Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Bride to be telling everyone they can't put the pictures they take of the wedding online but must use an app instead

201 replies

AlwaysLookOnBrightsideOfLife · 25/05/2014 10:54

...so she & groom can see them first, before verifying them and uploading.

I think I've seen it all now. Just saw a message online from a bride to be, telling all her wedding guests that they 1. Can't upload pics they take on the day to fb/other social media, 2. They must use an app instead & send their pics there instead, 3. They aren't to send their pics to the app until 24hrs after the event and 4. The b&g will go through the pics themselves after the event & upload them to social media if they like them .

Aibu to think this is really unreasonable especially for it to be demanded & bridezilla-esque or am I just not in touch with the times? Is she unreasonable in her request or is it a case of their day, their rules? Would you want to go to a wedding that had this rule imposed?

If it helps, her reasoning when not asked was that she didn't want people to see any pics before they got there and spoil what they (the b&g) look like for them. Hmm

OP posts:
Tweetinat · 27/05/2014 08:58

Owl - by using 'etc' I was using that as a catch all to include those who want to minimise/restrict photos on social media so I was trying not to 'miss the point. And I clearly said that I don't think it's unreasonable to want people to respect those wishes and that I would do so.

Onthedoorstep · 27/05/2014 09:01

I am barassed that there are wedding photos of me on FB because we separated three months later.... Maybe she's worried about that... ;)

DoJo · 27/05/2014 09:50

Tweetinat

There may be a minority of people who choose not to engage with social media and not want photos of themselves online, but a majority can understand that desire and are happy to accommodate it, especially on someone else's wedding day. People agreeing with the bride and groom doesn't necessarily mean that they would do the same themselves, just that they can understand their request and wouldn't condemn them as odd, self-centred, narcissistic or any of the other things people on here have accused them of.

Sparklingbrook · 27/05/2014 09:51

I am not on FB and wonder how many pictures of me are out there. Shock

Tweetinat · 27/05/2014 09:56

DoJo - As far as I can see we're in agreement?

WhatsTheEffingPoint · 27/05/2014 15:49

A friend of mine had a website set up for details on their wedding (they had family all over the world and were getting married in another country so it was a good central place to put all the details etc) They also had an app where everyone could upload photos to the website. I thought this was a good idea as you could share photos from everyone. My friend wasn't fussed on vetting the pics.

I know if it was me i wouldn't want my 'news' 'First pics as a married woman' etc put on social media until i had put the first pic up, its personal and with social media that personal feeling is being taken away and shared with everyone and anyone.

MrsSkilly · 27/05/2014 16:56

I don't agree with the whole app and vetting thing but a good friend of mine did request that no pictures were put up by day guests until the following day. This is because she wanted evening guests to see her dress when they arrived and not via Facebook and ruin the surprise. I thought this was a reasonable request.

Hedgesinthewind · 28/05/2014 09:22

Some people don't like fbook, some people hate being tagged in photos before they have seen them first. This is about someone's wedding day. I was more than happy to respect this at my cousins wedding. I actually thought it was rather nice. I enjoy facebook as a way of keeping in touch with friends and family but in situations like this it seems as if nothing is sacred

This.

The bride&groom are not being UR

Sparklingbrook · 28/05/2014 09:30

Are wedding guests really that interested in the dress? Confused

SirChenjin · 28/05/2014 10:01

This is because she wanted evening guests to see her dress when they arrived

The vast majority of guests really, really aren't that fascinated by the dress, despite what some brides might think.

FryOneFatManic · 28/05/2014 10:05

it seems to apply to ALL pictures. If just the b&g/wedding party/special touches I'd understand.

I thought the B & G might not be unreasonable until I saw this^^

Pics of the happy couple I can understand, but often people take the opportunity of a wedding to get some special pics of their own immediate family. I would, it's so rare to get my DCs dressed up for a pic.

I would not be happy to give control over these pics to someone else.

Sparklingbrook · 28/05/2014 10:07

I could not tell you what the brides dress was like at any wedding I have been to. Blush

HappyMummyOfOne · 28/05/2014 10:13

Yes, evening guests will have been waiting with baited breathe to see the dress Hmm. I doubt it given they were second tier guests anyway so know they were important enough to see the actual wedding vows which are supposed to be the main reason for the wedding in the first place.

Most weddings now are very little to do with the joining of the couple in marriage but a self obsessed time where the bride seems to think she should be obeyed and have everything she wants. Bigger parties, websites so the bride can bore everyone to death for months before and then don't forget the recouping of the costs by fleecing your guests for an entry fee via an awful poem and a postbox just waiting for you to part with it!

Dictating what colour guests should wear, what they can and can't photograph or share with others isn't on. If there's a child or adult who can't be photographed due to protection, completely different but word it like that tactfully and people would respect it.

SirChenjin · 28/05/2014 10:35

I can tell you what 2 of the brides wore, because they are my besties from school - we met when we were 11 (45 now) and so I paid close attention. I can't tell you what any other bride wore - and an evening guest I certainly haven't spent the entire day waiting with bated breath, desperate to see the bride's frock.

OwlCapone · 28/05/2014 10:36

This is because she wanted evening guests to see her dress when they arrived

The vast majority of guests really, really aren't that fascinated by the dress, despite what some brides might think.

Well then, they won't care that they've not been able to see it on FB will they? The bride however does care and, given it makes a difference to her and not the guests, I think her wish wins out wrt photos of the wedding party. Photos of other guests, not so much.

Ioethe · 28/05/2014 10:58

You're being invited to a big party at their expense, does it really kill you to let them pick the photos they want published?

They may also have reasons they aren't sharing with you.

MistressDeeCee · 28/05/2014 11:14

I don't blame her for not wanting her pics online. Why would she?Just because the whole world & its aunty wants to fling up pics online to show whats happening in their lives & where they've been, and then act as if they're providing an essential service when some are 'hmmm' about it, doesn't mean everybody else has to like it.

I HATE pics of me being put up online. I couldn't care less what anyone thinks about that. If at family events it can happen, but Ive got "Review" on my FB so it doesn't go onto page unless I want it to. I don't do selfies either. My friends know Im fussy like that and it doesn't bother them at all. They do their way, I do mine.

I go to weddings and see people with phones out and before you're out of the church, they've uploaded pics to FB via their 'phone. People have forgotten to live in the moment at the expense of being a FB "pseudo-celebrity" with the most interesting page "I put it up 1st" pics. Its no wonder some people have become a little para about these things. So.. the Bride doesnt get the chance to put out 1st the pics of wedding she thinks are the most beautiful. Not that that should matter - after all, it is her day Hmm

Burren · 28/05/2014 11:14

Gosh, some of you would love me. I said no photos whatsoever of our (tiny) wedding, and there aren't, apart from one blurry one we took ourselves in a black cab on the way to the restaurant.

MistressDeeCee · 28/05/2014 11:17

& 24 hours after event is fine. In the meantime you people can be happy for the bride and groom, be in the moment enjoy the wedding and reception, and not expire if they're unable to unload pics for a bit

SirChenjin · 28/05/2014 11:22

Well then, they won't care that they've not been able to see it on FB will they?

I imagine that these evening guests who have to be kept waiting for the big frock reveal won't care, no. I'm not sure that's what people are really looking at FB for though....

But then, it's her wedding, isn't it

OwlCapone · 28/05/2014 12:46

But then, it's her wedding, isn't it

They are photos of her and I think she has a right to say whether they are plastered over social media or not. Nothing "stampy foot" about that.

Any guest who thinks "I'm going to do whatever I damn well like and stuff anyone else's wishes" is 1) an arse 2) clearly not a friend and 3) a
Guestzilla. They also need to look long and hard at their apparent social media addiction.

Sparklingbrook · 28/05/2014 12:47

I do disagree with the it being a party 'at their expense' when I have forked out for a gift, a new outfit, petrol, a night at a hotel I wouldn't choose to stay at in a million years plus paying for drinks. Grin

SirChenjin · 28/05/2014 12:51

And conversely if any stampy foot bride thinks "it's my wedding and I get to say who sees pictures of my frock and when because I simply mustn't be denied the grand unveiling" is 1)an arse 2)clearly not a friend and 3)a Bridezilla who needs to look long and hard at their 'I need to be the centre of attention' addiction

OwlCapone · 28/05/2014 13:05

A person has every right to say whether they want pictures of themselves plastered over social media. It's really not hard.

How on EARTH did people survive before Facebook, digital cameras and camera phones...? This need to plaster every detail over the internet is far more self centred than anything else.

Sparklingbrook · 28/05/2014 13:06

I am just glad there are no weddings coming up for me to attend-it all seems very complicated these days.

Hopefully by the time my children get married if they choose to it will all have reverted to normality as far as weddings go.....