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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Bride to be telling everyone they can't put the pictures they take of the wedding online but must use an app instead

201 replies

AlwaysLookOnBrightsideOfLife · 25/05/2014 10:54

...so she & groom can see them first, before verifying them and uploading.

I think I've seen it all now. Just saw a message online from a bride to be, telling all her wedding guests that they 1. Can't upload pics they take on the day to fb/other social media, 2. They must use an app instead & send their pics there instead, 3. They aren't to send their pics to the app until 24hrs after the event and 4. The b&g will go through the pics themselves after the event & upload them to social media if they like them .

Aibu to think this is really unreasonable especially for it to be demanded & bridezilla-esque or am I just not in touch with the times? Is she unreasonable in her request or is it a case of their day, their rules? Would you want to go to a wedding that had this rule imposed?

If it helps, her reasoning when not asked was that she didn't want people to see any pics before they got there and spoil what they (the b&g) look like for them. Hmm

OP posts:
EduardoBarcelona · 25/05/2014 12:00

agree - the cult of celebrity has invaded. As if the whole day is a reflection of only them, not their family and friends

Sparklingbrook · 25/05/2014 12:00

Seems the vows bit is right down on the list of what's important these days doesn't it?

OwlCapone · 25/05/2014 12:04

Even the guests don't think the vows are the most important part :)

Original poster
AlwaysLookOnBrightsideOfLife · 25/05/2014 12:05

Forgive I unfortunately can't make the wedding, but if I could I would of course oblige to their rules. In so much as I'd upload pics of b&g/wedding party/pics I think they'd appreciate to the app for them. I don't think I'd share all my pics via it though, but would be happy to show b&g the pics IRL on the device (& email through any others they wish to have copies off). I might like to put up nice pics of me & dp/family/friends as a profile pic or whatever a week or two later without it having to undergo vetting though. I don't have that dilemma though due to not being able to make it.
The rules have only recently gone up with only a couple of weeks until the big day.

OP posts:
Sparklingbrook · 25/05/2014 12:07

The vows are the least boring part as far as I am concerned. But I haven't been to a wedding since 2003 thank God so I am not very up on all the new rules there seems to be. MN has enlightened me, and made me not want to go to a wedding ever again.

DoJo · 25/05/2014 12:08

I can see sort of why they don't want photos on FB etc, but don't understand how they can't see that they can't do anything about it. Funny really.

They can do something - they can ask their friends and family not to post them on there.

Sparklingbrook · 25/05/2014 12:09

They can ask......

calmet · 25/05/2014 12:09

I think the vows are the most important part of the day. And I mean that as a guest.

iamthecakefairy · 25/05/2014 12:10

Yabu if you object to being asked not to post pictures on Facebook, and to use an app. I got married earlier this year. I'm not on Facebook, I am a very private person and was incredibly uncomfortable with the thought that photos of my wedding day would be on Facebook for anyone and everyone to see.
Having said that, I knew that I couldn't dictate what my guests did. I let everyone know we had set up an account on an app/website which everyone was given a password for, which meant they could see all of the pictures anyone uploaded. But I didn't say no Facebook.
As it happened, lots of people used the app/website. A couple of people used Facebook, a friend of dh's actually uploaded a photo of dh and his bm during the ceremony. A few weeks after the wedding I bumped into a couple I barely know who told me they had seen all of the photos on Facebook which had been uploaded by a guest. While I realise they were being nice, and it was nice of them to take an interest, it did make me feel a bit odd - I don't know them well enough to invite them but they have seen all my photos?!
I understand when people say the photos belong to the person who has taken them and they can do what they want with them, but at my wedding I didn't get a choice whether people took my photo. And once they have the photo they can do what they want with it? Seems a bit unfair I had no choice in it. I agree with pp who say it's like posting a pic of someone else's baby without asking. How many of you would be happy with someone doing that?

Original poster
AlwaysLookOnBrightsideOfLife · 25/05/2014 12:10

Hula it seems to apply to ALL pictures. If just the b&g/wedding party/special touches I'd understand.

As I mentioned up thread, we were at a wedding recently & the only pic I posted was on a very private instagram, tagging the b&g. They had a LOT of little special touches which were lovely, but none of us as the guests from the full day posted to social media or ruined it for others yet to see. No special vetting for that b&g was required though.

OP posts:
Original poster
AlwaysLookOnBrightsideOfLife · 25/05/2014 12:16

I am I like the idea of PW protected websites/apps for sharing the pics amongst all nearest and dearest. It doesn't seem this app is being used like that though, but for only the b&g to see all the pics then vet them before posting the chosen vetted pics to fb.

I just realized though that one of our friends is a major happy snapper so it'll be interesting to see if she can stick to their rules including any selfies she may take.

OP posts:
MamaLazarou · 25/05/2014 12:23

Hilarious though this is, I can't help feeling a bit sorry for the bride. It can't be a very happy life for her if she is so anxious and controlling.

ExcuseTypos · 25/05/2014 12:23

We were told the same thing recently. All the guests relieved a snotty email saying no one was to put photos on social media. Hmm don't worry love wasnt going to anyway. I'm 47 fgs.

Sparklingbrook · 25/05/2014 12:28

YY Excuse I would object to the assumption being made that's what I would be doing. I am not even on FB.

Famousfem · 25/05/2014 12:35

Yabu.

DinoSnores · 25/05/2014 12:41

Perhaps there's a child whose photo can't go on the internet. This means they can check and delete photos containing them before they go on social media, without drawing unwanted attention/gossip to the child on the day.

eurochick · 25/05/2014 12:42

I'd respect it but find it extremely precious.

I asked friends to upload their pics of my wedding on to a dropbox account, but so I could look at them, not so I could vet them. They were welcome to do whatever they wanted with them (which included uploading them very quickly with "hilarious" captions in some cases). It was all part of the fun of the celebration. I didn't get the professional ones through for a few weeks and so uploaded a few then.

iamthecakefairy · 25/05/2014 12:42

Yes it would be a shame if the other guests can't see what's on the app... if they are at the wedding there will be no surprises spoiled by seeing the photos! One of my bridesmaids mentioned to me a couple of weeks ago that she still goes on the app/website because she likes looking at the pictures. Perhaps the b&g in the op have set up a similar photo sharing site/app but decided not to give the guests the password. If it is through vanity rather than genuine privacy reasons, and they intend to put their choice of photos up later, then I would say yanbu.

DoJo · 25/05/2014 12:42

Hilarious though this is, I can't help feeling a bit sorry for the bride. It can't be a very happy life for her if she is so anxious and controlling.

Especially when others find it so hilarious.

sunshinemmum · 25/05/2014 12:43

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Famousfem · 25/05/2014 12:50

It's common courtesy not to upload pictures or updates of someone else's private and personal events without checking that it's ok (wedding, new baby, christening, funeral, detailed images of someone else's house etc.). However I know plenty of people (yes you bil and sil!) who have an obsessive need to upload every bit of their lives on to FB even without any regard for other people's needs for privacy. It wouldn't occur to them to respect that it is not their event to publish for the world to see.

Good on the bride and groom to communicate this innocuous and cost free wish clearly. What's the problem?

Bogeyface · 25/05/2014 12:51

I can understand the "no social media" thing, I had the same. I just asked if people would not put up pics of us, the kids or my parents on SM (my mother is convinced that if anyone puts a photo of her on the internet then everyone will know her bank details, when she is on holiday and be able to steal everything she owns!) and they respected that. I had my own, very specific ex related reasons why I asked this and it was not a problem.

But this is hilariously precious! If you use facebook etc then you accept that sometimes people may post pictures of you looking less than your best (thank you DD for the photo of my fat arse at my 40th Hmm). You cant vet them!

Would the bride have said "Any photos must be vetted by me before you put them in an album and show your neighbours" in the days when they had to be developed? I think not.

ExcuseTypos · 25/05/2014 12:52

Funeral photos and on FB?Confused

TondelayoSchwarzkopf · 25/05/2014 13:16

"As if the whole day is a reflection of only them, not their family and friends"

Um... it is THEIR wedding. Hmm

FreudiansSlipper · 25/05/2014 13:25

I do not think they are being unreasonable

I have been to a wedding where they asked people to ask permission to post their picures on fb not everyone wants to be on social media

why would anyone post a picture of the B&G without asking them first