to think she could have waited until GCSEs are over before dumping him?

[MumofSobbingTeenager]

So I have an inconsolable, sobbing DS on my hands after his g/f of 14 months has dumped him totally out of the blue, in the middle of their GCSEs, for no specific reason - that she'll tell him anyway. She has apparently decided that she's not ready for a relationship.

FFS. AIBU to think she could have waited just another 2 weeks until the exams are over?

She's 16. Of course she should have realised that right in the middle of GCSEs was not the right time to dump someone. YANBU.

Maybe the reason she wasn't seeing him over exams was because she'd felt this way for weeks and was trying to hold off. But if she was feeling under pressure then she crumbled from that and dumped him rather than continue to keep up an act during her first stressful set of national exams.

No but you can make a reasonable assumption based on experience and common sense... Being broken up with during exams will be upsetting so it might be best to wait (were possible)

as several Pp have said less uosetting usually when you are the one in control. Also then you can say avoid doing it the day before an important exam for you.

I tell all of mine to treat other people how you yourself would like to be treated, to end relationships sensitively and to always be kind.

YANBU op, she could've waited 48hrs and it's hard to manufacture a reason for why that might've been detrimental to her in any way.

We know absolutely nothing about the personalities of either of these kids, or the history of their relationship, or what their lives are like. There is so much projection in this thread!

All the OP needed was a little bit of sympathy from other Mums, not to hear that some poor girl should not be forced to have sex with her brute of a son...

No its not contradictory as i dont agree that waiting would affect anyone’s results

I have to say if a subterfuge went on for weeks - I could see lies pilling up and getting stressful - it getting harder to find excuses not to be together, text or have contact, being uncomfortable with physical affection and it very probably cause worry for the person about to be dumped as they detect the change in attitude. Who needs that in the middle of exams?

So I think waiting weeks could easily cause stress and affect exams. As MinesAPintOfTea she could have tried waiting and found she couldn't.

It's all speculation and conjecture as the girl has given no reasons.

As I said it would have been nice for her to wait two days but she didn’t and her reasons aren’t really going to help OP or OP DS to get his focus on the exams now.

Awful awful responses to suggest this girl should consider her boyfriends needs over her own. I really hope this I not the message we are sending to our boys and girls.

Oh, come off it. You have no evidence for stating that she "needed" to dump him now instead of waiting a couple of days. The message I for one would like to send is that people should at least try to be kind to those they have been in a long relationship with when they have to dump them, unless of course that relationship has been abusive. And it is a message that applies equally to boys and girls.

I tell all of mine to treat other people how you yourself would like to be treated, to end relationships sensitively and to always be kind.

YANBU op, she could've waited 48hrs and it's hard to manufacture a reason for why that might've been detrimental to her in any way.

I agree with your first point, and having had the experience of being strung alone by someone who didn't have the balls to dump me properly in case I got "upset", then actually I think what she did was the best course of action anyway.

Be dumped isn't fun, however it's done.

All some of us are trying to say is that if you start saying that you have to stay in a relationship for ANY reason you blur the lines and leave possibly vulnerable people both male and female believing they don't have the right to walk out on abusive relationships.

And again, come off it. Suggesting that it would be kind for the dumper to wait a couple of days to avoid messing up the dumpee's exams doesn't conceivably send any signals that people have no right to walk out on abusive relationships. That is simply a bizarre argument.

I'm surprised that so many people are teaching their children that their happiness is the only thing that matters.

I'm like adeucalione - I tell all of mine to treat other people how you yourself would like to be treated, to end relationships sensitively and to always be kind.

And there is no other evidence to suggest waiting would have been an option, Icimoi.

It is up to the girl when she decides is the best time for her to have ended the relationship without question.

Yabu

She needs to think of her own exams. It would be stressful for her to be keeping up a pretence.

Well! This'll teach me to put something impulsive on AIBU!

I am amazed at how this thread has gone in some quarters.

For the record:

I have 4 dc, 2 boys and 2 girls. DS in question is no3. Some might say I am a high flying career woman, and I've been called a militant feminist by many, and I still do not see this as a feminist matter and if this had been a BF of one of my DDs I'd be asking the same question.

They have not seen each other much lately as they are both revising hard and they had no set plans to see each other in the near future, until the exams are over. They are not at the same school and she lives 24 miles away. He's confused about what happened suddenly to make her come out with this decision. I was surprised as this seems very out of character for her and FWIW I am very fond of her (and I await someone who will twist that into something sinister). But I agree that I expect there's something we don't know.

I agree with all those who have talked about kindness and consideration. That's what I teach all my dc.

Thanks for all the comments.

Oh no you don't!

Don't you dare come back here now and pretend to be all reasonable.

Just don't, you horribly reasonable woman you

Hugless, sad as your tale is it is simply not comparable to a 2-sleep wait to give a 16 year old a couple of good night's sleep for exams.

That's not the same as sacrificing your own happiness for months on end because you have somehow got yourself sewn up into a weird and unintended martyr mode.

Then again, I do appreciate that I am in a minority here!

Dearie me, this thread went weird.

OP, I do hope your DS is ok and the exams go well.

I'm surprised that so many posters think you can make hard and fast rules about this situation. I don't think you can.

We know so little, we should give both teenagers the benefit of the doubt. Not assume either that he is abusive and maybe selfish and entitled, or she is.

OP it may be that's she's met someone else and is doing the decent thing? I hope his exams go very well in any case.

Hugless, sorry if I touched that nerve. I hoped to come sound understanding of your experience as I have a faint inkling of how you get yourself into that sort of position.

For me it was needlessly being subservient and polite to a whole heap of ILs. It took DH and myself about 10 years to sort that one out and I still have no idea what made me do it... it certainly wasn't anything to do with his expectations

They have not seen each other much lately as they are both revising hard and they had no set plans to see each other in the near future, until the exams are over. They are not at the same school and she lives 24 miles away

Now I see where you were coming from with two weeks- I was assuming same school at very least same town - so likely to bump into each other or make plans.

Hope your DS is doing better and aced his exams.

It's a shame there doesn't seem to be much sympathy for a young lad who's been dumped suddenly at a stressful time. It seems to me that for some posters had it been him doing the dumping he would have been a heartless little swine with no thought for others. Too many people see young men and teenage boys as the enemy and teenage girls as helpless victims, which is insulting to both.
Hope he's doing a bit better today OP.