missing several people. The guide in the room told him he mustn't run. His dad said he had to do as he was told. Rupert shouts, "No!" and runs off pursued by Emily. Mum tells dad to stop them. Dad says she should stop them. They run back. Mum says in the most ineffectual voice I've ever heard, "Rupert and Emily you mustn't run, you could hurt yourselves." "Or someone else," remarked the guide.

Rupert and Emily run round mum in circles. Mum shouts at them to hold her hand, they won't. Dad says he'll take them out. Sadly, he doesn't.

Rupert and Emily run into the next room and crawl under the red rope sectioning off the "do not enter" area. The guide tells them to come out. They won't. Mum and dad arrive and tell them to come out. They won't. Dad steps over rope and grabs them. Sadly he lets them go again and they run off.

We decided to explore a different area of the house.

They were aged about 4 and 6. God help their teachers.

MrsKoala - DS1 was very much like yours, as a toddler. He didn't get out of his buggy much, unless I had DH with me to tag team. When DS2 was born, the HVs very kindly came to our house to weigh him, after a while, when they realised that undressing and dressing DS2 and keeping DS1 safe and occupied was pretty much impossible. When he started nursery, I looked around the room in horror, realising that there was so much for DS1 to get into. He did get into those things, bigtime, but that turned out to be instrumental in supporting the referrals we needed for him. The nursery manager was the first person who really convinced me that, no, it's not my parenting, far from it.

I was predominantly thinking of the OP our as she revels in posting threads like this - I know its "bad form" to refer to other threads, but I recognise her name from similar "I saw a terrible parent today" threads (in which she always mentioned several posts in that she did it better).

I actually agree the kids should have neen removed by the parents, it wasn't the day gor that familiy to be in that setting, but the tone of the thread is so holier than though and reminicent of people I know
IRL who love to recount how dreadfully somebody
else's parenting/ child is, and how much better they kid themselves they handled it 15, 20 or more years ago

• apologies for terrible spelling and random stray letters!

If you know it's 'bad form' why do it Tea? This is a forum designed for people to let off steam about stuff. It is also a forum which has a strong focus on parenting. So obviously posters are going to use it to sound off about various parenting/child stuff that annoys them. I'm sure many many posters on here have started several threads about annoying parents or badly behaved children, if any of us were petty enough to keep count.

Hmmm - if the OP is allowed to judge strangers, why am I not granted the same privelige upwith maybe I want to let off steam about all the similar judging... :o

Yes, but you've admitted yourself that it's 'bad form' to go dragging up other threads. Do you think saying 'oh I know it's bad form' makes the subsequent action okay in some way?

It's one thing to make general remarks about any perceived judginess you notice on MN, it's quite another to make snide little remarks about one individual poster's comments on other threads. That's quite a cheap way to try and win an argument. Surely you should be making your points based on what's been said in this thread alone?

Yes we all have shit days but actually it isn't about your child and how well-parented they are, it's about whether your family is causing problems for other people.

My 4yo DD is a stroppy feisty character and sometimes kicks off in a cafe/museum etc. We can't stop that happening, we have not raised her perfectly and somehow managed to teach her to control herself yet. But we can remove her, take her outside to calm down and not be allowed back until she can be quiet, so that other people don't have to listen to the screaming on their nice day out.

Likewise with running about and wrecking stuff. Take them outside!

We have some friends with a very badly behaved 10yo - I'm not blaming him or them for that because he may have undiagnosed SN or other issues. But ffs if he is making someone's life a misery get him out of there! Instead they just sit by and pretend he's not theirs, or at best say in a weak voice "DS don't do that" and think that's it, job done. Makes me fume.

I don't revel in posting threads like this, there have been 2. Lying doesn't add anything to the debate.

It's really creepy that you've searched for other posts by me, though, and even creepier that you think it's ok to lie about it.

Morgause I haven't searched at all, I remember posting on one, I remember your name as it is distinctive and we'd just seen a play about King Arthur when I first posted on a similar thread you'd started.

One of the reasons I namechange at frequent intervals. So I don't have to put up with this kind of irritating pettiness.

So 2 threads on a similar subject means I revel in in them?

I still think it's unpleasant and bad form to mention it. Maybe I should post links to all my former threads whenever I post about anything.

I'm about to post on Style and Beauty if you want to monitor my next few threads.

I can understand that after this, Upwith, I think I feel a name change coming on. A shame because I'd got attached to it.

I always thought it seemed a bit odd to keep name changing but the reasoning has been made crystal clear to me now.

Doesn't pain a great picture but OP you only observed for 10 minutes that is a snap shot. How do you know that 1 minute after you left the dad didn't explode and frog march them both out to the car.

I would have felt sorry for them it is horrible when your DC play up in public. I remember taking my DDs to one with my mum and DD2 misbehaving and as we reprimanded her she just put her hands over her ears and started jumping up and down saying "I cant' hear you Nana I can't hear you" I could feel eyes boring into me from all angles.

I have seen even the best behaved children behave abominably on occassions it happens.

Would you like to know some of the names I've previously posted under Tea. I mean, I might have form for coming on 'judgey' threads and defending the 'judgey' OP. That could be useful ammunition for you.

I agree those kids we're certainly too young Ti be inside an NT property, obvs there are exceptions but most kids of that age need to be outside if possible.
I think there is a widespread culture of weak parenting and I'm guilty of it too at times. My kids often run rings round me. I think our kids status is too high some how so they become little tyrants, all. Hard to influence a tyrant awash with a sense if his or her own gloriousness.

I know it's not considered good form to refer to previous threads but she's hardly sitting outside your house wearing binoculars.

That's a really interesting point, MrsJ. Little tyrants -n there are a few about.

*and

It's still bad form Harold and a rather spiteful way of trying to win an argument.

It feels a bit like she is, actually, Harold

If you say to your small child "keep still/ be quiet" and they don't - pick them up/grab them (as in thread title) and take them out!

It's easy. Embarrassing, but not rocket science - and not as embarrassing as standing there with them running rings round you.

Why don't people do this?

To those calling the op smug etc - and especially those admitting to have very 'lively' children. Would you honestly think a national trust house is a good/fun day out for them? Would you really let them run under the rope and stay there? Really??? I doubt it! The op isn't talking about kids running mad round a garden or park - where it is appropriate. I have a child with ADHD so of course I have had many many days were I look like a shit parent out and about. However she is 9 and has never set foot inside a national trust house, despite us being members for two years - because I know it is not an appropriate place to take her. Is it really too much to ask for other parents to make the same judgement call? We have had to leave places early on many occasions because of her behaviour - ADHD is not an excuse to ruin other peoples day out. Neither is the fact these children were clearly bored - a parent should have taken them outside.

(Sorry for going on about ADHD when it is not relevant to the op, but quite a few posters mentioned it).

Thanks, MrsJoe. I'd have held your coat for you at Kew.

I went to Eden Camp last week and there were parents letting children run up and down the huts shouting, even the Holocaust one.