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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to alter the dress without telling the bride?

178 replies

WeAreEternal · 30/05/2014 23:52

A friend has asked me to be a witness at her low key wedding marriage ceremony.

They decided to get married but don't want a big do so are organising the whole thing in a month, basically it is just a registry office ceremony with a couple of witnesses and immediate family and close friends, (I think she said there will be 11 people there.) then a meal at a nice local restaurant after.

She b

OP posts:
Thumbwitch · 01/06/2014 09:00

I suppose if it was comfortable across the bust and hips your idea would work, eddie but it isn't, it's tight there. And it's doubtful that there is enough fabric in the seam allowances to let the thing out to fit the bust and hips, which I guess is the dressmaker's problem, given the tight time constraints.

OP - I don't know what you can do with it, tbh - it sounds like it's a bit of a disaster and for you to have to pay for it as well is actually quite upsetting. :(

Peekingduck · 01/06/2014 09:03

Use these magic words "It will look horrible in the photos and take attention away from you".

SpeedwellBlue · 01/06/2014 09:47

The dresses are pretty much the only thing they have put any money or planning into

and they are wanting you to pay for the dress yourself. Sounds like a rum do. She'll probably invoice you for any Blue Nun and Iceland sausage rolls you eat after the ceremony.

zipzap · 01/06/2014 16:12

How much would it cost your seamstress to knock up a copy of the dress that did fit you if you could find some similar fabric?

I'd guess you would have to pay for it and you could leave the bride to deal with returning the dress that was the wrong size (I assume there must have been something in the contract about what would happen if the dress was the wrong size and didn't match the measurements sent). Not ideal but then at least you would be left with a dress that fitted and unfortunate about the bride being left to sort the duff dress but it's something she should have factored in if she was getting cheap dresses from china!

Have you spoken to the bride again recently op to say it's not wearable in it's current form, do I put in a lace up back or buy a new dress and not give her the option of wearing it in it's current state? And do we know how well the bride's dress fits or do you think she is having the same problems and trying desperately to ignore in the hope that it will magically be ok on the day...

eddielizzard · 01/06/2014 18:02

well they haven't put any money towards your dress because she wants to pay for it.

and she hasn't really planned it very well because it doesn't fit you.

i think the only thing to do now is send her a photo of you wearing it. that should sort things.

IrianofWay · 01/06/2014 18:13

Blimey! You've had to pay for it. The least the bride can do is accept you need to change it so you will look and feel comfortable and relaxed. What was her suggestion when you said it didn't fit?

Nanny0gg · 01/06/2014 18:20

Go round to the bride's house with the dress.

Put it on and show her.

Then ask how she expects you to wear it like that on the day.

ThinkingtheUnthinkable · 01/06/2014 18:32

Look !

If distance is preventing you popping round to see her and putting the dress on so she can see for herself what'll happen when you do anything other than stand still posing for photos, then just put the fecking thing on and have some one video you moving around and exploding out of the bust section in a most unbecoming fashion. Static pictures haven't got the message across have they.

Send her the video clip and let her see.

JonesRipley · 01/06/2014 18:47

Hmm

I think the bride has planned this badly and if it looks like a dog's dinner then she'd be massively unreasonable to get stroppy about it.

JonesRipley · 01/06/2014 18:52

I'd go the jokey route and ask her if she wants your norks to make an unscheduled arrival during the vows

DocMcStuffinsBigBookOfOuches · 01/06/2014 18:58

Maybe the brides dress looks awful on her too, so she wants OP to look even worse so she looks better by comparison?

WooWooOwl · 01/06/2014 18:59

Your friend is rude and selfish.

What sort of a person cares more about matching dresses than they do about their close friend and guests comfort and happiness?

Tell her that she has two options. You will either wear the dress as it is for the ceremony and photos then and she can pay, or you will get it altered, wear it all day, and you will stick to your agreement of paying.

VSeth · 01/06/2014 21:59

Try another seamstress? Where I am you would be able to get this sorted property in a day

diddl · 02/06/2014 07:56

OP, tell her it doesn't fit & you can't wear it.

Have you got time to dhop today for a dress of your choosing?

She'll just have to suck up the cost of the other.

Original poster
WeAreEternal · 02/06/2014 09:16

Sorry for the delay in replying, I was away for the weekend.

I showed the bride how bad the dress looks on and explained how uncomfortable I would feel in it and she said I should just do whatever I wanted, but she didn't seem particularly happy about it.

When I took the dress to the seamstress she used clips and folded where the zip is, clipped it then put lace in it, it was like a temporary corset. I don't really know how she did it, I think it must have been in the way she folded the bits, but it looked and fit so much better.

I did call a few other places for quotes when I first realised it would need altering but this was the only place that could do it in time.

So after speaking with the bride I told the seamstress to go ahead with the corset back.

I have just been to pick it up.
I was nervous to try it on but from the front it looks perfect, it fits great now.
I'm not a fan or corseting, so I don't really like how the back looks, but over the weekend I bought a shawl so that will hide it a little.

I just hope the bride it ok with it.

OP posts:
WhoKnowsWhereTheTimeGoes · 02/06/2014 09:23

Sounds like a reasonable compromise. There was no way of keeping everyone perfectly happy with this one, possibly the bride is more upset with herself for rushing the dresses in the first place and getting one that was ill-fitting than with you for altering it. Hope you all have a great day Smile.

diddl · 02/06/2014 09:23

Glad you've got it sorted out!

I wouldn't be too bothered about hiding the back though.

I'm not overly keen on lace backs-but you had to do it & trying to keep a shawl over it might be a pain.

Hope it all goes OK!

OwlCapone · 02/06/2014 09:23

Does the front look the same as it did before? If so, it'll look great in the pictures and that's all that will be left after the day :)

Thumbwitch · 02/06/2014 10:02

So glad you've got it sorted and the bride wasn't too sniffy about it! Hope she stays that way when she sees the re-fit.

Thumbwitch · 02/06/2014 10:03

(am I the only one who wants to see the dress?)
Grin

isabellavine · 02/06/2014 10:09

Just wanted to say... I am in awe of those seamstresses who can work magic like this. Wow!

diddl · 02/06/2014 11:10

"(am I the only one who wants to see the dress?)"

Possibly not, Thumbwitch BlushGrin

yellowdinosauragain · 02/06/2014 11:26

Me too thumbwitch!

JonesRipley · 02/06/2014 16:34

Glad you sorted it.

Your friend still sounds weird to me. Hope it's temporary Bridal instability and not permanent

DejaVuAllOverAgain · 02/06/2014 16:40

And me Thumbwitch

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