To think it's snooty to make a point of not socialising with colleagues

[Vintagejazz]

I'm not talking of people who prefer, most of the time, to socialise with friends outside of work. That's probably healthy and normal.

But I've come across some people who, on some kind of point of principle, refuse to entertain the idea of going to any social event that's work related or to even to just go for a casual drink with a colleague after work. I even know a guy who boasted that in 30 years working he had never been to a retirement do, a promotion celebration or an office Christmas party. He seemed to think that was some kind of admirable achievement.

AIBU to think that it's a bit of a silly position to take and there's no harm in occasionally going to the pub with colleagues to wish someone well in their retirement or even just to have a wind down and a laugh with people you spend so much time with in a work related setting?

I never socialised with colleagues because every social event involved alcohol and I was a serious binge drinker (pre DC). The thought of going and not drinking at all just didn't appeal to me and I knew I couldn't stop at one. I learned this the hard way after going for a quiet drink with a manager then waking up 18 hours later at Heathrow airport with absolutely no memory of how I got there. I found all kinds of bus and train tickets and fines in my bag but no memory of having bought or gotten them. After that I just politely declined work events and got pissed at home so I could pass out on my bathroom floor rather than the pavement.

how old is this thread?

anyway not snooty just their persoanl choice might have had previous problems socialising with colleagues

I am still 'best' friends with someone from my first job 20 years ago, but would find it tricky to repeat the process now.

I like all my colleagues (and would go to leaving do's etc), but tend not to socialise on a day to day basis, as I am a manager, so it could get awkward for everyone.

I always sign leaving cards, and put in for collections etc, - it just feels intrusive as a manager to try and butt in.

We have low key Christmas drinks on the afternoon of the last day, which I am happy to attend (and I have the company credit card..)

OP, the premise of your question is really simple and a couple of responses from posters would have covered it. Short answer: because people are different, not necessarily snooty. Your follow-up posts have been a bit off, in my opinion. You're criticising people who have told you WHY they don't attend out of work events, which actually makes more interesting reading than the responses your strict question would have elicited.

I like my team a lot, we work closely together but as a spread-apart team. I work from home, they don't. They're in London, I'm not, I'm 4 hours away. I busted a gut this week to spend most of the week to cover a job in the office because it was needed.

I don't go to leaving do's unless I'm there in London because it would be a four hour drive, search for parking, attend and repeat the drive again to get home.

I have, until last year, attended the Christmas lunch because it's arranged so that out-of-office workers would be there anywhere. It's not joyful. It's a day before of pointless working in the office (when we home workers can do all that remotely), the office isn't big enough to accommodate everybody in at once so we're perched on the end of somebody's desk trying not to get in the way. Then on the Big Day it's into the office for 9am for the regular annual kick-up-the-bum and then straight out to lunch and endless drinking till late at night. What's not to love, eh?

I leave after lunch, which doesn't finish till 5pm anyway. Would I do it if it wasn't expected and I hadn't been quick enough/don't careish enough to book leave? No, I bloody wouldn't.

I do lots of things for my colleagues, help them out at any time with anything - and they do the same for me. We're a close and friendly team and nights out just don't affect that.

Oh Zombie thread. Still, it's an evergreen subject.

I've seen too many car crash moments on work nights out. It might be bonding but Im paid to work and I'll socialise with people I can trust.

Also many people might consider me "snooty"

I have always avoided them, the only exceptions have been where colleagues have been actual friends. Even then it's been limited to a christening or something. Never in a club or bar or anywhere very busy but I have my own reasons for that x

Also I work nights so I tend to be one of the people that works so that other people can go to whatever party it is

I think it's important to attend the Christmas do etc unless you have good reason. It's part of bonding, team building. Sometimes i've worked with people I class as friends now and other times I have gone along because I've felt I should. There are many adults out there with undiagnosed social difficulties. Only read today that Heston Blumenthal has been diagnose with ADHD at 50!

Oh zombie thread. Why doesn't MN delete threads after a couple of months?

I think its a bit sad to entirely close the door on socialising with your colleagues. Several times now ive found like people much better after a night out than i would have thought in work. Being a 100% about anything is dubious.

I think it depends on whether you work in a 'happy' department or not. If you're unlucky and there are problems (whatever the cause) you aren't going to want to spend even more time with colleagues than you already have to.

IME these evenings out aren't without strings attached.
I've known a colleague (not me) get drunk and sit on the boss' lap, get flirty, then spend an entire week trying to avoid them due to the embarrassment caused. I went along with these things but prefer to stay at home.

It's a free country, if someone doesn't want to socialise outside work, then why on earth should they be forced to?

I used to go to events I wanted to and didn't go to others.

In particular, I found christmas parties awful so managed to avoid all but a handful in over 30 working years.

I only go when in a position of having to go. I cannot stand when colleagues get so smashed out of their heads and start doing stupid things. The last do I went on was the Xmas party, and the boss slept with the intern, very classy!

In 22 years I haven't felt the need to socialise with work colleagues. I have a DH, DC and friends to see after pulling 60+hr weeks. The last thing I want to be doing is to spend more time with work colleagues and even less time with my family and friends.

Sorry OP, but spending the little time I have left with my DH, DC and friends takes priority over socialising with colleagues I'm afraid.

I go to some but not others
For example one year the Xmas do was bowling in a town none of us worked in or even lived in iirc

I hate bowling !

YANBU If you cannot stand spending time with work colleagues, I'd argue that you're in the wrong job.
I still have nights out with work colleagues from my previous job - they are now good friends. In my current job, I don't go to every single gathering, but more than 50%

Depends who you work with. It can be great working with some folk and they are completely different outside work. I never went to work "do"s very heavy drinking, and some other stuff, I wasnt in to. Did go on a couple, and people I thought of as "work friends", were so clicky, sitting in their little groups, di not enjoy at all.

I'm not a big fan of the whole work do thing so you are being a bit unreasonable.

Don't forget that a lot of people also have social-anxiety. For me, it's not just work related socialising, I hate and try to avoid all other kinds too, such as family parties, weddings, etc. I'm fine on a 1-to-1 basis but can't cope with anything more, such as a small group, and large social gatherings are a no-no. Even a family barbecue of say 6 people would have me being a gibbering wreck hiding in the kitchen! Then to have pressure being put on you to attend a works social event is just torment! Not everyone is the same, some people love socialising, others hate it. I'd hope any sensible workplace/colleagues would respect someone's wishes if they didn't wish to socialise outside work!