To think I shouldn't be paying all this out?

[thepolymysticovary]

DP is a self-employed cab driver. He earns around 1200 per month for around 50 hours a week.

I work 20 hours a week and earn around 600 per month. I have been looking for a full-time job, but to no avail. A part time job is better than no job, I say.

Dp and I are childless, and have lived together for coming up to three years now. We both pay half to all househouse bills which adds up to 700, so 350 each.

As I also have to pay 100 for travel expenses to/from work and other little costs, I am left with next to nothing.

As I really struggle each month, I suggested to dp that it would be fairer if I paid 50 per month, and therefore he paid 50 more. Especially as each month I would say he spends at least 50 on his hobby, 30 on going out for drinks and he buys himself clothes whenever he wishes.

Last month, for three weeks, I was walking with holes the size of fifty pence pieces in my shoes because I couldn't afford new ones til I got paid, and the coat I wear is ten years old and rather threadbear.

Granted, he does take me for weekends away, and for meals out a few times a week, so AIBU and just an ungrateful piece of work?

Or until she gets pregnant and states the commute and hours aren't suitable with a baby hmm

Yep. That's the way it usually goes.

I'd have more respect if they admitted the truth.

No doubt some other reason will come up soon though.

Definitely. Go on Indeed, Universal Jobmatch etc and you can sign up for email alerts for local jobs. There are loads of care and support worker jobs on Indeed particularly. I wouldn't rely on newspapers so much because alot of it is online these days. Also care agencies will take you on. Many places will fund NVQs directly on the job for you, but they may have a disclaimer that says you have to stay with them for a certain amount of time otherwise refund the cost, which is fair enough.

Happy, i won't be getting pregnant any time soon so dont worry. You are all right, i should get myself a better paid job and not rely on Dp, starting from today. I used to be independent, and rely only on myself and i am a bright person really. I have always fancied going to an evening class training as a chef or in care work. I always thought myself too old though. Maybe now is the time for change. I do love dp, despite his flaws, and we all have them, he is great, but i need to know that for whatever reason he wasn't around i would be able to financially provide for myself. Today is the day for change.

I'm finding the OP's tone increasingly manipulative and I get the impression she is trying very, very hard to be victimised.

^^this!

I'm all for having a fair division of the outgoings (in terms of fair to each others earnings) but the OP isn't just earning less, she's physically working less.

If we were talking about two people who worked FT and one earned £12,000pa and the other £30,000pa then OF COURSE it would be unreasonable for the higher earner to not pay out more.
But THIS ISN'T THE CASE.

Do go and get some advice from someone who will help you with your CV and help you to sell your transferable skills. Please Google National Careers Service, look at all the free tools and see an adviser if you could benefit from the support.

OP is working 20 hours a week for £600 per month. So a rough calculation would say about £6.92 an hour.

DP is working 50 hours a week for £1200 per month. This is £5.52 an hour.

(Taking into account income tax).

So DP actually earns significantly less on a by hour basis.

Good luck, OP - I hope you find something great that suits you and gives you independence :)

Re. being "too old", I know someone who did A-levels in her mid-40s, a degree in her late 40s, followed by further training and began her new career (as a probation officer) aged around 50, so still with a good 15 years of working life ahead of her.

Do you think your dp will willingly do his share of the housework when you're working full-time, as you have been meeting your share of the bills while you weren't?

£5.52 is well below minimum wage so i doubt that's all he makes

Unless he's salaried for 40 hours a week and does an exta 10 unpaid overtime.

Think he is SE so min wage doesn't come into it. Presumably there is waiting around sometimes between fares too plus travelling time between each.

You say you work shifts, you can still fit cleaning in around your shifts

Ah ok, forgot he was a self employed cabbie, for some reason i thought this was a different thread.

I still don't know how a cabbie is making that little though, DPs friend does taxis aswell as working full time at a factory, he makes about £500 each weekend just from doing taxies. (totally irrelevant but just thinking out loud)

OP can you drive? I know you said you cant afford a car but do you have license?

What her DP earns is irrelevant. The OP is a grown woman who should be capable of supporting herself.

And she's already said she plans to look into some alternative careers.

If you do 50/50 with bills, you need to do 50/50 with domestic jobs/cooking/cleaning/food shopping etc

I know its irrelevant, that's why i put in brackets (totally irrelevant i know)

Indeed, the OP is a grown woman and should be capable of supporting herself. And her DP is a grown man who should maintain his own living space. With their current arrangement - which she admits isn't ideal and says she is going to change - she is using her extra time to do something for him that he isn't doing for himself. Until that arrangement ends, why shouldn't it work both ways?

I have just updated my cv ready to send off to every job over 30 hours.

DP doesn't due housework. I asked him about 4 months ago if he minded doing the vacuuming every other day. He hasn't done it once. He doesn't cook or do any housework ever. I even have to ask him if he will take the bin out. Most days he doesn't even move his underwear and socks from the floor from when he's taken them off. When I first met him he would leave food all over the counter and cereal out from breakfast. At least now he clears his cereal packets away. Every once in a while. By time I have got home, done the cleaning and sorted out tea each day, on top of the commute, I feel like I have done a full time job. Anyway, only I can help myself so I will pop my cv's to some potential employers.

What do you love about him?

He sounds revolting. A grown man who won't even pick up his own underwear. Why does he think he can have it both ways, where you are absolute equals financially but you run around after him like a maid? You do realise that even when you are working full time you will still have to do everything? I'd move back to where my job is, live in a houseshare and look for more opportunities there.

The levels of underemployment in the economy now isn't the op's fault .

He is treating her like a housekeeper.

OP ltb.

He has never lived with a woman before and when I moved in with him he was even worse! Didn't even clean the toilet after he had used it, so he is a little better I would say. His mum used to go and clean for him bfore I moved in, so I blame her too. I ask him to do things, he says he will start, but never does.

What I love about him: I love that he's affectionate sometimes and he does nice things like takes me on days out on his occasional full days off. He is caring too, although I have made him sound like a complete arse. He isn't all the time, he's a lovely person really. Just been completely and utterly spoilt by his parents right into adulthood.

Thanks Weatherall, I really have applied for every full time job that I think I will be able to do.

For goodness sake, have some self esteem, leave him and look for a decent job.

How can you possibly bear to have sex with someone who won't clean the toilet or pick up his underwear ....... why do women put up with s like this? Surely you would prefer to have a comfortable, single life style . Quite honestly by putting up with this behaviour you are just enabling it.

This is irrelevant but you asked him to hoover every other day? As in every second day? Do you do the alternate day?

You have no children he's at work all hours why do you need to hoover so often? (Is that normal? )