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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Bride to be telling everyone they can't put the pictures they take of the wedding online but must use an app instead

201 replies

AlwaysLookOnBrightsideOfLife · 25/05/2014 10:54

...so she & groom can see them first, before verifying them and uploading.

I think I've seen it all now. Just saw a message online from a bride to be, telling all her wedding guests that they 1. Can't upload pics they take on the day to fb/other social media, 2. They must use an app instead & send their pics there instead, 3. They aren't to send their pics to the app until 24hrs after the event and 4. The b&g will go through the pics themselves after the event & upload them to social media if they like them .

Aibu to think this is really unreasonable especially for it to be demanded & bridezilla-esque or am I just not in touch with the times? Is she unreasonable in her request or is it a case of their day, their rules? Would you want to go to a wedding that had this rule imposed?

If it helps, her reasoning when not asked was that she didn't want people to see any pics before they got there and spoil what they (the b&g) look like for them. Hmm

OP posts:
iK8 · 25/05/2014 11:20

I think it's totally fine. If they are in witness protection.

Narcissistic twats.

Sparklingbrook · 25/05/2014 11:21

I would be posting a picture of my wedding dinner as soon as it arrived. I believe it's tradition?

Original poster
AlwaysLookOnBrightsideOfLife · 25/05/2014 11:22

Lol happy at out of focus shots. Unfortunately half of my shots end up like that anyway as I seem inept at taking steady pictures at weddings.

OP posts:
ForgiveMeFather · 25/05/2014 11:24

I'm kind of with the bride here - why does life have to be played out second by second on social media?

What if someone took a picture of your newborn and uploaded it to FB within minutes of it being born meaning that (for example) a Grandparents first glimpse of their Grandchild was on a social media page being mawked over random people before you had even seen the child in the flesh?

Is nothing in life private anymore? Weddings? Celebrations? Birth?

I think it's sad that the B&G have to even ask and the fact that its the bride here being labelled as a poncey Bridzilla is awful to be honest Sad

Original poster
AlwaysLookOnBrightsideOfLife · 25/05/2014 11:24

the body YES! They seem to have lost sight or never had it of what a wedding should be about.

OP posts:
calmet · 25/05/2014 11:25

So if you are attending this and take a photo of you and your DH, the bride and groom should be allowed to vet them? VU

iK8 · 25/05/2014 11:26

Why is a "live performance" better than a photo forgivemefather?

Most people I know are just delighted to know about a new baby and a pictures is a bonus. The live show will still be worth waiting for when it happens.

DoJo · 25/05/2014 11:28

Insancerre
The person taking the photos owns them and can do whatever they like with them
Including posting them on Facebook
The bride and groom are being unreasonable if they think they are the exception to this

Sparklingbrook
Yes EB, she sounds like one of those sorts of brides. i wonder what other rules there are. I would be wearing white to that wedding for sure.

But presumably the people that they have invited to their wedding are their friends and family who would rather not do something they have explicitly been asked not to if it could upset the bride and groom. It's not a question of the legal position, but of respecting the bride and grooms wishes - if you have so little regard for that that you are intent to ignoring them just to make a point, then it's probably best not to go to the wedding at all.

Personally, it sounds like one or other of the bride and groom (or both!) are terribly insecure and don't like the idea of photos of themselves being plastered on the internet without the chance to see them first. I am horrendously unphotogenic (and not blessed with much in the way of looks in real life either) and my wedding day was the one time I wanted to be able to look back and remember looking relatively good all day, not see photos of myself mid conversation where I looked like a crazy person or with a mouthful of food. I hope that none of my friends would have been so spiteful to try to undermine my wishes had I plucked up the courage to ask for the chance to vet their photos first. It would have definitely made me regret inviting them to my wedding, that's for sure.

weneedtotalkaboutshriver · 25/05/2014 11:28

I think you make a fair and very reasonable point father but I would be more in sympathy with the bride if it appeared that her motivation was not so much keeping it private (absolutely fine to ask people not to upload photos at all imho ) as upping the wow factor (see last sentence of OP).

Original poster
AlwaysLookOnBrightsideOfLife · 25/05/2014 11:28

ForgiveMe I have no qualms about them asking for them not to be posted on social media by others first. It's all the other rules that they seem to be demanding like they must be put onto that app and the b&g will vet them before uploading them etc. It's just a bit Hmm IMO.

OP posts:
Sparklingbrook · 25/05/2014 11:29

It's such a shame brides to be can't think clearly. Fast forward a year at the most and the wedding album will be in the loft and the wedding a distant memory and nobody will care about any of it.
It was something that happened in the past.

Eminybob · 25/05/2014 11:30

I agree with the bride on this. I hate pics of me being uploaded on Facebook full stop, and have the tag review thing set up so I can vet stuff before it goes on my timeline. But it doesn't stop it going on the timeline of the person who uploaded it.

If someone put pictures on Facebook of me on my wedding day before I had a chance to put my own on or even look at them I would be very upset. Doesn't mean it's right or wrong, it's just personal preference and it's her wedding so her rules. Would it kill you not plaster everything all over Facebook as and when it's happening?

Eminybob · 25/05/2014 11:31

Sorry op x posted. Yes the app thing is a bit weird.

kalidanger · 25/05/2014 11:34

Jesus, OP. If I was you I'd not go to this wedding at all.

I like a Bridezilla thread as much as the next mnetter but you clearly don't like this woman very much if you can't accede to her one simple request not to splash her special day all over your FB.

Viviennemary · 25/05/2014 11:34

I think guests should be able to take photos but not uploand them of FB and other sites. That's for the bride and groom to do not other people.

Original poster
AlwaysLookOnBrightsideOfLife · 25/05/2014 11:35

calmer yes that seems to be the way it's coming across. Although I'm guessing you'd be allowed to take/upload a pic of you both from the car but not from the actual venue. Then the b&g will choose whether it makes the cut.

Tbh if they'd said "please don't post any pics on social media", or " please don't post any to sm until we've put up a select few", I'd find that perfectly reasonable. It's this attitude of use the app & we'll vet the ones that make the cut.

What's to stop a guest sending a pic to a friend/family member & the friend/fm to be unaware of the "rules" & upload it to social media unawares. Confused

OP posts:
Zucker · 25/05/2014 11:36

She'd get a right old shock if no one bothered to take any picture of her day at all.

Sparklingbrook · 25/05/2014 11:39

In my day it was disposable cameras on the table at the meal. Never sure what they were for. Hence 24 photos of dinners.

EduardoBarcelona · 25/05/2014 11:39

i dont get facebook and weddings

can someone explain what the issue is with putting pics on there of a wedding you went to? ( i dont do FB)

EduardoBarcelona · 25/05/2014 11:39

sparker - the disposable camera craze was a prime eg of money over sense

TondelayoSchwarzkopf · 25/05/2014 11:40

Don't go to the wedding FGS. You clearly dislike the couple getting married.

How hard is it to upload pics into an app rather than on Facebook?

FyreFly · 25/05/2014 11:40

Actually I'm with them on this one. I don't want people putting pictures of me up online without permission. For all we know the bride or groom or even one of their party may have a violent ex in their past and that's why they want to vet the pictures first.

Plus of course it's a wedding, it's an event for family and close friends and a special day for those involved. I wouldn't want complete randomers who I don't know to see all these pictures of my wedding before I got to. I would like SOME control over who is splashing a unique, possibly private event all over the public domain.

I also wouldn't want to walk down the aisle to the flash of a plethora of camera phones. It pisses me off enough in museums and galleries.

When (if) I get married, I intend to have one professional photographer (probably a friend) and, at the reception, buckets of disposable cameras on tables for anyone to use. Then afterwards all the pictures will be put on one of those password-websites so everyone who came can see them :)

EduardoBarcelona · 25/05/2014 11:41

the photos from disposable cameras are always shit, surely thinks to being pissed and taking photos of elbows

Sparklingbrook · 25/05/2014 11:41

I don't do FB either EB. Every thread about it I try my hardest to understand-but I really don't get it at all.

FyreFly · 25/05/2014 11:42

Actually it's just occurred to me that the app they're using may be similar to those password photo websites. In which case it suggests they're just trying to collate all the pictures into one place so everyone can see them easily, plus they have the privacy of knowing only those invited or close to the couple can see them.