AIBU to alter the dress without telling the bride?

[WeAreEternal]

A friend has asked me to be a witness at her low key wedding marriage ceremony.

They decided to get married but don't want a big do so are organising the whole thing in a month, basically it is just a registry office ceremony with a couple of witnesses and immediate family and close friends, (I think she said there will be 11 people there.) then a meal at a nice local restaurant after.

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I would try a couple of different seamstresses too. Shouldn't take very long to take in the waist and let the seams out a fraction on the bust.

Why on earth does the bride want to be all matchy matchy with the bridesmaids? She'll look like a bridesmaid.

Minimiser bras don't work. They just squash your boobs round to the side a bit. There's less boob at the front, but it doesn't reduce your overall measurements at all because it's squashed into your arm pits instead.

Problem is, the seamstress isn't telling you the truth Op. A simple alteration to bring the dress in a little to fit would take less time than taking the zip out and adapting it to a "corset back". If you get weaving now I don't see any reason why you shouldn't be able to find someone who will alter the dress for you within the timescale and keeping the original design.
Speaking from experience here. I had a full-length ball gown nipped in to fit my waist and bust, plus a halter neck that tied added - within 48 hours.

Tell her the zip broke and this was the fastest way to get it fixed so you wouldn't spoil her oddly matching Bride/BM combo.

In the end, it's the brides day so I agree that going ahead without her knowledge is actually wrong.

You either need to persuade her that the alterations are essential to you being able to wear the thing or you need to live with looking a little misshapen for the day!

But it is her wedding and I think you should make more effort to find a way to resolve it without deception that could backfire on you.

Yes, it's easy to take in at the waist but if there's not much seam allowance it can be almost impossible to make more room at the bust and hips, which is why I assumed the corset back was suggested.

I also think this will backfire on you, that's a very different back to the dress than hers and if you all matching matters to her it matters.

I don't see why it is hard to nip in a waist and surely can't be less trouble than taking out a zip and adding a corset back.

The bust- well, you will just look well-endowed in the pictures.

I think it's cheeky that she asked you to pay for this to be honest, but now you are in this situation with a few days to go, it's not the time to upset her, and you know full well this will upset her as you know what she's said on the matter.

Good point Olga. If the dress is very small for Op it would be a problem.
I must admit, I'd probably just wear it and leave as soon as I could after the wedding.

I think it is a case of telling the bride that the options are putting in the corset back so that the dress fits and they all look the same from the front for the photos or not putting it in and the dress strains at the seams and looks dreadful in the photos.

I can't see that it would, but would a different bra make any difference to the tightness across the bust? Very thin fabric and no padding may take a small amount off the bust measurement. Ditto very thin knickers for the hips. A marginal difference perhaps but it may ease the problem...?

We get sent loads of freebies in work. Kotex was promoting a new type of tampon and decorated the toilets with twiggy trees festooned with fairy lights and tampons dangling from the branches by their strings.

A striking variation on twigs and pebbly shit that I put out there for consideration.

Oops. On the wrong thread

No way would I do it without asking!!

I had my wedding dress altered to a corset back - it looked nice but a drastic change.

Tell her you have to do it or put up with it. Ask the seamstress to leave your loose waist and fix the bust if she is short on time. Or tip her£20 to rush it through for you.

If I'd bought the dress, I would want it to fit properly. I don't get how this would not 'match' with the other dresses just because your dress fits?

But I think you had another thread about this wedding a while ago, so if you're the poster I'm thinking of it may start WW3!

If you are wearing identical dresses then how different in size are you to the bride - could she have your dress? Do you know how well the bride's own dress fits her?

Do you think she wants yours to fit badly so that hers fits well and looks really good and thus she looks extra good in comparison?

I think you probably have to be stronger telling her that at the moment it is unwearable rather than just badly fitting so that something has to be done - either it's altered or you wear a different dress... Otherwise it sounds like she is so fixated on these dresses being perfect and has invested a lot of emotion and your money into them rather than the wedding in general then to admit there is any problem with them is suddenly a massive thing to her rather than just one little detail to tweak and move on from.

If you're paying for it, you want it to fit surely?!

This is the only thing they've put much weddingy effort into, she's a friend you need to discuss this with her.

Thank you all of your replies.

The dresses are identical but different colours.
It's a simple strapless long dress with a shof

Well, she's put the effort in but you're having to pay – so you both have a say, really.

If she's a friend I think she would want you to look and feel comfortable in the dress. But I know how people can be when they're getting married!

I'd just present the options: get it fixed and it looks slightly different but fits; don't get it fixed and it will look bad on the day and in the photos.

With a shiffon type fabric top layer, iykwim.

The brides dress is white and the witnesses dress and mint green.

I don't want to upstage my friend at all, I want the dress to fit properly so that i look nice for her wedding.
I know it would spoil the day if I was uncomfortable and self conscious all day in the dress as it is now.
I can't move in the dress without my boobs exploding out of it, that's how tight it is in the busy, if anything my cleavage would be upstaging as it is, it's awful.

The seamstress said that she would need to add panels and take it in, which would be difficult with the shiffon, the corset would be much easier and she could do it in a few hours.

The dresses were ordered online from china, I don't know why it doesn't fit properly.

I think it would be worth trying another seamstress first to see if you could get it done without putting a lace up back in which sounds awful to me.

But, you're paying.

Is it a dress that you would/could wear again?

And if so, what look would you prefer for the back?

I don't understand how you can be one of the 11 most important people in the lives of the happy couple and you can't just have the conversation

theres the problem cheap dresses bought from china.

i would explain to your friend that you cannot wear the dress as it is as it doesn't fit and as your paying for it you will be getting it altered. the dresses will be coordinated in colour but not exact.

failing that you could ask the other witness if she minds altering her dress to so that you both match and the bride will stand out as its not an exact match.

i dont see what the brides issue is tbh

You need to discuss it properly with the bride. Has she seen what you look like in it?