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AIBU?

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Original poster

To have taken ds's prize off him for bad behaviour?

446 replies

Hangingwiththeraisingirls · 27/05/2014 18:27

Not sure if we were too harsh or not harsh enough!
Ds is 4, nearly 5, and we are away on holiday atm. We've been to a theme park today and there was a magic / entertainment show for the children.

The man started by saying he'd got a balloon animal to give at the end to the child he saw watching nicely and taking part the best. It was a lovely one, a big dinosaur made of quite a lot of balloons. Ds's eyes lit up and he sat all the way through, shouting out when told to, doing the actions etc.
The entertainer chose several children to take part. He teased these children, telling them they had stinky feet, were ugly, smelt like socks etc.
ds thought this hilarious.

At the end the entertainer chose ds for the balloon dinosaur. Ds leapt up on stage thrilled, had his picture taken and then unfortunately said to the entertainer 'you smell too, you smell like poo' he said it about twice before dh managed to get to him and tell him to stop it! Dh then gave the balloon back to the entertainer telling ds he had been too naughty for it and dragged off a wailing ds. He also has taken away half his holiday pocket money (£5) and told him he now won't be able to buy the dinosaur set he had his eye on.

I'm not sure if this was ott. Ds was rude but I think he was trying to play along and at 4 is unfortunately obsessed with poo.
Otoh ds needs to learn what's appropriate and what's not and both dh and I were mortified.

Were we unreasonable? It did spoil the day tbh.

OP posts:
Original poster
Hangingwiththeraisingirls · 27/05/2014 18:55

Sorry, should say he didn't look very impressed.

OP posts:
Original poster
Hangingwiththeraisingirls · 27/05/2014 18:57

I had to talk dh out of taking ds straight back to the hotel.

OP posts:
onetiredmummy · 27/05/2014 18:57

This isn't about your 4 year old, this is about you. You felt embarrassed in front of the audience, you felt that your boy's manners were not good enough, you were so worried that everybody would think you are a bad parent you totally overreacted. You were so concerned with what others would think, you made your boy cry & humiliated him in front of everybody there.

You gave back his balloon.
He's had his holiday money halved
he won't be able to buy the dinosaur toy he wanted

That is OTT for such a small soul. He wasn't being naughty, he wasn't being rude, he was being 4. There's no need to stamp on anything, he had just been praised in public for his good manners & was the envy of every single other child there. He was on top of the world & you took that away & made his so called bad manners public.

Nothing can change that but I really think you need to ease up in the future & buy him the dinosaur set yourself at the end of the holiday & tell him its for his good behaviour & that you are proud of his manners.

WipsGlitter · 27/05/2014 18:57

I think this was way, way over the top. P&o would have thought you were an utter arse if I saw you do that. Plus giving the balloon back was one thing, taking his money away is a step too far.

As someone up thread said, he's just sat a listened to joke about smelling, he's far too young to realise it was only funny in the context of the performance.

You are really mean. I feel so sorry for your DS.

SanityClause · 27/05/2014 18:57

The thing is, do you want a biddable child, or are you looking to raise a successful, confident adult.

The entertainer was allowed to insult people in a funny way, but he must be quiet and good and "know his place"?

HighwayDragon · 27/05/2014 18:58

Way ott. Give him back his money, and apologise for your over reaction.

Nomama · 27/05/2014 18:58

Playing chase in the playground... presumably a designated safe space in your child's life, all playgrounds are, usually.

That's what kids do. And 'almost 5' doesn't make his behaviour any more wrong.

I am really sorry that you are getting all this negativity. It must feel awful. But please, have another read, especially of those that suggest you may have reacted due to embarrassment. You and your DH may have to have a rethink in order to find any joy in your son's life, especially at his age when they do all sorts of toe curlingly embarrassing things in total innocence.

I know this will sound incredibly patronising and poe faced, but please, find the fun in the kid's life before you squeeze it out of him. You all deserve more fun!

VampyreofTimeandMemory · 27/05/2014 18:58

the entertainer is in the wrong job then!

ElkTheory · 27/05/2014 18:58

Very harsh and unreasonable, IMO. I think it would be appropriate for you to apologise to your son, return his money, and explain that you were wrong to take away the dinosaur.

LAlady · 27/05/2014 18:59

If I'd seen that, I'd have felt sorry for your DS. Very harsh.

TortoiseUpATreeAgain · 27/05/2014 18:59

If the entertainer man doesn't want children telling him he smells of poo then he shouldn't tell children that they smell of poo.

Even assuming that the vast majority who don't think the incident needed any intervention other than a brief chat about acceptable boundaries are wrong, the scale of the punishment was ridiculous. As others have said, what will you do if he does something REALLY bad?

Original poster
Hangingwiththeraisingirls · 27/05/2014 18:59

I just wa

OP posts:
DaVinciNight · 27/05/2014 18:59

'Overfamiliar' ??? You mean you want him to learn age 4 yo that he should always mind his manner and be respectful at all times of any adult and to never ever be lightly familiar with them.

I have to say, having a child who is extremely shy and doesn't even dare saying hello to classmates, I would live him to be like this.

The entertainer was probably surprised not gave another if these children who are completely frozen on the stage. He probably appreciated too. I would expect him to appreciate a child that would give me the same medicine that I've just given to other children!

mynameisnotmichaelcaine · 27/05/2014 19:00

Poor little thing. I think, as above he needed to be told that the time for silly teasing was over and to say thank you. I think you need to apologise to ds and tell him that you were embarrassed and over-reacted. He is 4, and is still learning about appropriate use of language. Had he been 10 and NT, then maybe it would have been an appropriate punishment.

Original poster
Hangingwiththeraisingirls · 27/05/2014 19:01

I just want a child who is polite when someone is nice to them!

Will talk to dh re giving back pocket money. Am doubtful he will go for it. He tends to stick to stuff once he's said it. He was livid. I was embarrassed I admit, but dh was seething.

OP posts:
DaVinciNight · 27/05/2014 19:01

And yes if he didn't appreciate it, then he is in the wrong job!

Original poster
Hangingwiththeraisingirls · 27/05/2014 19:03

No he's definitely not shy.
The absolute opposite in fact.
Talks to anyone as though he's always known them. That's where we need him to learn what's acceptable. If an adult teases him gently he comes back at them tenfold.

OP posts:
FixItUpChappie · 27/05/2014 19:03

Total overreaction. I would apologize to him and model that you can admit when you are wrong.

He earned the balloon by doing exactly what was asked. He was just copying a behaviour he saw the adult entertainer doing which was getting laughs all around. You should have just pulled him aside and corrected him not revoke a well earned reward, embarassing him to boot.

TheFairyCaravan · 27/05/2014 19:04

If you thought your DS was being 'over familiar'in the playground, you should have called him back and either you or your DH played chase with him.

Children aren't born knowing manners, boundaries and etiquette, it's the parents job to teach them, and by that I don't mean punishing them un-necessarily.

onetiredmummy · 27/05/2014 19:04

Perhaps you need to be a buffer between your DH's too high expectations & your child OP.

It sounds as though much of this is driven by your DH who needs to have his expectations of a 4 year old reset.

May I also say that your DH doesn't get the last word you know, you're a parent too & are entitled to decide whether he gets the money back as well. Wine

insanityscatching · 27/05/2014 19:04

Way over the top. The people there will have been judging your over reaction and wouldn't have given a second thought to the little boy who was only joining in the fun. Heaven knows what the punishment will be when he really does do something bad.

mrscog · 27/05/2014 19:05

Well your DS will have some memories of his Dad being pretty horrible to him if your DH doesn't at least apologise. I still remember some very harsh age inappropriate punishments on holiday and I hold them against both my parents (in my head) to this day. I consider my Mum complicit as she didn't stop/challenge him.

orangepudding · 27/05/2014 19:05

Poor child, your DH was far too harsh.

flippinada · 27/05/2014 19:05

You've mentioned your husband 'seething' and that it's 'ruined the whole day'.

What a ludicrous, heavy handed reaction to completely normal behaviour from a 4 year old child.

TheFairyCaravan · 27/05/2014 19:06

No he's definitely not shy.
The absolute opposite in fact.
Talks to anyone as though he's always known them. That's where we need him to learn what's acceptable. If an adult teases him gently he comes back at them tenfold.

Because he is 4! He doesn't know how to do it any differently. You have to teach and guide him!