To have taken ds's prize off him for bad behaviour?

[Hangingwiththeraisingirls]

Not sure if we were too harsh or not harsh enough!
Ds is 4, nearly 5, and we are away on holiday atm. We've been to a theme park today and there was a magic / entertainment show for the children.

The man started by saying he'd got a balloon animal to give at the end to the child he saw watching nicely and taking part the best. It was a lovely one, a big dinosaur made of quite a lot of balloons. Ds's eyes lit up and he sat all the way through, shouting out when told to, doing the actions etc.
The entertainer chose several children to take part. He teased these children, telling them they had stinky feet, were ugly, smelt like socks etc.
ds thought this hilarious.

At the end the entertainer chose ds for the balloon dinosaur. Ds leapt up on stage thrilled, had his picture taken and then unfortunately said to the entertainer 'you smell too, you smell like poo' he said it about twice before dh managed to get to him and tell him to stop it! Dh then gave the balloon back to the entertainer telling ds he had been too naughty for it and dragged off a wailing ds. He also has taken away half his holiday pocket money (£5) and told him he now won't be able to buy the dinosaur set he had his eye on.

I'm not sure if this was ott. Ds was rude but I think he was trying to play along and at 4 is unfortunately obsessed with poo.
Otoh ds needs to learn what's appropriate and what's not and both dh and I were mortified.

Were we unreasonable? It did spoil the day tbh.

Dh wouldn't speak to ds for about fifteen minutes 'until he'd calmed down'

What is he, four or something!?!?

You both sound well on the way to appearing on a toxic parents / stately homes thread anytime soon.

OMG what horrible parents!!! Your DS was only imitating the clown!

Your poor DS. No wonder he tried to join in playing with another dad. His dad is horrible to him. Does he expect you and your DS to meet his standards of acceptable behaviour so you don't show him up?

He is 4. It sounds like your husband you are far too worried about appearances and 'what people might think' because he is big for his age. He's a child. Stop punishing him for being one.

OP, you smell and your OH smells like poo.

DS2(17) has been reading this thread over my shoulder and is shaking his head saying "this is horrible, what is wrong with the man?"

I sometimes get it wrong but I don't think I would to this extent. 4 year olds haven't a clue, they are still finding their feet with what is wrong and what is right. He was over excited, he'd behaved impeccably to win the prize (so he obviously ccan behave) but then he won the prize and copied the entertainer by saying still stuff - he probably thought he had to!

And you ask in the first post if you were harsh enough???

What I would have done:

Allowed DS to have the balloon dinosaur. I would have taken him to one side after the show and explained to him that it is very rude to make fun of people and although the clown did it, you must not do it. I would explain that if he did it again there would be consequences.

This OP has really upset me :( That poor boy :(

OP, it must be quite disturbing for you to realise that dozens upon dozens of other mothers are telling you that this situation was handled VERY badly. Many of us feel very sorry for your little boy, me included.

If the tables were turned and it was me sitting where you are now, I would be devastated. I wouldn't hang about. I would unreservedly apologise to my son (don't try and make this somehow a learning exercise for him. It is for him. It should be for you and your DH), return what was taken and say that tomorrow you see going to treat him to a pressie to make up for the ballon being taken from him.

Montegomongoose - you are making me laugh! Poo is always funny.

YABU to even ask if you and your Dh ABU. Kids frequently do things which are embarrassing to us as parents. But your reactions were so extreme, I can't quite believe them. Your Ds was enjoying himself and what could have been a happy memory of a childhood holiday, is now forever tainted. I think your Dh sounds vile and I think you should be standing up for your son, more than you are.

At the very most, he misjudged the correct way to behave in a social situation. This is something that can easily happen to adults...and he's four!

Imagine if you got punished (three times!) whenever you were socially awkward.

Poor kid. He coping entertainer who I'm sure has heard it before. A quiet word away from the stage but keeping the balloon. Mind you it's happened let it go. Being a parents means you make mistakes. Certainly don't take his holiday money. Extra dinosaur story tonight.

The trouble is adults don't expect a 4 year old to speak to them like that when they've been just pulling their leg a bit.

Yes we do! And I say that as an adult with no children. Small children don't understand complex boundaries, they don't know when to stop or how far is too far. Surely that is obvious to any adult?

Your son was in an unusual situation with an unusual dynamic between himself and the entertainer. He misjudged, maybe, very slightly. Perfectly normal, he's four.

Being livid and seething with a four year old because they made a little social faux pas (at least in your eyes) is not normal.

If your DH works away a lot and doesn't spend much time with DS then perhaps that's why your DH's reaction was so ott? It really is very normal four year old behaviour.

Also, the bit about him looking nearly 7? Really, so what? Sometimes our DC embarass us in public DD2 does it to me all the time but you just have to focus on taking the correct course of action, regardless of other people's raised eyebrows.

I can echo what other's said about not understanding the conversational nuances that were at play.

When I was 11 I remember saying "thanks but no thanks" to my mother's friend when she offered me a veggie burger and my mum and dad were mortified at my rudeness. The thing is - it was a saying I had only just heard and I genuinely didn't understand it's seen as sarcastic or rude, I just thought it meant, well, thank you but no.

Poor little chap.
I can just imagine him being all excited and proud to have been chosen then you shit all over it from a great height.
Making me well up thinking of my son being treated like that.

OP, are you taking all this on board? Because this is a really good opportunity to be a real turning point in how you and your "D" H parent your DS.

I can't stop thinking about this. I just want to give the little lad a cuddle and buy him so dinosaurs.

I feel very sad for your DS. What other posters said, but you don't really seem to be taking it on board

No, OP doesn't seem to be acknowledging any of it. But I suspect the unanimity of opinion on here and the comments about her DH might be a bit overwhelming.

Looking on the bright side, at least your DS eventually gets to pick which old peoples' home to put you in.

so, your DS has a father that he doesn't see much of, and when he does he (the father) has way to high expectations of his behaviour. He was 'seething' and 'wouldn't talk to him for 15 minutes'??? Goodness, I thought I could get cross but that leaves me standing at the starting post.

I think your H needs to remind himself that whatever age his child looks, he is still only 4 years old. He sounds very draconian - is this a good example of his usual parenting style (when he's around - and no, I wouldn't normally say that kind of thing to a parent who works away but I think it might be called for in this instance).

I can imagine him being the kind of man who packs his son off to full-time boarding at the age of 8 'for his own good'. Is he?

I suspect the OP has got into a habit of desperately trying to control what she and her dh see as an unruly child. They probably talk about his troublesome behaviours which seem substantial because they are focusing on them and they agree with each other that this stuff needs to be stamped out. They are both embaressed because he seems older so they view his behaviour as reflecting poorly upon them.

They have both forgotten he is four and that you teach more with kindness and through example than any other way,

Dh is very concerned with appearances and how things look.
He is the stricter of the two of us and in general loses his temper pretty quickly.

I've told ds we understand he was just trying to join in but it wasn't at the right time as the entertainer was giving him a gift. I've told him we will buy him the dinosaur set before we go home. Dh probably won't be impressed, he still doesn't think we were ott.

No, OP doesn't seem to be acknowledging any of it

Or she is putting her kids to bed/having dinner/doing something other than being on Mumsnet right now, since she is actually on holiday.

She isn't bloody Maxine Carr, standing by Ian Huntley. Lots of over reaction on here in response to an over reaction over a balloon.

All should lighten up. Tomorrow is another day and the boy isn't scarred for life. Yes, a bad decision. No, this 4 year old won't remember it.

I doubt the entertainer was "very impressed" at what you did at all
He more likely didn't argue as remonstrating with loons is not within his remit.
You humiliated your son in front of the entire audience; dragging him off stage without his prize. Then going home and taking his spending money!
What on God's earth is your problem???
Poor little sod.