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Original poster

To have taken ds's prize off him for bad behaviour?

446 replies

Hangingwiththeraisingirls · 27/05/2014 18:27

Not sure if we were too harsh or not harsh enough!
Ds is 4, nearly 5, and we are away on holiday atm. We've been to a theme park today and there was a magic / entertainment show for the children.

The man started by saying he'd got a balloon animal to give at the end to the child he saw watching nicely and taking part the best. It was a lovely one, a big dinosaur made of quite a lot of balloons. Ds's eyes lit up and he sat all the way through, shouting out when told to, doing the actions etc.
The entertainer chose several children to take part. He teased these children, telling them they had stinky feet, were ugly, smelt like socks etc.
ds thought this hilarious.

At the end the entertainer chose ds for the balloon dinosaur. Ds leapt up on stage thrilled, had his picture taken and then unfortunately said to the entertainer 'you smell too, you smell like poo' he said it about twice before dh managed to get to him and tell him to stop it! Dh then gave the balloon back to the entertainer telling ds he had been too naughty for it and dragged off a wailing ds. He also has taken away half his holiday pocket money (£5) and told him he now won't be able to buy the dinosaur set he had his eye on.

I'm not sure if this was ott. Ds was rude but I think he was trying to play along and at 4 is unfortunately obsessed with poo.
Otoh ds needs to learn what's appropriate and what's not and both dh and I were mortified.

Were we unreasonable? It did spoil the day tbh.

OP posts:
RhondaJean · 27/05/2014 18:42

Is it wrong that I am giggling at the "nipping the talk of poo quickly in the bud"?

And I am most definitely not four!

Nomama · 27/05/2014 18:43

And he rhymed!

You smell too
You smell like poo

He's part way to a haiku.

Honestly, VU, daddy. He was just playing along with a fun day out.

He may never laugh again Sad

Tinkerball · 27/05/2014 18:44

Omg, I dread to think what you will do to him when he really does need punished!

AnyoneforTurps · 27/05/2014 18:44

Trust me if I saw parents do something like that I'd be judging the parents and not the boy!

This.

Deverethemuzzler · 27/05/2014 18:45

He is going to be really, really confused now.

The adult on stage gets loads of laughs and smiles an applause for telling people they smell.

He says it and gets told off and punished.

He is four. It doesn't matter how old he looks. He is four.

OrangeMochaFrappucino · 27/05/2014 18:45

I don't understand why you were so embarrassed - small children are often inappropriate but it sounds like you punished him for 'showing you up' and he didn't. How was he to judge, aged four, that his comment wasn't part of the game the entertainer had encouraged? I really feel for him, losing the balloon dinosaur will have really upset him and he will remember it. I doubt he learned the lesson you wanted him to learn though, he will just remember being crushed. I think your husband's reaction was all about his feelings about how he appeared, not at all in proportion to the way your 4yo was behaving.

TrinityRhino · 27/05/2014 18:45

totally ott

he was playing along with the show and what the entertainer had been doing

give him back his money

and you should have let him have the balloon

Icelollycraving · 27/05/2014 18:46

Way ott. Your poor ds must have been very confused.
He was going along with the entertainer & just was a little overexcited. It wasn't a random person he said it to,just to be rude.
To take away the balloon was an over reaction & taking pocket money just seems mean. You say it ruined the day,so what was the point?

Deverethemuzzler · 27/05/2014 18:46

Bloody hell I have just realised he has been punished three times for one thing.

Even if he had kicked the bloody clown I think once is enough for a four year old.

Is this real?

SanityClause · 27/05/2014 18:47

You big meany!

Original poster
Hangingwiththeraisingirls · 27/05/2014 18:47

I think we felt bad because the entertainer had chosen him supposedly for good behaviour and then he did that!

The entertainer hasn't teased ds, he'd teased the children who had been up to take part so whilst ds had witnessed that it wasn't as though the entertainer had actually said it to him.
Ds literally just went up to fetch the balloon, tiptoe across the stage (so as not to disturb the dinosaur) and have a photo and then randomly he said 'you smell like poo' when really the correct response should have been 'thank you'
I feel dh was a bit harsh too but I also think the behaviour needs stamping on.

OP posts:
TortoiseUpATreeAgain · 27/05/2014 18:49

You were being very U. If he'd walked up to a random adult and accused him/her of smelling like poo you'd have a point, but he was copying the entertainer. His remarks weren't at all out of place in the context he made them.

And you really need to snap out of treating your 4yo as though he is 7 just because he's tall and you worry what people will think. He's four; treat him that way.

TortoiseUpATreeAgain · 27/05/2014 18:50

Does he have a history of insulting strange adults? I'm puzzled as to why you feel that "the behaviour needs stamping on" if not.

flippinada · 27/05/2014 18:50

Yes, this was an over-reaction - he was just copying the entertainer. He doesn't know it's rude. Poor wee soul.

And talk of it ruining the day is very melodramatic.

Is there something else going on here?

AvonCallingBarksdale · 27/05/2014 18:51

Unbelievable reaction from you and DH - way, way, way OTT. Jesus Christ, poor little boy Sad I think you've punished him because you were embarassed by him. Horrible over-reaction. You really need to talk to him in language he can understand and say that Mummy and Daddy got it wrong. Explain that what he said wasn't appropriate, but that you understand he was copying the entertainer's style.

mrscog · 27/05/2014 18:51

Yeah over the top - a short explanation afterwards saying that it was a bit rude and embarrassing would have been appropriate.

MrsChickPea · 27/05/2014 18:52

I'm sorry, but he will still be obsessed with poo when he is 7. And when he is 13 and when he is 33. It's just how we are. Especially boys.
Was the entertainer offended? I can't believe he would have been. He is an adult talking to the children that way, so it is perfectly acceptable for a 4 year old to tell the entertainer he smelt of poo. It can only be seen as cute and funny - you should have been laughing. I bet everyone else was...

Original poster
Hangingwiththeraisingirls · 27/05/2014 18:52

He doesn't but he does have a tendency to aline himself with adults and talk to them as though they're familiar to him.
For example at the playground there was a man playing chase with his ds. My ds started to join in without being asked and was chasing this man and playing as though he already knew him.
I know it doesn't sound much but he definitely can be over familiar.

He's nearly 5 btw.

OP posts:
TheHouseatWhoCorner · 27/05/2014 18:52

Absolutely address rude behaviour, but this was disproportionate.
Give him the opportunity to 'earn' the pocket money back. Don't let this spoil the whole holiday.

Nomama · 27/05/2014 18:53

Sorry, but I think the behaviour wasn't the only thing that got stamped on. As has been said, your son got punished 3 times for one behaviour.

Forget that any of us may think there was no behaviour to be punished, it really isn't a good life lesson to be punished 3 times for one transgression. Your son will have no idea what actually happened, he won't be able to gauge how wrong his actions were. What will your DH do if your DS thumps someone? How will he escalate the punishment in proportion to this? He is sort of left with cutting off the hand that hit....

TheFairyCaravan · 27/05/2014 18:53

Too harsh and taking the money away is overkill.

What will the punishment be if he does something really bad?

AnyoneforTurps · 27/05/2014 18:53

If this was enough to "mortify" you and DH, then I fear for your sanity when DS hits his teens Wink

You got it wrong this time: it happens. Show your DS a good model of adult behaviour by apologising and making it up to him.

Original poster
Hangingwiththeraisingirls · 27/05/2014 18:54

I thought the entertainer looked a bit taken aback tbh. He did look very impressed. Ds did sound cheeky. He said it in a cheeky way. The entertainer man didn't laugh and tease him back.

OP posts:
Deverethemuzzler · 27/05/2014 18:54

OP I think you are going to have to accept that you were way over the top.

YOu don't have to but you would do well to listen to the posters unanimously telling you that you did the wrong thing.

Your son is only four. No way would he be able to work out that its ok for the adult to call other people smelly but its a terrible crime if he does it.

Why should the fact that the teasing wasn't directed at him make a difference? Why would you think it would?

He.is.four.

DaVinciNight · 27/05/2014 18:55

Well in his mind he still did the same than the entertainer what you are asking him is be able to make the difference between a time when it's ok to alight at someone/tease him and a time when you should be all serious and say thank you.
The poor child was probably still laughing at all the jokes from the entertainer and over the moon to have got the balloon :(

A much better answer would have been to brush it off, ask him to say thank you for the ballon and then explain 'laughing about being smelly' had ended and the most important thing to do was to say thank you.

You need to remember that as a 4yo he probably wasn't able to make the difference, and that some adults in such a situation (bring given something they really wanted) can well forget to say thank you too!!

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