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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to alter the dress without telling the bride?

178 replies

WeAreEternal · 30/05/2014 23:52

A friend has asked me to be a witness at her low key wedding marriage ceremony.

They decided to get married but don't want a big do so are organising the whole thing in a month, basically it is just a registry office ceremony with a couple of witnesses and immediate family and close friends, (I think she said there will be 11 people there.) then a meal at a nice local restaurant after.

She b

OP posts:
foslady · 31/05/2014 12:02

Ring her. Tell her the options are either (a) your boobs are hanging out and you look a bugger and so will the photo's or (b) the back that no one looks at is slightly different and the dress fits properly. If she still goes for (a), then let her know on her head be it (and take a wrap for after the photos - she'll still probably moan that you look different for wearing it but just tell her you don't want your boobs on display)

PenguinBear · 31/05/2014 12:07

Agree with foslady

Shewhowines · 31/05/2014 12:08

I don't think you can change it without agreeing it with her.

The dresses are the only thing that matter to her. She has said she wants them matching. Yours won't match if you alter it. It's her day. If she wants badly fitting dresses that match then that is up to her.

If they all fit badly can they all be altered with a corset back?

BrandyAlexander · 31/05/2014 12:09

Ugh, these tales of selfish brides always make me cross! Yes it might be "her" day but what kind of twat person wants a great day that involves others being physically uncomfortable?Hmm

I would just tell her it doesn't fit and you have no choice but to alter it.

LIZS · 31/05/2014 12:12

You have to tell her first. Any chance she gave you and the other witness each other's ?

BOFster · 31/05/2014 12:23

She doesn't care as much as she thinks she does, and she's got other things to think about. Just get it altered.

TheFairyCaravan · 31/05/2014 12:26

I can't see what choice you have but to have it altered. If it doesn't fit, you can't wear it, so what then? She is being a bit daft, IMO.

Greyhound · 31/05/2014 12:29

If it doesn't fit, get it altered but don't radically change the style.

I was a bridesmaid years ago in a dress that was far too big for me. I felt rubbish all day Confused

Trollsworth · 31/05/2014 12:35

Do not do anything at all to the dress. Turn up with your bust straining the seams. Make her look silly. Next time she feels like not listening to you, she'll remember how silly she made her own wedding photos look.

BigArea · 31/05/2014 12:47

Ooh LIZS good thought - have you checked this, OP?

BertieBotts · 31/05/2014 12:49

She won't notice. On the day she'll be so nervous and distracted that she won't even be able to tell.

Just do it.

PorkPieandPickle · 31/05/2014 12:50

I don't understand why you can't just say to the bride, "listen, the dress IS TOO SMALL, so wearing it as it is without alteration, is not an option, as it will burst. How do you want to proceed?"

HappyAgainOneDay · 31/05/2014 12:56

NeverTalksToStrangers

The OP is having to pay for the dress. If she has to pay for it, she should alter it to fit otherwise it's a waste of her money. If she's able to alter it to fit, she'll be able to use it again and her money won't be wasted whether it's £10 or £1200.

trixymalixy · 31/05/2014 13:28

Can you not send it back and swap for a bigger size, then have it tailored to you?

I would try a different seamstress, it sounds bollocks to be honest that the only way to make it fit is to put in a corset back.

Corset backs are horrid, if you know the bride won't like it then I wouldn't do it.

trixymalixy · 31/05/2014 13:31

If you are going to do it, then you need to let the bride know rather than her find out on the day.

WhoKnowsWhereTheTimeGoes · 31/05/2014 13:36

If it really is unwearable try another seamstress. But you've got to tell her what you're doing.

kalidanger · 31/05/2014 13:44

I understand that a laced back will pull it in at the waist so it's not baggy anymore but that's not going to solve the boob-busting issue, I shouldn't think.

Can you try a different seamstress/tailor? Someone quicker!

kalidanger · 31/05/2014 13:46

Trixy - OP said it's from China so she can't send it back in time.

I don't think the OP necessarily has to tell the bride she's getting it altered if it's just changing the shape, rather than adding anything.

God, I loved my last BM experience. Bride said "I'm wearing green so wear green" and that was it :o

indigo18 · 31/05/2014 15:06

I hate corset backs and would be surprised if inserting one improved the look of the dress. I think they are usually a cheap option for the bridal gown manufacturers so that one size dress can be said to 'fit' many diverse sizes. Putting in a proper corset back would involve boning the bodice so that you would not need a bra, and would require quite a bit of work and some extra fabric. Could a dressmaker let out any seams and take in round the waist? I don't think you should change the style without asking the bride first.

limitedperiodonly · 31/05/2014 15:15

I hate corset backs and would be surprised if inserting one improved the look of the dress. I think they are usually a cheap option for the bridal gown manufacturers so that one size dress can be said to 'fit' many diverse sizes.

My thoughts exactly indigo. It's rare to find a fellow hater.

PuppyMonkey · 31/05/2014 15:15

Can't you just go round to her house with the dress and SHOW HER the problem - and agree the solution between you?

(Loving the corset back jokes on this thread btw)

limitedperiodonly · 31/05/2014 15:18

I'd still go for it though, if the other option was wearing something that didn't fit. You could accessorise with a cape like Batman.

riverboat1 · 31/05/2014 15:20

I think you should either tell her in advance that you're doing it because the dress really doesn't fit at all and you just can't wear it all day without risking bursting out of it and feeling uncomfortable and self-conscious all day.

Or, as the previous poster suggested, meet up with her, put the dress on, show her the problem and plead for the corset solution.

I don't think you should just do it without telling her and turn up like that on the day.

limitedperiodonly · 31/05/2014 15:24

She won't notice. On the day she'll be so nervous and distracted that she won't even be able to tell.

She will, bertie, she will.

The things people assume about brides. Someone confidently told me that I'd be too busy to drink on my wedding day Confused.

I've never been too busy to make time for alcohol Grin

LoveBeingInTheSun · 31/05/2014 15:31

But she doesn't know there's a problem