To think it's snooty to make a point of not socialising with colleagues

[Vintagejazz]

I'm not talking of people who prefer, most of the time, to socialise with friends outside of work. That's probably healthy and normal.

But I've come across some people who, on some kind of point of principle, refuse to entertain the idea of going to any social event that's work related or to even to just go for a casual drink with a colleague after work. I even know a guy who boasted that in 30 years working he had never been to a retirement do, a promotion celebration or an office Christmas party. He seemed to think that was some kind of admirable achievement.

AIBU to think that it's a bit of a silly position to take and there's no harm in occasionally going to the pub with colleagues to wish someone well in their retirement or even just to have a wind down and a laugh with people you spend so much time with in a work related setting?

"I'm paid to work with you lot but they couldn't pay me enough to socialise with you"

I like that actually

Self employed here though

True MrsNow the presence of that type of person probably wouldn't add that much to the evening - despite them thinking they're 'too good/busyinteresing' to waste their precious time mingling with work people.

I wonder, though, if some of those people who appear to refuse 'on principle' have other reasons. A couple of years back, a group of colleagues got into the habit of a weekly pub session - at the time I was so skint that I'd have to have either spent each one drinking tap water or scrounging favours. Looking back, I'm sure they'd gladly have brought me a glass of wine each week, and I'm sure they'd have been horrified to realise that I was being excluded by lack of funds - but at the time I just couldn't face them realising how much less than them I was being paid. It was a lot easier simply to invent a weekly commitment on the same evening with other imaginary friends.

Why should it be felt to be compulsory to go to someone's leaving do? It's not a popularity contest. I recently moved on to a new job and sent a casual I'll be at x pub after work and a fairly small number of people turned up, some of whom I know well and others less so. We had a nice couple of hours chatting and drinking and then went home. I didn't keep a list of people who didn't come and get upset about that, nor did I or anyone else go around putting pressure on people to turn up. My department had a cake at tea time for me and two other people who were retiring and my boss said some nice words. Job done.

Environments which have enforced/pressurized socializing can have all sorts of issues. Making people feel bad if they don't want to or can't go to after work events or don't like the atmosphere or activities isn't great (and can lead t allegations of discrimination too)

It's not compulsory Nooka but sometimes it's nice to make an effort for someone who's been good to you or who you've worked closely with. Refusing to go to such an occasion because of some ridiculous 'rule' about not socialising with colleagues is rude and pretentious. We're not talking about compulsory drinks on a Friday evening, or being frowned on if you don't attend the Christmas party, just people who are so hung up about not mixing work and pleasure that they take it to ridiculous lengths, often resulting in being rude or hurtful to other people because they can't even spare a half hour a couple of times a year to just show up at something.

I have done similar, Breastmilk. Invented imaginary friends/events so as I didn't have to socialise because I was either skint or I just didn't want too. These days I'm more likely to just say no sorry, I really don't want too but thanks for asking it's really nice of you. I don't think that's being rude or snooty. I do think to say something like 'oh god no! I have a life IS rude. And I have worked with some rude twats in my time and if they haven't turned up at anything I have attended I've been quite happy.

daisymaisy I don't need to take a good long look in the mirror to be happy with my decisions. And as mentioned, I don't care what people think of me.

In fact, for all the posters who have said they don't socialise, there are none (that I can see) that appear to be wracked with guilt and wringing their hands about it.

It appears that some folk aren't happy that we (general) choose not to socialise with work colleagues. I find that quite amusing

If people don't want to socialise wiith people from work too much, that's fine in my book. I don't go out with work people that much myself.

But people who come out with smuggy uggy remarks about being faaaar too busy with family and proper friends; or not being able to wait until they can get away from colleagues in the evenings; or having 'better' things to do with their time; need a major kick up the arse in my view.

Seriously, some of the people on this thread really need to get over themselves.

Shakey if you can't stand anyone you work with and think they're all people with major faults then you do need to take a look at yourself.

And if you don't feel like that about your colleagues, then that remark wasn't addressed to you in the first place.

I'd say it's definitely in the 90% bracket of people that I certainly wouldn't choose to have a drink with, yes.

I still disagree that I need to "take a look at myself". You've never met them (to the best of my knowledge ) so impossible to judge how awful they are. Wait. You're not the one who drones on and on and on and on about Hollyoaks then scrapes your yoghurt pot 6732573 times are you???

So in a nutshell, I'm still happy with my decisions in life, whether it suits other folk or not.

Well, in my opinion, if you can't stand 90% of your colleagues, that says a lot about you. Hey, you're not my cousin are you? The one that's constantly leaving jobs because there's something wrong with every single person she has to work with. The one that we have all formed our own opinion of.

If you've worked for ten years in the same place and have disliked all of the colleagues that have come and gone in those years then, I'm sorry, but you sound like a very difficult person to work with.

Daisy, you are not reading the posts properly.

Crystal has never said that she didn't get along with all her co-workers, just soem of them. That doesn't man that she need to look in the mirror or is a difficult person.

YOU on the other hand with your refusal to see things in another light other than your own and refusal to read posts properly make you seem ignorant and arrogant.

Nice try Smiles. Crystal made her response to a post of mine concerning someone who didn't like 90% of her colleagues. Maybe you should read posts properly in order to understand the context in which subsequent posts are being made.

Oh and by the way Crystal has made several posts indicating that she doesn't like the vast majority of her colleagues eg "I work with a bunch of arseholes" so please stop making cheap attempts to be insulting.

Daisy, some people may deem your posts to be insulting. For example, telling people to look in the mirror, that they must be a difficult person to work with etc.

Not me btw, I couldn't give a fuck.

Just, swings and roundabouts. But it does seem to be going around in circles and never the twain shall meet.

I'm not making any attempts to be insulting.

IF you want I'll just come straight out and say it.

You are nothing but an arrogant, ignorant bitch. You are twisting words and ignoring others. You are not worth responding to and are loosing this argument with little snidy comment like the last two.

You are coming across as rude and insulting and not worth another post.

I've only said that to people who have been very insulting about their entire workforce Shakey. And other posters have also made that point. If you find something wrong with the vast majority of your colleagues the fault, in the vast majority of cases, lies with you. Yes, that might be insulting to hear; but it is equally insulting to snub your colleagues and say you wouldn't dream of socialising with them because you've got better things to do.
Maybe you don't like hearing that, but there you go.

Wow Smiles. I think that last post speaks volumes about you. You are coming across in an incredibly negative light. I'm not sure if you expect me to answer in kind, but I wouldn't dream of doing so. I would be ashamed to make a post like that. Deeply ashamed.

Smiles What a disgusting post. I really think you should apologise. That is something an overwrought teenager would come out with. Pathetic.

No. I stand by what I say.

She can tell posters that they are the problem and need to look in the mirror and yet if anyone dares pull her up on it and her attittude they are told to apologise.

I tried being polite and I tried to point out what she is coming across as. She chose to ignore that, continue with snidy little comment and a smug attitude.

I won't apologise.

I think it's you who should look at the way you're 'coming across'. I won't describe how that is as I'm not as rude as you. Your previous post was beneath contempt and you should be ashamed of yourself. You are the only person on a ten page thread who has resorted to namecalling and telling someone they're a bitch. If you don't see anything wrong with that, then there's no point in trying to reason with you.

I can understand that crystal I also think people in th'office may think I'm odd or whatever and it is a case of having zero in common with them.

There was one guy once who was sat temporarily in our "pod". He had a quirky sense of humour. I liked him