AIBU to think that if you want Rupert and Emily to stop running you need to grab hold of them

[Morgause]

We have had a lovely day at a National Trust house. Lovely to see families out enjoying the sunshine and having picnics in the grounds. And lovely to see that most DC were behaving beautifully while still having fun.

Rupert and Emily were exceptions. We went inside the house and turned a corner to see Rupert charging through a room narrowly missing several people. The guide in the room told him he mustn't run. His dad said he had to do as he was told. Rupert shouts, "No!" and runs off pursued by Emily. Mum tells dad to stop them. Dad says she should stop them. They run back. Mum says in the most ineffectual voice I've ever heard, "Rupert and Emily you mustn't run, you could hurt yourselves." "Or someone else," remarked the guide.

Rupert and Emily run round mum in circles. Mum shouts at them to hold her hand, they won't. Dad says he'll take them out. Sadly, he doesn't.

Rupert and Emily run into the next room and crawl under the red rope sectioning off the "do not enter" area. The guide tells them to come out. They won't. Mum and dad arrive and tell them to come out. They won't. Dad steps over rope and grabs them. Sadly he lets them go again and they run off.

We decided to explore a different area of the house.

They were aged about 4 and 6. God help their teachers.

I'm certainly not name calling, I think I've been that parent, dear only knows what people think when they see me out in public.

All the same, ineffectual calling of 'don't do that!' clearly doesn't work in most cases, so its not unreasonable to expect the parents to at least try to catch them.

If being a perfect parent is never letting your DCs behave in such a way as these two did today then I accept the medal.

Yes, I did judge them. I judge any parent who makes no real attempt to engage with or control misbehaving children.

You get over yourself - you don't like threads like this - don't read them.

The only way I could cope is by never, ever making a threat that I wasn't prepared to carry out. So, if DS didn't hold my hand, he had three chances (I asked him three times) then I'd take his hand anyway and march him home. It was bloody inconvenient at times, but it worked.

Also, I eventually learned Teacher Voice. I once barked "stop!" at DS and friend not paying attention when approaching a road, and the random businessman (a stranger) walking alongside INSTANTLY froze! I didn't know whether to feel proud or mortified.

...YANBU. The parents aren't doing Rupert and Emily any favours.

The older I get, and my DC get, the less patient I am with other people's children who can't behave. . I just can not be doing with them running here,there and everywhere, saying "no" to their parents, their parents looking around them like a pair of wet drawers with that "isn't he/she cute" look on their faces!

Mine have, on occasion, been horribly behaved.

But you wouldn't have seen me bollock them. That's because if they acted up after one warning, I would remove them (and bollock them in private).

I agree that it's all about the tone of voice. Mine could tell the difference between 'just take the edge of that' and 'cease and desist immediately' from very young.

Some people really are crap at parenting their children properly.

To the women letting their dc run amok around the story teller at the Eden Project on Thursday - your children spoiled the experience for lots of other people.

I bellowed 'STOP!' at DS and his pal a few weeks back as they were running off ahead near the road. They stopped. DS sulked, and his friend looked utterly scandalised at me shouting at them. His mum doesn't shout at him. I WISH my children would respond to quiet warnings, but they get into a zone where they can only be reached by mummy barking at them. Then I get judged for being shouty. Sigh...

You really can't win, can you?

Slugs - how do you know people don't know what having lively children is like?

These parents made threats they didn't carry through and allowed their children to disrupt other peoples enjoyment. I think the op was right to be pissed off!

You're making me embarrassed. I wouldn't take them into an NT house unless there is a 1:1 ratio as they are so difficult (it's been a long week, can you tell?) . Thing is, I have to take mine out or they would kill each other (ADHD in diagnosis), and sometimes they are impossible when out too. I have learnt to my cost that with my particular DCs grabbing their hands in attempt to halt mayhem results in melt down, lying on floor in attempt to release my hand, and kicking. Judge as you will but that's the reality.

They really love going to interesting places though, an d indeed sometimes this is the only thing that will focus them , and sometimes fore an amazing train of interest.. It is their heritage too.

I do my research and pick my places and battles
though...

I bet you a dime these smug parents have had a day or five themselves were they have been ineffectual at telling their own kids off. No one is a perfecr parent at all times FGS. Unless you know them personally and know this isnt a one off, why bloody judge? Puhlease...!

YANBU they need a stern voice and face, like they mean business ffs

Lol @ someone not knowing what having lively children is like. All children are lively however the ones that are ALLOWED to run riot are the ones who give them all a bad name

I hate these threads. Just pure smug judging. I know I am not a shit parent. However if some people saw a snapshot of my DS running round like a complete maniac, well, your pants would be hoiked so high, you wouldn't be able to read your Daily Fail.

Anyone's kids could be those kids some days. Mine can be beautifully behaved little darlings on many occasions, and others can run around like hamsters on speed and pay sod all attention to what I say. So I don't raise an eyebrow at all to children having a mad moment. I probably would wonder why the parents didn't just take them out after the second time they ran off though. I would have gone outside to let them run off steam in the gardens instead in that position.
That said, you left them behind shortly after and you have no idea what they did once you walked away so it's a bit harsh to judge them on such a little snapshot.

My children were far from perfect but they were generally very well behaved when we took them out.

This was because we gave them boundaries very early on and if we made threats we carried them out. DH and I didn't expect each other to control the DCs we did it together.

Several times we had to remove one or both DCs when they misbehaved and they learned that there were consequences if they played up and disrupted other people's enjoyment.

If parents can't be bothered to make any effort to control their children then they do get judged.

And, usual, I don't need your approval or permission to post threads.

But kids shouldn't be permitted to CONSTANTLY run amok. If they continue to do so they should be took home. Why should their parents right to a day out trump everyone else's?

Morgause I have boundaries, I parent, I helicopter and I remove if DD misbehaves. However, sometimes you are tired, sometimes you have to be somewhere because you are waiting for someone, or there is some other reason. Sometimes you have just had someone tell you off for shouting so you are trying not to.

Sometimes, like yesterday, you come home and cry because all the yummy mummies with quiet, shy children treated you like shit because your DD was the loud one. They don't know you're waiting for a referral because your DD's understanding of what she is told isn't there so she CAN'T understand your requests.

I think everyone can sympathise with (normally well behaved) DC suddenly having a vile patch in public.

But that's not cater blanche for letting them continue to be vile in a place where they are disrupting others. If they cannot behave after. Fair warning, they should be removed (you can always blow off steam outdoors and try the house again later).

We were there for 10 minutes before giving up and going to a different part of the house, it wasn't a mad couple of minutes.

We all know children can be naughtyits wetfeeble parenting the op is on about , they passed thebuck threatened and didnt carrythrough feebleness gets on my wick

Of course YANBU. I am a tour guide on something which attracts lots of families in an environment which could be risky if children don't obey instructions. The number of parents who let little Camilla and little Tarquin run about everywhere and seem to completely absolve themselves of any responsibility makes me mad. It means I have to do the disciplining.

I had one mother the other day literally begging her child to "please be calm" (at the same time as pumping him full of snacks).

Yes I did judge. Why wouldn't I?