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Original poster

To have taken ds's prize off him for bad behaviour?

446 replies

Hangingwiththeraisingirls · 27/05/2014 18:27

Not sure if we were too harsh or not harsh enough!
Ds is 4, nearly 5, and we are away on holiday atm. We've been to a theme park today and there was a magic / entertainment show for the children.

The man started by saying he'd got a balloon animal to give at the end to the child he saw watching nicely and taking part the best. It was a lovely one, a big dinosaur made of quite a lot of balloons. Ds's eyes lit up and he sat all the way through, shouting out when told to, doing the actions etc.
The entertainer chose several children to take part. He teased these children, telling them they had stinky feet, were ugly, smelt like socks etc.
ds thought this hilarious.

At the end the entertainer chose ds for the balloon dinosaur. Ds leapt up on stage thrilled, had his picture taken and then unfortunately said to the entertainer 'you smell too, you smell like poo' he said it about twice before dh managed to get to him and tell him to stop it! Dh then gave the balloon back to the entertainer telling ds he had been too naughty for it and dragged off a wailing ds. He also has taken away half his holiday pocket money (£5) and told him he now won't be able to buy the dinosaur set he had his eye on.

I'm not sure if this was ott. Ds was rude but I think he was trying to play along and at 4 is unfortunately obsessed with poo.
Otoh ds needs to learn what's appropriate and what's not and both dh and I were mortified.

Were we unreasonable? It did spoil the day tbh.

OP posts:
TheFairyCaravan · 27/05/2014 19:22

You don't really think that's the first time something like that has happened to a children's entertainer do you?

Hullygully · 27/05/2014 19:22

QUITE RIGHT

I HOPE YOU WHIPPED HIS RUDE SORRY LITTLE ARSE AND MADE HIM READ THE BIBLE FOR A FORTNIGHT.

SPOIL THE ROD.

wannabestressfree · 27/05/2014 19:23

I think you need to address your husbands issues more than your poor sons. Your expectations seem Dickensian. He was just being four and was probably excited. Instead of overlooking the silly bit on stage and praising the behaviour that got him there you have both massively overreacted. Put it right and maybe read a 'how to raise boys' book by Steve biddulph.
Advice from wanna mother of three boys!

coppertop · 27/05/2014 19:23

If the entertainer can't take childish insults then he shouldn't be dishing them out.

It's also not your son's fault that he looks older than he actually is. He's 4yrs old, not 7yrs. I have a 3yr-old who wears age 6-7yrs clothing. Should I expect her to act like a 6yr-old??

Your dh sounds completely OTT. Not being able to take a step back and admit to a mistake is very weak behaviour, and not a great example to set.

chocolatewine · 27/05/2014 19:23

Don't stamp his confidence out of him. It's great that he felt able to join in. He will temper his reactions and behaviour as he gets older.

Young children, no all ages of children, learn so much more by watching their parents behaviour than by being told off, disappointed and punished.

DioneTheDiabolist · 27/05/2014 19:23

BTW, my DP is a children's entertainer and not only does he expect children to behave the way your DS did, he positively encourages it.

Roussette · 27/05/2014 19:24

You are trying to change your DS's character FFS. You get shy children, sparky children, confident children, and funny children. You are stamping on his character and trying to mould him into something else. My kids have very different characters and we have had to go with the flow and embrace that, hard though that is at times. And that doesn't mean they are badly behaved, they are not, if anything I am TOO strict.

As for your DH 'seething' I am amazed. How the hell are you going to cope with a teenager? This is absolutely nothing and I would have got my DC to thank the entertainer, then away from anyone else, I would have quietly explained that even though the entertainer had said funny things, he should not have done the same. It seems to me it's all about appearances as far as you're concerned. I think you both need to apologise to your DS and put things right.

flippinada · 27/05/2014 19:24

Your DH sounds like a complete wanker.

katrina81 · 27/05/2014 19:24

Bless him, give him a hug and give him his money back.

You should be embarrassed by your DH not by your little boy, you are his parent as well.

Unfortunately my 7 year old still talks about poo, we just laugh with her. They don't stay young forever.

LynetteScavo · 27/05/2014 19:24

Yep, you were way,way too harsh, OP.

A quite word in his ear of your disapproval would have been sufficient.

Your DS sounds like a smashing little chap! Smile

TheFairyCaravan · 27/05/2014 19:25

WRT the playground, you called DS back to play with you, but he likes to play with men because he misses his dad when he is away. Why did your DH not play with him?

AnnieLobeseder · 27/05/2014 19:26

Your DH needs anger management.

You both need to learn to treat your child as the child he is, not the one you think people perceive him to be. Teaching correct behaviour through punishment and humiliation is the way to raise a broken child.

I bet your DS will remember that day for the rest of his life.

Your poor boy. Sad

Roussette · 27/05/2014 19:27

What?

Your DH froze your little boy out for 15 minutes after this? Even after all the punishments? Poor little chap.. 15 minutes is a lifetime to a 4 year old. How bloody mean.

enormouse · 27/05/2014 19:28

Your DH is a twat who got disproportionately angry with a small boy. Is that really the kind of behaviour that you think it's ok to be modelled?

ashtrayheart · 27/05/2014 19:30

Is your dh always like this?

OrangeMochaFrappucino · 27/05/2014 19:31

Expect many more lovely days out and family holidays to be spoiled, OP. They will be ruined by your husband's disproportionate anger and your little boy will have a lot of unhappy memories of what should be enjoyable and fun experiences.

If he truly 'couldn't speak' to your son for 15 minutes after this, there is a real problem there.

MrsChickPea · 27/05/2014 19:31

I feel sad for your DS... those balloon creations... kids REALLY want those and are really proud of them should they be given one. I think your DS was funny. He was just reacting to what happening around him and I bet HE THOUGHT he was being funny. I'm sure he wouldn't have said it if he'd thought it was rude - would he?

morethanpotatoprints · 27/05/2014 19:32

Poor child isn't educated and socialised like any other child he's punished for not already knowing how to behave.
Your dh needs parenting classes if he is going to behave like this, why are you letting this happen? Shock Thought I'd heard it all but appears not.

teeththief · 27/05/2014 19:32

When DS was 4 he hit a holiday park entertainer between the legs! The entertainer had hyped all the kids up, DS got over excited and went OTT. I was mortified and we went back to the van telling him it was unacceptable behaviour.

The next evening the entertainer made a joke of it by wearing a cricket groin guard on stage when he saw DS.

These things just happen when theyre little.

Your DH went way OTT and your poor son deserves an apology (and his money back)

flippinada · 27/05/2014 19:33

Perhaps this is a bit overwhelming for the OP.

The more she describes her DH the more he sounds like a thoroughly nasty piece of work. What kind of bullying lowlife plays such shitty mind games with a 4 year old child?

I wonder if he has 'trained' his wife with the same sort of behaviour.

iklboo · 27/05/2014 19:33

Took away his prize
Halved his pocket money
Won't let him buy a toy he wanted
Wanted to take him back to the hotel
Wouldn't speak to him for 15 minutes

For (what he thought was) joining in the fun.

Way OTT. The punishment in no way fits the perceived crime.

What does your DH do when he deems you have done something 'wrong'?

Roussette · 27/05/2014 19:34

I thought I'd heard it all too. I don't know about a prize but I do know of a prize twat and he's married to the OP.

For goodness sake, listen to the MNers on here - no one agrees that what happened was right. Think on that. Rarely is there 100% agreement.

sunshinecity17 · 27/05/2014 19:35

It was fine he was joining in the banter.i bet the entertainer was mortified, and the other parents must have been horrified at your DS Sad

sunshinecity17 · 27/05/2014 19:35

horrified at your DH I meant, not your DS!!!

dilys4trevor · 27/05/2014 19:36

Sometimes if I think DH has been too harsh (or vice versa) I talk to DS and say 'look, I think we got a bit cross earlier and we shouldn't have. If you are a good boy today you can get a treat later.' Yes, a united front is best but it doesn't always work out like that.

A couple of times I have over reacted and then realized I've been an arse and taken away a treat when it wasn't called for, and have apologized to DS and said that sometimes grown ups can get cross and be wrong. Then lots of cuddles and 'I love you's.

Parenting is hard and obviously we sometimes over react and sometimes don't react enough. Just like in life!

Maybe give him his pocket money back in return for a good morning tomorrow (keeping the bar quite low). Whatever happens, don't let it ruin the holiday. And don't feel like that World's worst parent as a result of all these comments. Holidays can be stressful. You are a good parent, trying to do your best. And your DH is too; he just over reacted on this occasion. He may never admit that though!