To think it's snooty to make a point of not socialising with colleagues

[Vintagejazz]

I'm not talking of people who prefer, most of the time, to socialise with friends outside of work. That's probably healthy and normal.

But I've come across some people who, on some kind of point of principle, refuse to entertain the idea of going to any social event that's work related or to even to just go for a casual drink with a colleague after work. I even know a guy who boasted that in 30 years working he had never been to a retirement do, a promotion celebration or an office Christmas party. He seemed to think that was some kind of admirable achievement.

AIBU to think that it's a bit of a silly position to take and there's no harm in occasionally going to the pub with colleagues to wish someone well in their retirement or even just to have a wind down and a laugh with people you spend so much time with in a work related setting?

And people who say 'oh I'd rather be with my dh and dc or my real friends' do sometimes sound a bit snooty and superior - as if they think anyone who occasionally goes out for a drink after work has no life or something.

If big loud boozy work dos aren't people's thing, fair enough. Not keen on them myself. But going for lunch or a pizza with a few colleagues, or popping in to someone's leaving drinks for an hour won't kill most people.
And no need to be making snooty remarks a la 'ooh no, I'd much rather spend my valuable time with family and proper friends'.

Having a firm, blanket rule that you will never associate with colleagues outside of the workplace is ridiculous.

To be honest, if I worked with people who I didnt like, and didnt really have anything in common with, I would be looking for another job. I think that if you work in a company then getting on with others both in and outside of work is quite a vital part of being in the team.

I've always socialised with my colleagues in every job I've had, I guess I've been lucky, having said that I'm the sociable type and like to have friends at work. I have a good network of friends outside of work, however.

I go out with the same work group at least once a week, usually after work but sometimes we have lunch on a Friday too. In the main most of them are functioning alcoholics and have v high pressured roles (hedge funders and traders) so I try not to go out with them any more than once a week! They are out pretty much every night being wined and dined by clients, brokers, etc. I don't know how they do it.

I get a bit socially anxious at the moment with anyone other than close friends. Having said that, I do go to the very odd thing, maybe twice a year, but it's draining.

It really depends on a lot of different things tbh.

Obviously it helps if you like your colleagues as a start.

I do go to key events like Xmas party but that's it and I make sure I leave before too much booze is sunk.

Don't get me wrong I like 99% of the people I work with.

However as a senior mgr, I learned that staff seem to think asking for a pay rise after 5 pints or airing a grievance is all too common.

So for that reason I tend to avoid, though v happy to deal with these issues in office hours with sober people!

It really depends on a lot of different things tbh.

Obviously it helps if you like your colleagues as a start.

I do go to key events like Xmas party but that's it and I make sure I leave before too much booze is sunk.

Don't get me wrong I like 99% of the people I work with.

However as a senior mgr, I learned that staff seem to think asking for a pay rise after 5 pints or airing a grievance is all too common.

So for that reason I tend to avoid, though v happy to deal with these issues in office hours with sober people!

Sorry for double post! Gah!

It doesn't make you a bad person needaholiday but seriously, if someone you worked closely with and had been very nice to you was leaving, would you not even go to the pub for an hour and have one drink with them?

That is a bit snooty, in my view.

I'm not snooty, I'm anti-social. I've never been to anything outside of work and am usually ill when they have those horrendous team building days. But then I don't socialise full stop. It brings me out in hives.

YANBU. I remember starting as a young graduate at a large organisation in a city hundreds of miles away from home. My department had no after work socials at all, not even at Christmas, as it was full of people who said they didn't want to socialise with people from work, they were paid to see them all day at work and didn't want to see them outside it. I found it a kind of inverse snobbery.

There was no socialising outwith departments either. Another new starter in a different department had the same thing. She left after 6 months because she found it so hard to settle into a new city where she knew no-one and had to sit in night after night (I only met her by chance after she had been there 51/2 months already and had resigned). I left after 18 months, never worked in a place with so many people with poor social skills.

Even if you don't like your all your work colleagues, you can surely make an effort to come along to a couple of social things a year, and go home early.

Chelsy wrote because she found it so hard to settle into a new city where she knew no-one and had to sit in night after night

That's a different point altogether though - why would she have to sit in every night ? There are all sorts of things out there you can join if you choose to. Far healthier, IMO to meet people from different places than to rely on your colleagues for a social life.

Because I already spend most of the week with them. Why spend more?

I'm only nice to them because I'm paid to be during working hours. Like hell am I going to spend my free time around people I'm not that bothered about. I've got family and friends who I'd rather see instead.

I'm not snooty, I'm unsocial.

I once knew a woman who didn't go to the leaving drinks her colleagues had organised for her, as a point of principle because she hadn't got to organise it herself. She didn't have anything against the people, or the place they'd chosen, but she was that much of a control freak that she wouldn't go unless she'd made the decision.

YANBU - some people are very strange when it comes to work.

BackForGood That's a different point altogether though - why would she have to sit in every night ?

Because she was quite shy and would have preferred going along to things organised by work at first when settling in. Because it was a city where there were very few things for people on their own to go along to. Because the workplace employed thousands and had trouble recruiting and retaining staff and this was constantly given as a reason for people leaving in their exit interviews - no social support for new starts new to the area.

I don't tend to go to work social events because I'm on my own with two kids so getting a babysitter is difficult and expensive but also I am very shy and find work social situations Very difficult.

I only want to socialise with friends. Colleagues in the past have never been friendship material, with the exception of one.

To prove a point, how many people when they leave actually continue to socialise with their ex colleagues? Colleagues are simply people you spend much if your day with due to the coincidence of where you all work.

YABU.

I don't socialise. My colleagues arrange social events in my presence without asking me: they go round the room asking who's in and pass me by. I used to say can I come too but they clearly do not want me there so I don't bother now. I don't feel at all hard done by. They obviously do not like me. I'm being pushed into a management role so they like me even less. Plus, I've only been there six years and am still tar new girl.

I have lots to friends. Drinks on a Friday with people who would't pee on me if I was on fire doesn't appeal. I am such a misery joy to work with.

My manager always says I should bring my kids over to play with his one day and I don't fancy that either!

Ok, office holiday parties are the worst. You have to be casual, but still professional, which defeats the point of a party. Actually, I've had fun at a couple. But most are just sort of cringe worthy.

I do hang out with coworkers outside work occasionally though. I've bummed rides home off my boss, and it didn't affect my job. I've hung with coworkers who decided to talk shit about what I said at their home parties. I've hung with coworkers that are still good friends. So as with anything, it depends on the person if I want to hang with them outside work.

Personally, I work better with people that I consider friends and am willing to put in just a bit more effort to help make their job easier. If you're spending a good chunk of your day around a bunch of people, it'd be more enjoyable if you got along with them.

It seems a bit odd to not be friendly with people you work with just for the sake of it. If you don't like them, fine. But you should at the very least give them a chance.

The answer to work socialising is the team lunch.

No drunkenness and an externally-imposed time limit (unless you have a very relaxed workplace).