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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Bride to be telling everyone they can't put the pictures they take of the wedding online but must use an app instead

201 replies

AlwaysLookOnBrightsideOfLife · 25/05/2014 10:54

...so she & groom can see them first, before verifying them and uploading.

I think I've seen it all now. Just saw a message online from a bride to be, telling all her wedding guests that they 1. Can't upload pics they take on the day to fb/other social media, 2. They must use an app instead & send their pics there instead, 3. They aren't to send their pics to the app until 24hrs after the event and 4. The b&g will go through the pics themselves after the event & upload them to social media if they like them .

Aibu to think this is really unreasonable especially for it to be demanded & bridezilla-esque or am I just not in touch with the times? Is she unreasonable in her request or is it a case of their day, their rules? Would you want to go to a wedding that had this rule imposed?

If it helps, her reasoning when not asked was that she didn't want people to see any pics before they got there and spoil what they (the b&g) look like for them.

OP posts:

SirChenjin · 28/05/2014 13:14

And how did people manage to go to weddings with cameras in years gone by without hysterical brides demanding that no photos be taken without her prior approval? That's right - they didn't. They may not have been 'plastered' across social media (which is highly unlikely, a handful of people at the very most might upload them, the majority of guests will be too busy catching up with people they haven't seen in ages to focus their attention on the bride's frock (yawwwwn), take photos and upload them) but guests pitched up with instamatics, took heaps of photos, got them developed in Boots and shared them around.

There's far too much obsession surrounding image control by some brides and not enough enjoyment of the day and of being surrounded by friends and family who care for her. I think some women forget they're not one of the Kardashians, or that they don't have a Hello deal.

MistressDeeCee · 28/05/2014 13:45

Sorry - whatever the thoughts, its the bride's day. She doesn't have to be more public than she's comfortable with. & for anybody who's bored shitless at the thought of seeing bride's dress & can't stand to be there unless they can upload photos online within minutes - then, why even bother to go? Its not about you or the 4th emergency service you're being prevented from providing as you can't use someone else's special event to show the online world how varied and interesting your life is...you're not in the right "spirit" of event anyway. & if you're meanminded enough to be at a mate's wedding and stand there thinking how boring her dress is...don't inflict it on the rest of the world via pics of it then.

SirChenjin · 28/05/2014 13:59

Because, despite what you and others might think, a wedding is much more about the dress. Fortunately, most people are sensible enough to realise this. I'm not actually convinced that 'everyone' at the wedding would be arsed to post photos of the bride on FB - most people are too busy enjoying themselves to bother. The words 'mountain' and 'molehill' spring to mind - but yes, if the bride wants to pretend that everyone cares so much about being the first to post a photo of her frock on FB then she can go right ahead. Her bubz and all that.

Guineapig99 · 28/05/2014 14:02

YANBU. She needs to GET A GRIP. Vetting photos indeed. Geez...

Sparklingbrook · 28/05/2014 15:18

It's the groom's day too. I am not interested in what he's wearing either.

SirChenjin · 28/05/2014 15:22

Well you're definitely not in the right spirit of the event Sparkling - why do you even bother going to weddings?

Sparklingbrook · 28/05/2014 15:29

I have no idea Sir-I really don't like them. Unless you are the bride and groom they are very meh.

But you would never know my inner misery-I'm not that mean.

MistressDeeCee · 28/05/2014 15:52

Im convinced lots of people at a wedding would be arsed to put photos up on FB of the minutae of their (not the boring bride & groom's) social event - mainly because there are so very many moany wedding threads on MN. Pretty good snapshot of the ire induced because you can't be 1st to put up bride's photos, or are disgruntled that attending a wedding will take up a whole day (oh nooo!) of your life...sod that. If the bride - & Id better mention the groom (I forgot, sorry!) want to vet photos of them that could appear online then, let them!!! Maybe they want to look their best. Why on earth does it matter so much anyway to amateur photographers?

Honestly...I thought weddings were about being happy to join in & celebrate 2 people getting married. Not about 'oh the bride's dress is boring, oh weddings are boring, oh she's unreasonable for not wanting photos on FB before she sees them'..there's no point going on about the bride being 'me me me' when doing the exact same & its not even your wedding/event

If I found weddings mind-numbingly boring then sorry - I wouldn't go. Id get a nice gift and make a very plausible sounding excuse tbh.

Sparklingbrook · 28/05/2014 15:56

If I found weddings mind-numbingly boring then sorry - I wouldn't go. Id get a nice gift and make a very plausible sounding excuse tbh.

Families don't like that though Mistress. Attendance is expected. I just grit my teeth and smile through.

But as i said my weddings are all done and attended. I brace myself for the DS's.

SirChenjin · 28/05/2014 16:04

I thought weddings were about being happy to join in & celebrate 2 people getting married

Precisely - as opposed to getting your knickers in a twist and insisting that people can't take photos without your stampy-foot approval. And who said that weddings are mind numbingly boring? I love a good wedding - what's not to like? Fortunately all the brides at the weddings I've been to have retained a grasp on reality and haven't issued decrees as to what their guests can and can't do.

MistressDeeCee · 28/05/2014 16:38

Well its no different than getting your knickers in a twist about not being able to upload photos of the bride & groom to FB, really. I can't see that anyone else's wishes need to come before theirs. Whoever this couple are, hope their wedding day isn't populated by people who will smile sweetly in their faces and gripe behind their backs.

I give up on this one tho, I think social media wins the day and generally there's no getting past the "entitled" who are sourly outraged that they can't be 1st to put up a pic. In fact why not just get rid of the wedding photographer and let it all be on FB...?

Its June next month...so its about 'that time' ..in the interests of fairness I reckon there should also be "Guestzilla" threads

SirChenjin · 28/05/2014 17:59

Hmmm...not really seeing hordes of 'sourly outraged' people , though being dictated to by a bridezilla who lives in abject fear of her double chin being captured on film must be extremely tiresome

fatlazymummy · 28/05/2014 18:31

sirChegin you are the one who is being tiresome.

zipzap · 28/05/2014 18:40

I can understand having a single place to put all wedding photos as, 10 years on, there are still photos from my wedding that I haven't seen that friends took, that they told me at the time they had some lovely shots... I would have liked to have seen them but it was pre-facebook and similar so it just never happened. And I know I've got nice shots from weddings that have people in that won't ever be seen by those people so having somewhere safe to share those shots would be nice.

If there are children or people that have a good reason to not want their photos out on the internet, then asking that people do not share pictures that include anyone outside their immediate family/circle of friends (assuming that those who need to keep their pictures hidden would have family and friends that know and respect this) would be reasonable.

Hoping that people don't upload everything during the wedding but wait until afterwards - reasonable to hope, unreasonable to demand.

Bride wanting to vet everything to keep the surprise and nix any that show her in a bad light - unreasonable.

grocklebox · 28/05/2014 18:45

You might like to think you own your own image and control what other people do with pics of you, but in fact that is bollocks.

I can take pics of anyone I like and put them anywhere I like, and if they don't like it, then big swinging mickey for them. You don't have any rights at all.

That said, I'm a nice and reasonable person and would aquiesce to any polite request over pictures. Demanding shit like this though would make me plaster pics of bridezilla anywhere I could think of.

Billygoats · 28/05/2014 18:51

I kind of get her point , on my wedding day pictures were put on Facebook on the day. I was a bit miffed as the day wasn't even over. I didn't look until the next day obviously but was still a bit confused why people rush to post them.

Do any of them have a job of a sensitive nature?

tallulah · 28/05/2014 19:11

The last wedding I went to I've got a couple of photos of the Wedding Party from the professional photographers lineup, but the rest are of my mum with DD, or DH and DD, or auntie and uncle, or cousin with DD etc.

Don't most guests take photos of the people they went to the wedding with?

KatieKaye · 28/05/2014 19:39

Sounds like something Kim and Kanye would do.
And that isn't a recommendation.
Actually, anything they do, I'd probably do differently!

EllaFitzgerald · 28/05/2014 20:05

I was one of those Bridezillas that asked that people didn't put pictures of me on any social media site. I didn't care what other aspects of the wedding went on there, DH was quite happy to be on there, and I'm certainly not self absorbed enough to think that anyone really gave a monkeys what my dress looked like, but I just don't want pictures of me on line.

I'm sure that some people probably thought I was being precious, but I didn't want to spend the whole day avoiding cameras. I decided that if I can overlook the 'weirdness' of people wanting to post every aspect of their lives on Facebook, then they should be able to overlook my weirdness for not wanting to.

SirChenjin · 28/05/2014 20:45

Oh no fatlazymummy - you're the one being tiresome

No, you are

etc

fatlazymummy · 28/05/2014 22:04

Seriously sirchejin don't you have any concept of simple good manners?

SirChenjin · 28/05/2014 22:18

Nope, none. None whatsoever. You got me rumbled, fatty.

fatlazymummy · 28/05/2014 22:59

Obviously.

SirChenjin · 29/05/2014 08:04

Indeed.

LifeIsGoingToBeBetter · 29/05/2014 08:25

Yabu
Perfectly fine that they ask guests not to post pictures on facebook. Before social media people survived waiting to see the wedding album?!
Find ut strange people would post pictures during the day, that's one up man ship by the guests, "look I was invited you weren't"

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