To have taken ds's prize off him for bad behaviour?

[Hangingwiththeraisingirls]

Not sure if we were too harsh or not harsh enough!
Ds is 4, nearly 5, and we are away on holiday atm. We've been to a theme park today and there was a magic / entertainment show for the children.

The man started by saying he'd got a balloon animal to give at the end to the child he saw watching nicely and taking part the best. It was a lovely one, a big dinosaur made of quite a lot of balloons. Ds's eyes lit up and he sat all the way through, shouting out when told to, doing the actions etc.
The entertainer chose several children to take part. He teased these children, telling them they had stinky feet, were ugly, smelt like socks etc.
ds thought this hilarious.

At the end the entertainer chose ds for the balloon dinosaur. Ds leapt up on stage thrilled, had his picture taken and then unfortunately said to the entertainer 'you smell too, you smell like poo' he said it about twice before dh managed to get to him and tell him to stop it! Dh then gave the balloon back to the entertainer telling ds he had been too naughty for it and dragged off a wailing ds. He also has taken away half his holiday pocket money (£5) and told him he now won't be able to buy the dinosaur set he had his eye on.

I'm not sure if this was ott. Ds was rude but I think he was trying to play along and at 4 is unfortunately obsessed with poo.
Otoh ds needs to learn what's appropriate and what's not and both dh and I were mortified.

Were we unreasonable? It did spoil the day tbh.

I'm not offended MrsChickPea.

I'm in the same situation as you. Although I am a LP I no longer get CB. I agree I don't need t and I saved it for the DC when I did get it.

We are both lucky I guess. Either because we earn "too much" in our own right or our DP are fair with the finances and don't keep us in penuary if we do unpaid work inside or outside the home. Bt many many women, like the OP, to the outside world seemingly are in families who don't "need" it but who, in reality, most certainly do because their abusive partners keep them beholden on them financially. I wish it was still paid to all so that women like the OP had something, just something, for themselves and their DC

It's one of the reasons why I hate this government. But like I say, it'sprobaby another thread

The long and the short is that the OP is being bullied in a number of ways. One of them is financial

Can you try to get it through to your husband that the only person behaving badly in public and embarrassing themselves was him? And that by going off in a 15 minute sulk afterwards he was being much more childish than his son?

In the meantime Op, Catthiefkeith has offered to make your DS a new dinosaur balloon... twice. You might want to respond to his kind offer.

I'm a she.

Sorry, hadn't read the whole thread.

Cat did you check before you posted that?

Massive over-reaction by your DH.

Oops! Sorry Cat!

It's ok, it's a common mistake.

Going back to the original "crime" - on a stage in front of a big audience, who would have actually heard what your DS said unless he shouted it down the microphone?

Your DH has shown himself in a very bad light.

I suspect a lot of us who've been on this thread from the beginning saw your last post coming Hanging.

With or without CB or your own money you don't have to stay in an intolerable situation. Please post on Relationships.

Hanging - my ex was like your DH. I never knew which 'him' was coming home. Thankfully, we didn't have children - but I was the one who was punished for 'showing him up'. That could include making his friends laugh, saying something witty, disagreeing with him or contradicting him. It went on for 14 years and was no fun.

You have the strength within you to leave. I hope you can find the means - for your & your little boy's sake.

Dh is a sociopath IMO. I tiptoe around him a lot of the time. Sometimes he's completely reasonable other times totally unreasonable and you never know which reaction you'll get or why.

I'm sad to hear that, Hanging. Upthread I suggested that you both take a parenting class but if your husband is like that it's unlikely he would take part. I'm sure he knows everything there is to know already /sarcasm/...

You might still benefit though. It could bolster your confidence and ability to stand up for your DS. With a father like that, your DS needs someone who is on his side and who doesn't doubt herself.

I second the suggestion to post in Relationships and get more targeted advice on your situation.

Now feeling sad for both DS and OP

I agree that you would be better posting again on relationships.
There are some big issues with your DH starting g by the fact he is happy to control finances, your behaviour, always has the last word....

:(:( for you and your ds.

Dh is a sociopath IMO. I tiptoe around him a lot of the time. Sometimes he's completely reasonable other times totally unreasonable and you never know which reaction you'll get or why

No surprise to hear this, OP I know this is such a lot to take on and I feel so sad for you and your DS. But you can come back from this. The Freedom Programme and Women's Aid could help you here. As others have said if you post in Relationships, you'll get some really good advice. I wish you the best of luck

This thread upset me so much that I woke up thinking about it. :(

OP it seems to me you have two and probably three problems that need addressing.

Firstly, your husband is bullying you. :( Agree that you need to post on relationships, and start getting some support offline as well.

Secondly, your relationship with your son is not in a good place. :( Your empathy is largely going towards your bullying husband, you're letting your son be treated badly to save yourself abuse, and you're justifying this state of affairs in your mind by blaming your sons behaviour. You need to stop this now before it becomes so ingrained in how the family operates that your son becomes a permanent scapegoat and you lose the ability to see reality. Many on here have in adulthood cut off parents who treated them like this, so if you love your son - and I'm sure you do - you need to wake up and smell the coffee. Can I say a massive well done for seeking advice here, there are many who would simply bury their heads in the sand and let things carry on.

Thirdly, and this is just a guess, the fact that you've married a bully, and that you seem to have little idea of age appropriate parentning suggests to me your own family background wasn't all that nice or normal. I second the idea of considering a parenting course, I wish I'd done it when my dd was that age and my abusive background had left me with no idea.

Hanging, I'm guessing you posted this because your G's treatment of you DS felt wrong. I'm guessing the reaction of everyone else at the event was quite shocked, and you were looking for confirmation that your H was too harsh in his reaction to your DS (and you certainly got it!).

You need to work out now, how you manage this. I would suggest speaking to Women's Aid, because, at the moment, it could just appear that you and your H have a different approach to parenting. If he doesn't physically abuse with you or DS, then if you leave him, you could find yourself in a position where your DS is bullied, and you are not there to defend him.

You are in a very difficult position, I think, and I give you full credit for taking he first small steps to change things.

Hi Hanging I hope you are OK you have had a lot to read here and I'm sorry if some of it has been hard.

However your thread has received an almost unanimous response, and I suspect that deep down you knew your H was wrong before you posted. Well mumsnet has universally agreed you are right. So what now?

I experienced EA at the hands of older adoptive parents from age 5, a similar age to your DS. I grew to dread days out, parties and holidays, as there would always be a scene or an issue that spoiled them. And yes I remember. I have grown up not just lacking confidence, but I still find it hard to relax and enjoy myself, I still after 40 years expect something to go wrong. Hanging. Please, please don't let your DS grow up like this.

I don't have the answers but I do know that there would be support and advice for you on relationships when you are ready. Change won't be easy, but it is you DS' best hope.

Sorry, agree with everyone here. Poor boy.

Posted without reading the whole thread, I am very sorry Hanging, it must have been a very difficult and awkward situation, and it sounds as if it doesn't get much better when you get home. Reaching out a hand to hold if needed x