to think she could have waited until GCSEs are over before dumping him?

[MumofSobbingTeenager]

So I have an inconsolable, sobbing DS on my hands after his g/f of 14 months has dumped him totally out of the blue, in the middle of their GCSEs, for no specific reason - that she'll tell him anyway. She has apparently decided that she's not ready for a relationship.

FFS. AIBU to think she could have waited just another 2 weeks until the exams are over?

princess yes I agree with that.

Teen years are when we help them set the future boundaries and parameters for future long term relationships.

Mine knew that we would always encourage them to put their happiness first with due regard to the needs of others.

So when dds bf was messing her around she got rid as she had been raised to take no shit. Similar to our dss.

Still feel very sorry for ops son. But pebble and beach/fish and sea.

KE throwing yourself downstairs and taking an overdose could be seen as the ultimate control mechanism. If you dump me I will kill myself. That's very sad but ultimately not the bfs fault.

You can't live your life being blackmailed like that.

"I'd be disappointed if she stuck in a relationship she was unhappy with to make a boy happy for the same reason I'd be disappointed if she had sex with a boy to make him happy.

But quite frankly, if this was during exams and a boy was distracting her head space to study, I'd encourage her to ditch him so she could focus on her future. I wouldn't sit there and have her be distracted for two weeks so someone else's child could do well on the exams."

Excellent post Princess. I have 2 DDs and its how I would think. I'd also think it if I had 2 DSs.

OP I don't think you are being unreasonable, she only had a couple of days to wait to tell him. I'm fairly certain nothing was that pressing for her. For anyone sayng 'yes we should all wait to dump the men because their feelz...' I don't think this is about men or women I'd have said the same if it was a girl being dumped by her boyfriend (in fact I suspect more people would have said it if it were switched.) As for not having the maturity at that age - that age is 16 not 10 and they are a little more mature. Mature enough to wait a couple of days and mature enough to understand the impact on another person's exams. For the record I have worked with teens around their exams, they do get it. However, they (like adults in fact) can be selfish and she clearly was, again, for whatever reasons.

My boyfriend dumped me before my finals at university (1 and a half weeks prior to them) I think it affected me badly - we had lived together - but I did well in them in the end and I'm sure your DS will too. He was older than me, so I'm not sure maturity has anything to do with it. Some people are just self-centered. Your DS will be ok and his girlfriend, well she's probably going through some stuff too. I hope they both do well in their exams in spite of the drama.

Those suggesting that any teenage girl should stay in a relationship for a second longer than she wanted to, along with whichever physical demonstrations which such a charade would demand of them, need to have a good, hard look at themselves.

Get a grip. It is a couple of days during which they should be studying not having physical relations. This isn't about being a feminist it is about caring for people generally. I'm sure she had her reasons, she is old enough to know the impact it might have but she chose to do it anyway. It may have been a selfish act but she probably has her own issues going on in the background. I think she could have waited (and no, I won't take a look at myself FGS) but she didn't, who knows what the background is. It's sad I feel a bit for both of them, having this going on in the midst of exams but I suspect in a few months time they will both be fine. I hope so anyway.

YANBU Op how awful.
She definitely should have had some empathy. Very selfish.
Some subjects like english and maths are needed for uni meaning a retake.
I cant really see why she would be analysing their relationship during gcses anyway.
How would she have felt if hed done that to her.
And due to the stress already under i would be worried about him having an out of proportion reaction to it.
If i were here parent i would be saying you are obviously not ready for a relationship at the moment
Hope he realises he is better off without her

All she ended to do was focus regardless of wether she was his girlfriend or not.

Does that not work both ways?

The issue is we only have one side of the story.

The only thing she owes him is honesty & respect. She's told him the relationship is over, she hasn't done any of those "just until our exams are over" platitudes. She's been straight with him.

What bowler said.

Some of the posts here have really saddened me - one in particular is just vile. I reported it but I don't imagine MN feel they could/should delete.

Poor bloody OP having to read that shit.

There no say I'd stay in an unhappy relationship to please others and I think it's unfair to ask anyone to do that.

The girl who dumped the OP's son couldn't have timed it any worse and se could have single handedly affected someone else's future. That is a selfish act

If he doesn't do well it's because he didn't set his feelings aside, step up, and study. The only one responsible for his future is him. There will be far harder things for him to tackle in his life than girls and exams. Telling him he can blame someone else for his short comings is a terrible thing to teach someone. He is responsible for him, and she is responsible for her.

My boyfriend threatened suicide if I dumped him. I dumped him anyway, and if he did attempt it, it wouldn't have been on me. I would not have waited until he felt non-suicidal to dump him. I don't do the whole self sacrifice thing and have little respect for the people that do.

If you expect her to focus regardless of whether she's his girlfriend or not, why don't you expect him to focus regardless of whether he's her boyfriend or not? Bit double standard. You can't say the relationship isn't serious enough for her to just casually stick with it with no real cost to her and then turn around and say that this was serious enough to warrant him being devastated. If he's devastated about this, it probably would have been just as intense for her to stick with it. If it was as casual as everyone is saying it was for this girl, then he shouldn't be this upset about it and needs to stop whining. But you can't have double standards here.

It's a bit rough bit it will toughen him up.

My exbf of 4 years (all the way through uni) cheated on me just before my finals. He did it in such a way that I was bound to find out. I was told the next day. I later discovered that he did it on purpose because he wanted me to fail as he thought (wrongly) that I was shagging my male flat mate. His plan did not work.

Thank goodness I had people around me to scoop me up as you will do with your ds. Keep him close for the next couple if weeks.

Breaking up is very hard and yes I would expect a child if mine to act in a responsible and kind way of course but at the end if the day it's best to be straight and honest. Whatever the age.

Finial that's awful.

Op, hope he's okay today. Your first broken heart really really hurts.

A long term boyfriend of mine dumped me during a phone conversation the day I was provisionally diagnosed with a life limiting illness (which I thankfully turned out later not to have). The relationship had been in trouble for a while but his timing told me a lot about the type of person he was. Couldn't even wait for me to get home to my parents.

I agree Infinity8 - the "I'll live my life to please myself and fuck everyone else" attitude is far too prevalent these days and it would seem parents are happy to encourage this in their children .

I had no idea of the hostility felt towards teenage boys on MN til I read this thread .

I agree some of the comments have been very nasty.

It's nowt to do with being a lad it a girl either it hurts just as much.

Hopefully the ops son will power through and find another love. He sounds like a very nice lad.

Hope you are ok too op, it's horrible to see your almost grown up ones dissolve into tears. Had it with my dds and dss and it really gets to you. Xxx

The hostility to teenage boys is very very silly and not at all relevant to this post or any really.

It's sexist shit.

Poor lad. YANBU. 2 days would not have hurt her. I held off dumping someone once for similar reasons. It us not hard to do ( unless there is violence, abuse etc).

Selfish of her.

There is no hostility to teenage boys on this thread. The ops son has not been insulted by anyone (gobby was not refering to him) the girl on the other hand has been called vile and selfish.

All some of us are trying to say is that if you start saying that you have to stay in a relationship for ANY reason you blur the lines and leave possibly vulnerable people both male and female believing they don't have the right to walk out on abusive relationships.