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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Bride to be telling everyone they can't put the pictures they take of the wedding online but must use an app instead

201 replies

AlwaysLookOnBrightsideOfLife · 25/05/2014 10:54

...so she & groom can see them first, before verifying them and uploading.

I think I've seen it all now. Just saw a message online from a bride to be, telling all her wedding guests that they 1. Can't upload pics they take on the day to fb/other social media, 2. They must use an app instead & send their pics there instead, 3. They aren't to send their pics to the app until 24hrs after the event and 4. The b&g will go through the pics themselves after the event & upload them to social media if they like them .

Aibu to think this is really unreasonable especially for it to be demanded & bridezilla-esque or am I just not in touch with the times? Is she unreasonable in her request or is it a case of their day, their rules? Would you want to go to a wedding that had this rule imposed?

If it helps, her reasoning when not asked was that she didn't want people to see any pics before they got there and spoil what they (the b&g) look like for them. Hmm

OP posts:
PrincessBabyCat · 25/05/2014 20:27

Funeral photos and on FB?

My DH's family does that too. I didn't notice it at MIL's funeral. But at his grandfather's during the wake they were taking family photos next to the coffin so his dead grandfather was in them.

I, in all my amazing social graces blurted out "Why do you guys all want pictures with some dead guy??"

DH's aunt in explained with far more patience and kindness than I deserved that 1. he wasn't just "some dead guy", and 2. These are the last photos they'll ever get of him and that they wanted to remember his last moments with them before they had to say goodbye permanently.

(Luckily I was in good company, as DH's uncle thought it was funny to tell the funeral director they brought in the wrong corpse and watch him panic for a few seconds).

BornOfFrustration · 25/05/2014 20:34

I can kind of see her point. I was a latecomer to Facebook and there were some fucking awful photos of me on our wedding day on there. I got tagged in them by SIL straight away, and because I didn't know what I was doing they were there for ages before I worked out how to untag myself.

NoodleOodle · 25/05/2014 20:45

Also, it will be hugely important for me to have my brothers at my wedding, one of whom is painfully shy and near agoraphobic. I would want to vet ALL photos to make sure that none of him end up on social media. I would also not want to tell anyone about what I feel are my brother's private issues, so would not give this as a reason and definitely lie if pressed for details about why I want to vet photos.

You never know this couple's reasoning behind the request so, as it's no difficulty to the guests, I would hope attendees could respect their wishes..

Rainbunny · 25/05/2014 21:06

Vanity. They don't want any non-professional photos's that they haven't pre-screened which may show a double chin/back bulge etc...

I had a girlfriend who tried to do the same thing. Of course it failed spectacularly as most of the guests who had spent money on attending took photos- mostly of each other though as they'd dressed up and wanted some memories of it. Strangely my friend got annoyed that there were so many pictures of the guests having fun on FB but hardly any of her & the groom, which was supposed to be what she wanted!

slithytove · 26/05/2014 01:38

I don't know if she is BU or not.

I can see where she is coming from, because during our reception, photos of DH and I just married (literally, we were standing at the altar, first dance etc) found their way onto Facebook. I was pretty unhappy, not least because they were awful photos. I just think it should have been up to us to post the first pictures of us as a married couple.

Pictures of the flower girls, venue, guests etc didn't bother me at all though. We are all different.

dwinnol · 26/05/2014 07:38

It is unreasonable to ask your invited guests to do anything more than to enjoy themselves. Dress codes, money for gifts or photos requests are all vulgar.

KatieKaye · 26/05/2014 07:56

Concentrating on bride's reason being that she doesn't want to spoil the "wow" factor for guests. really? Does she honestly think that adult guests are tingling with anticipation at seeing her in her bridal glory?
Because they won't.
Her guests will not have their surprise ruined to see that she is in a white strapless dress. Possibly even wearing a veil.
She is mistakenly presuming guests are as involved with her wedding as she is and are breathlessly awaiting her "reveal".
Plus any random passing stranger is perfectly entitled to take a photo of her leaving her car to enter the church and even to come into the church itself during the ceremony.
She's being terribly precious about this.
Having said that, I do agree about guests having the good manners not to post photos on the day itself. perhaps the way around this is to ensure they have such a good time at the wedding that they do't even think about doing that? Only that would involved the bride thinking about her guests and not just herself.

Tweetinat · 26/05/2014 08:26

When we got married 6 years ago, we couldn't wait for friends' photos to go on facebook! We knew we wouldn't get the photographers photos for some time and we wanted to see all our friends enjoying themselves and how the day turned out. I don't get mumsnet sometimes.

FamiliesShareGerms · 26/05/2014 08:48

Who doesn't take photos of the B&G? It's probably the one day of their lives where they can guarantee that people will take photos of them, so the comments about them being up themselves on this point are, IMHO, utterly ridiculous and bitchy.

On the other stuff, fair enough to ask not to plaster them all over social media. And the rest is really down to how it's asked, isn't it? If, for example, they said they wanted to have all the wedding photos in one place so that they can get an album printed with the best ones, but they didn't want to give out the uploading password widely in case non-guests get hold of it, it's not really that offensive, is it?

Sparklingbrook · 26/05/2014 08:50

Most weddings I went to I didn't even take a camera.

Retropear · 26/05/2014 08:57

God I hate weddings,they're such a farce.Alongside this many couples seem to seem to develop a huge over estimation of their own importance.

I never bother taking pics and yes the assumption that all are waiting with baited breath to see the bride in all her glory is frankly hysterical. Grin

OwlCapone · 26/05/2014 09:00

I don't get mumsnet sometimes.

What's not to get? Everyone is different!! Mumsnet is no different to the real world in that respect. Just because you (and others) were happy to have your wedding plastered all over social media doesn't mean everyone has to be and people should respect the wishes of others in that respect.

Sister77 · 26/05/2014 09:09

Someone I know had a massive wedding (450 people) lovely Asian wedding and to make it crystal clear, it was in the bottom of the invites!
"Please do not put pictures of b&g on social media networks."
I thought it was for vanity purposes but 2 years later there are no pics of them on fbook. They are both on fbook but just didn't want pics in social media. Their choice and respected by all.

SirChenjin · 26/05/2014 09:17

the assumption that all are waiting with baited breath to see the bride in all her glory is frankly hysterical

^ This. Oh, absolutely this.

Tweetinat · 26/05/2014 09:45

Owl - I just find that on some issues there seems to be a real 'MN View' that isn't necessarily representative of 'real life'. Can't think of any examples right now (typically!) but I know there are some threads where I've seen others comment on how 'unlike life' the posts are and I've often sat there nodding in agreement (with the few dissenters). I do get that there will be some people who don't want their photos everywhere (and I would respect that by the way) but I've just not come across them in the real world whereas this thread would suggest that I'm the odd one out.

OwlCapone · 26/05/2014 10:05

I imagine that the rest of MN combined knows more people than you do :o

GhettoFabulous · 26/05/2014 12:18

Anyone using the phrase "the wow factor" and meaning it will be shot at dawn in my glorious new regime.

Hedgesinthewind · 26/05/2014 13:49

but I've just not come across them in the real world whereas this thread would suggest that I'm the odd one out

I have at least 2 collegues, & 3 friends not on facebook& clear they never want pics on the internet.And theyre quite normal people

expatinscotland · 26/05/2014 14:13

Too right, Retro.

fatlazymummy · 26/05/2014 14:13

Yes, I'm not on facebook either, and I don't want any photos of myself or my children on the internet either. As far as I'm concerned ,photos go into an album, to be shared with the people who I want to see them.
It's not difficult to understand at all.

Tweetinat · 27/05/2014 08:05

Hedges, but I assume you have significantly more than 5 friends - making those who prefer to avoid FB etc the minority. This was just what I meant about not getting MN sometimes - a minority view is often presented as the majority which is just not what I personally see in real life. I don't think it's unreasonable to feel like this in any way btw, I just think it's unusual.

Tangerinefairy · 27/05/2014 08:13

Some people don't like fbook, some people hate being tagged in photos before they have seen them first. This is about someone's wedding day. I was more than happy to respect this at my cousins wedding. I actually thought it was rather nice. I enjoy facebook as a way of keeping in touch with friends and family but in situations like this it seems as if nothing is sacred.

OwlCapone · 27/05/2014 08:35

I assume you have significantly more than 5 friends - making those who prefer to avoid FB etc the minority.

I thought the point was about respecting people's wishes with respect to not posting photos of them on social media rather than completely avoiding social media.

I have FB only because I needed it to monitor my DSs accounts when they were younger. I have 14 friends, 7 of whom are family. One of those family members traced us after more than 30 years using Friends Reunited and FB so it is easy to see why people may want to avoid social media. It took them 48 hours and none of us are prolific FB users.

Anyone with an ounce of common decency would respect a polite request not to post photos of a person on social media.

The level of vetting that seems to be implied by the OP is way over the top though. I would post pictures of my own family on that scenario but not of the wedding party or other guests without their permission.

Hulababy · 27/05/2014 08:37

Have no real issue with the b and g dictating what happens to photos of them. I would have an issue with them Dictating what happens to a photo I take of my child or immediate family that just happens t be at their wedding.

QuintessentiallyQS · 27/05/2014 08:46

I have only read the op. There is something fundamentally wrong with this oversharing mentality thats going on these days.

Yabu. Who are you to upload pictures of somebody elses event and other people to the internet?

I think it is a terrible thing that everything and everybody are shared on social media, especially if they have not consented. I really dont like this "selfie" culture where people need to validate themselves through what they do with others.

In the old days (and I know I sound "old" now) you developed your pictures and saw them in privacy, and shared them with visiting friends (who most likely stifled their yawns). What is it that people think others will find random party photos interesting? They are boring and tedious. Especially if you are not at the event. And if you are at the event, surely you can share photos in privacy, rather than without restriction on the internet?

Rant over.

Back to OP.

Maybe the bride/groom has a reason? Maybe there is a family member friend who has good reason to object to any pictures of themselves or their family spread online? There could be safety reasons.
I also think they just dont want random drunk bride, aunt mabel slippin on a dropped cupcake uploaded for people to laugh at.

I think it is rude to self-promote yourself and what you are up to through other peoples weddings and events.