AIBU to think that if you want Rupert and Emily to stop running you need to grab hold of them

[Morgause]

We have had a lovely day at a National Trust house. Lovely to see families out enjoying the sunshine and having picnics in the grounds. And lovely to see that most DC were behaving beautifully while still having fun.

Rupert and Emily were exceptions. We went inside the house and turned a corner to see Rupert charging through a room narrowly missing several people. The guide in the room told him he mustn't run. His dad said he had to do as he was told. Rupert shouts, "No!" and runs off pursued by Emily. Mum tells dad to stop them. Dad says she should stop them. They run back. Mum says in the most ineffectual voice I've ever heard, "Rupert and Emily you mustn't run, you could hurt yourselves." "Or someone else," remarked the guide.

Rupert and Emily run round mum in circles. Mum shouts at them to hold her hand, they won't. Dad says he'll take them out. Sadly, he doesn't.

Rupert and Emily run into the next room and crawl under the red rope sectioning off the "do not enter" area. The guide tells them to come out. They won't. Mum and dad arrive and tell them to come out. They won't. Dad steps over rope and grabs them. Sadly he lets them go again and they run off.

We decided to explore a different area of the house.

They were aged about 4 and 6. God help their teachers.

I thought this might be about me for a moment, I'd grab my children to stop them running if the little gits didn't always run in opposite directions.

Mine love NT houses but not age 4 and tbh a wild 4 yr old would infect my calmer 6 yr old. However...I would have left the house with both securely held and taken them outside.

I've shouted at my kids, they've played up. It happens. You can tell the kids who are completely ignoring their parents and always do whilst the parent ineffectively and disinterestedly makes token disciplinary effort however

Often the difference is how resigned or embarrassed the parent is. I'd be mortified at that behaviour

I took my mum out for a late Sunday lunch today. A family arrived. Mum, dad, granny, girl 6/7 boy 3/4.
They sat at table children said nicely what they wanted. Parents talked to children for a while. Then gave iPads. Food arrived iPads away. All ate and chatted. After main boy went on iPad while girl and adults chatted.
The family had pleasant meal, other customers had pleasant meal.
As I left I complemented the mum on her well behaved children.
She said it was only cos they had iPads that they were behaved.
IMO it was a good strategy. It worked. They had pleasant meal so did everyone else.

Well done to those parents.

What I hate about these threads is the refusal by some to believe that there are children out there who's parents HAVE set boundaries from early on, who ARE consistent, who DO only make threats they will carry out and who DO remove their child, but the child is STILL a ball of wild, bolting energy who gets so overwhelmed by their surroundings that they can't / won't do as they're told.

DS is 3.5 is getting slightly better, but I don't care to remember how often family days out have ended up with DH or I sitting in the car with a howling, thrashing boy while the other one makes a miserable attempt at enjoying whatever we'd set out to do in the first place. We wouldn't take him to NT property and I gave up on story time sessions ages ago, but threads like this remind me that wherever we do go, there will someone judging DH and I - both constantly exhausted by the effort of trying to keep him under control - as wet and ineffectual parents. Thanks.

sounds like ignorance to me they mean well they are trying to control them they just dont understand whatr they are doing

I think it's harder to get back a bolter in front of other parents- if my bolter made a run for it, I could tackle her and hold her hand, but she would then scream very loudly and throw herself on the floor. I have to admit, I probably wouldn't go through a NT property with two very over-excited 4-6 year olds for that reason. It is a learning curve though, my two are very sensible now aged 8 and 10 but at 4 and 6 not so much so and they certainly did do things like messing about when a tour guide was speaking.

My eldest was a bolter, she bolted under the security cordon in the airport and set off an alarm. The problem is when they are too old for reins (which I used for many years) but too young to behave nicely and are prone to a tantrum.

There was also the time she ran into the sea with all her clothes on and refused to get out, that was a fun experience with all the other holidaymakers judging me as I got more and more irate at the waters edge.

Mine are now extremely well-behaved, we go to restaurants a lot, no major issues at all with behaviour, but it was not always thus and I used to find they were good 80% of the time with a surprising 20% to keep mummy and daddy on their toes. Perhaps this family misjudged the event as suitable and didn't fancy dragging their children out screaming in front of the other parents.

I've got one of those mrsfrumble and I certainly wouldn't be judging you.

I am pretty sure that everyone has had a horrific family day out at times and could get a thread written about their "shitty" parenting.

I mean they should have taken them out in retrospect but maybe the thought of dragging them screeching through the house was not that palatable either.

It's hard going sometimes.

Dh and I had a rare meal out alone last night. There were two seperate families in the restaurant, both with two young similar aged children. First family had taken a couple of little books and some paper and pens, they were joining in with their children's games, drawing them little pictures to colour, taking to them. The children were really well behaved.

The other table, the children are being ignored by parents, father busy on his phone, (on Facebook), mother just looking like she can't be bothered to speak to her children who are both then playing up, probably out of boredom but noisy and disrupting other people, getting down from the table, crawling around on the floor and generally messing around.

Yes, I judged the second family, if you take your children out, know that you have to interact with them and deal with them. If you look like you are trying to parent your children I don't judge, I think it's good at that you are trying, even in difficult circumstances. But you have to try.

If you look like you are trying to parent your children I don't judge, I think it's good at that you are trying, even in difficult circumstances. But you have to try.

That's it exactly.

They were trying though, just not to your satisfaction.

Best looks of all are reserved for those of us who don't bother chasing our errant three year old, because we know she will stop when she gets to the road.

The open mouthed looks of horror as you push the buggy with DD 2 casually after her were always fun.

Conversely I got some equally odd looks for reminding my very academic, clever DD2 to look crossing the road by school aged 8/9. Roads were the one thing she was infinitely more dippy about than her scatty dyslexic sister.

Well in the parent's defence, making the two children walk round a NT house probably was their punishment. Saying that they'd take them home is a very ineffectual threat

It is only 2 yrs later that I can look back at laugh at the time I took DD to a local NT plave and, as it was quiet, decided to go into the house. DD was 2.5 & generally well behaved. I was 35 weeks pregnant and massive. The first three rooms are fine; fourth room, DD spies a grand piano and shoots underneath it and just sits there. It wasn't roped off, didn't have a "don't touch sign" on it and nor was she actually being disruptive but I felt so embarrassed & judged as I ineffectively parented and tried to cajole or bribe her out as there was no way I could get to her. It was a very long 15 mins before she got bored & came out from under the piano. We then had to do a whistle stop tour of another 10 or so rooms - including going upstairs - as the room guide person wouldn't let me deviate off the set route and go back out through the entrance. The only bright spot in the trip was when, in the car park, an elderly man said "she came out in the end then. They keep you on your toes at that age, dob't they?" and reminded me that her behaviour wasn't that unusual and wasn't just down to a parenting failure on my part.

The other week I realizedu had come into town without thw reins for DS backpack. I went to the poundw shop and bought a (dog) lease to clip on. DS is a runner. Judge me all you like, I am numb to the huffs and bosom hoiking these days. If you think you could do a better job, be my guest, I''ll be in Starbucks.

DS is 85% of the time utterly adorable, polite and a joy. When he was laid on the ground in the supermarket car park screaming because his banana broke... Not so much. And yes Mrs Catsbum Face in the car opposite, I did wrestle him into his car seat with the belly poke/karate chop move. We all have shit days.

one of mine would behave like that.... given the chance.
I am not daft enough to take them somewhere like that,(sensory overload is no fun for anyone present) and I have a grip of iron, a glare that melts metal, and if all else fails a strong left arm for carrying him out like a roll of carpet... unfortunately we still have to use the supermarket

he did escape in the library once though and I had to watch him do a lap and a half before he was catchable and put in time out. post school play rehearsal mega ASD/sensory overload. I hated seeming to do nothing, but doing something would have made it worse.

Ok, so am I the only one thinking that 'I'll tell you twice and then you'll get a smack' has it's advantages?

Yes, and I have also tucked a small person under my arm and removed her screaming from a shoeshop.

National Trust visits... 'this is a look and don't touch place. It is interesting but mostly for grown ups. If you play up there will be no ice cream. They do really good ice cream, you wouldn't want to miss it'.

My friend's nanny used to call 'Statues!' when any of the three, very lively, boys ran off. They had to freeze immediately. Worked well with small children (eldest would have been in reception, I think).

We stay in the gardens and parks at NT places.

'Toddler smashes priceless antiques! Parent's Shame!'+ Daily Flail Sad Face.

The sad thing, OP, is that the guide probably knew that if he had grabbed Rupert and Emily, told them off sternly and handed them to their parents to either control or remove he would have been in bother rather than thanked profusely?