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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to alter the dress without telling the bride?

178 replies

WeAreEternal · 30/05/2014 23:52

A friend has asked me to be a witness at her low key wedding marriage ceremony.

They decided to get married but don't want a big do so are organising the whole thing in a month, basically it is just a registry office ceremony with a couple of witnesses and immediate family and close friends, (I think she said there will be 11 people there.) then a meal at a nice local restaurant after.

She b

OP posts:
Original poster
WeAreEternal · 30/05/2014 23:58

She bought me a dress to wear that matches hers. She ordered it online with my measurements.

Her wedding dress, my dress and the other witnesses dress came today, the wedding is on Tuesday.

The dress is nice but fits badly, it's tight in the bust and hips and loose in the waist.
I took it to a seen stress to alter but she doesn't think she can fix it in time so suggesting putting a corset back in, as it's quick and means the dress will fit perfectly. It will also be cheap.

The problem is I don't think the bride will like the idea.

But on the other hand she has asked me to pay for the dress.

I know if I told her she will tell me not to do it, so would I be unreasonable to just get it altered, wear a shawl and hope by the time she notices she will be to happy to care?

OP posts:
Hakluyt · 31/05/2014 00:02

Why won't the bride want you to wear a dress that fits?

MrsTerryPratchett · 31/05/2014 00:07

If you genuinely think she will care and not like it YWBU to do it. Even if she's happy, that's not cool. However, you can put it to her that it doesn't fit, this is a solution.

strawberryangel · 31/05/2014 00:10

if it doesn't fit, then you can't wear it. I don't see what choice you have but to get it altered.

MrsWinnibago · 31/05/2014 00:10

How will putting a corset in make a dress which is tight in the bust and loose in the waist fit? Confused A corset will make your waist smaller and change the line of your bust.....and what do you mean by "Putting a corset back in" ?? Was there one in before that got taken out?

ShadowsCollideCantLogInToMN · 31/05/2014 00:11

If you're paying for it (which you are, both the dress Shock and the alterations), work away. My bridesmaid dress for my sister's wedding was slightly too loose, and while it looks fine in the photos from the church, in the family photos taken later on, it's slipping down and you can see the top of my bra (thankfully nude so not very noticeable). I'm sure that your friend would prefer you to in a comfortable, well fitting dress.

AmazingDisgrace · 31/05/2014 00:13

I was a bridesmaid for SIL, the dress didn't fit and she paid for the alterations. I can't imagine yours would want you in an ill fitting dressConfused

Peanut14 · 31/05/2014 00:14

You're paying for the dress so go ahead and get it altered.

MrsWinnibago · 31/05/2014 00:14

I suspect there's more to this. OP mentioned a corset "going back in". Did the dress originally HAVE a corset which she wanted removed? Did it make your boobs look too impressive OP?

Original poster
WeAreEternal · 31/05/2014 00:15

I told her it doesn't fit and sent her pictures, I told her I would need to get it altered and she made several comments about not wanting me to change the dress as, in her words, the whole point of getting the dresses was so that we all match.

The dresses are pretty much the only thing they have put any money and planning into, the rest of the wedding is just going to be very simple and casual.

I know she wouldn't like me changing it by adding a corset back, and if rather not as I don't really like then myself, but if I don't my only other options are to wear a dress that doesn't fit or send it to be altered the traditional way but risk it not being ready in time.

OP posts:
KarinMurphy · 31/05/2014 00:17

I think when the OP says 'putting a corset back in' she means making the back of the dress lace up like a corset so that the waist can be tightened and the chest loosened.

I'd do it and not tell the bride.

WillYouDoTheFandango · 31/05/2014 00:18

I think the OP means putting a lace up back like a corset in, rather than there was a corset that's going back in IUSWIM.

I think YANBU, just do it. She'll be too busy to notice on the day anyway.

motherofmonster · 31/05/2014 00:18

I think op means to put a corset back, into the dress, ie, cut the dress at the back, take out the zip and have it as a corset at the back instead x

Yambabe · 31/05/2014 00:19

I don't think OP is replacing a corset in the dress, rather putting a corset-style (lace-up) back panel in so it can be loosened where it is tight and tightened where it is loose by just pulling the laces accordingly.

Yambabe · 31/05/2014 00:20

xpost lol

CharityCase · 31/05/2014 00:20

I think she means 'a corset back', which is when you put an extra piece into the back of the dress which laces like a corset, so you pull the dress tighter where you need it and the insert provides extra material where the original dress is too tight. It's a cheap/ quick way if making a dress fit better.

OP- I'd just do it, so long as the material matches

Original poster
WeAreEternal · 31/05/2014 00:21

When I said "corset back in" I mean a corset in the back of the dress.
So the dress would be closed with ribbon corseting rather than the zip which is there now.

Putting a corset into the back of the dress will mean it can be tightened/loosened where needed, so it will fit perfectly when done up.

OP posts:
makemineapinot · 31/05/2014 00:21

Oh, takes me back.. My sil ordered sheath style dresses for all bridesmaids (one was a size 20, one a 16 and one had just given birth to twins) none of them fitted. It was awful. I dieted and just managed to fit into mine and held my bouquet over my stomach in all photos. The other bridesmaids went for those slimming wraps in the morning but burst their dresses during the evening after food and drink. All of us felt really uncomfortable for the whole day/evening, so please get it altered so it fits. In all sil's photos all you can see is straining material :-(

Original poster
WeAreEternal · 31/05/2014 00:22

Major cross posts.

OP posts:
MrsWinnibago · 31/05/2014 00:22

I don't think that's a major change then...but I still fail to see how a corset fastening will fix this. If it's too tight in the bust and hips then there's not enough fabric in it. I make dresses so know something about this...I could see how it may help the waist issue though.

I think you should look at a minimizing bra and some spanx and use the corseting to tighten the waist.

NeverTalksToStrangers · 31/05/2014 00:23

I assume she means to put lacing up the back, rather than putting the corset in again, lol.

I say wear the ill-fitting dress. It's her photos you are going to be in. If it looks bad, her fault. Funny how even low key marriage ceremonies have unreasonable brides.

CrystalSkulls · 31/05/2014 00:25

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Nocomet · 31/05/2014 00:30

I really don't understand why you simply don't talk to the bride.

Putting a lace up back in the dress doesn't change what it will look like in the pictures and it's a very good answer to the problem.

DD1 is a 12 I'm a 16, we can both ajust my lace up ball dress to fit perfectly.

strawberryangel · 31/05/2014 00:33

Nocomet, I think she's avoiding talking to the bride because she knows the bride will say no.

It's easier to ask forgiveness than permission!

slithytove · 31/05/2014 00:36

I think it's a great idea, just go for it. Has the bride provided a cover up of any type?

A corset back will give extra room as a new piece of fabric will go behind the ribbon, giving extra inches where needed.

I did this with my wedding dress having got pregnant after I bought it Grin

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