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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think she could have waited until GCSEs are over before dumping him?

238 replies

MumofSobbingTeenager · 21/05/2014 21:44

So I have an inconsolable, sobbing DS on my hands after his g/f of 14 months has dumped him totally out of the blue, in the middle of their GCSEs, for no specific reason - that she'll tell him anyway. She has apparently decided that she's not ready for a relationship.

FFS. AIBU to think she could have waited just another 2 weeks until the exams are over?

OP posts:
gobbynorthernbird · 21/05/2014 22:03

Really, OP? You would expect a child of yours to stay in a romantic (possibly sexual) relationship with someone so as not to make that other person feel bad? Fuck. That. Shit.

Onesleeptillwembley · 21/05/2014 22:03

Why should she sacrifice her happiness and peace of mind for a couple of weeks during exams just to protect your son?
I get you're upset but you need to get a grip.

crazynanna · 21/05/2014 22:04

Thanks thebodylovesspring

MumofSobbingTeenager She got stronger day by day. They are stronger than we think. Just keep up his confidence, and listen when he wants to talk. At one point, I was the only person talking to her.

NearTheWindymill · 21/05/2014 22:04

What is a 15/16 year old doing in a 14 month "relationship" in the first place? My DS had a girlfried for about that period when he was doing his IB. Delicate conversations were held about them both supporting each other and not making rash decisions during the exams. Hem - and then when they still hadn't broken up after about 20 months - we sent him to New Zealand Grin.

My DC are almost 16 and 19 BTW so I feel "qualified" to comment.

Bananapickle · 21/05/2014 22:04

I do feel for your DS but he will cope and do fine in his exams.
When I was taking my degree finals my boyfriend of 4 years broke up with me, sometimes life is crap. I actually found it useful to have something to focus on.
All the best to you all as it's stressful without all this nonsense for him.

wheresthelight · 21/05/2014 22:04

i think i agree with squizita

do you really believe we should be teaching young girls that rather than do what is best for them they should pander to a bloke in case it hurts their feelings or disrupts their lives???

ohldoneedtogetagrip · 21/05/2014 22:05

This happened to DD2 2 years ago. She was heartbroken and begged for a reason after 2 years together. It was the night before her English exam Shock. He just said the relationship had run it's course
The ex came round a few nights later to say he had made a mistake. DD2 was having none of it. She thought if he could do that without reason at such an important time she could not rely on him not to do it again.
He was dumped Grin
She passed-he didn't..

Doinmummy · 21/05/2014 22:06

It's awful though when you see your child so upset. Your heart breaks for them.

NearTheWindymill · 21/05/2014 22:06

And, actually, even at 16 I think GCSE are such a passage that actually any decent, well grounded empathic teenager would hold off from that sort of action until they were over. Not least because they should be focussing on their exams as well rather than moving on emotionally to freer and new planes.

meditrina · 21/05/2014 22:06

"Yeah. Maybe we should all learn to wait until its convenient to break up with men. For them."

Perhaps I should add that back in my day, it could be either boys or girls who ended a relationship, and both sexes were capable and acted with compassion during exam periods.

And of course, the demands if recision mean that the actual amount of contact is reduced anyway, so not so difficult for a kind young man or woman to be considerate towards someone who recently meant a great deal (or at least something warmer than friendship) for a brief but critical time.

Original poster
MumofSobbingTeenager · 21/05/2014 22:06

We're talking two more weeks gobby. Not a fucking lifetime.

OP posts:
alterego2 · 21/05/2014 22:07

I don't think there is an absolute answer to this.

I have a DS - and I would hate to think of him being so unhappy at such a stressful time. And I have a DD - and I would hate to think of her trying to hang on in a relationship where she was not happy at such stressful time.

I hope your DS finds his 'sod you' attitude overnight MoST

basgetti · 21/05/2014 22:08

I agree with squizita and gobbynorthernbird. Expecting a girl to continue in a relationship she doesn't want to be in, with all that entails such as kissing and possibly even more intimacy, is wrong.

Bifauxnen · 21/05/2014 22:08

She has her own exams to think about and I think it's unfair to hold her responsible for your sons feelings, but I do feel sorry for him. She was under no obligation to continue the relationship just for your sons benefit. He has you to help him through it though. I hope it won't have too great an impact on his grades.

Crazynanna - Wishing your dd good luck also.

gobbynorthernbird · 21/05/2014 22:09

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Bowlersarm · 21/05/2014 22:10

YANBU OP. Your poor DS. I bloody hate it when they have girlfriends at that age-makes life so much harder in many ways.

At least he's got a load of them under his belt and she didn't do it before they started.

Ronmione · 21/05/2014 22:11

I wonder if you'd get the same response from people of you has posted about a dd rather than a ds

chocolatespiders · 21/05/2014 22:12

Poor Ds I dont know if she did the right thing at the right time but it is done now and it must be breaking your heart to see your ds so upset.
My dd is doing GCSE's at the moment and it is tough going.
Could you do him his fav tea tomorrow or could he meet with friends after the exam?

meditrina · 21/05/2014 22:13

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gobbynorthernbird · 21/05/2014 22:16

meditrina I'm saying that nobody (male/female/young/old) should have to be in a romantic/sexual relationship against their will. I'm not saying the OPs DS would ever do such a thing, but it isn't something we should be teaching our DC to put up with for the sake of not hurting other peoples' feelings.

usualsuspectt · 21/05/2014 22:17

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Message withdrawn at poster's request.

indigo18 · 21/05/2014 22:17

Gobby that is uncalled for and disgusting. There are some mean and nasty people around tonight. I am sure that the year 11 I work with would feel it is unkind and unnecessary to do this at such a crucial time. She could keep her distance, busy revising, but not upset him so much just before a big exam. And yes, I would say the same whether boy or girl. To imply that the OP's son will be 'groping and penetrating@ is offensive.

bumbleymummy · 21/05/2014 22:18

gobby, easy enough to make excuses not to see someone during exams - or, seeing as it's half term next week, wait until the end of this week so at least he doesn't have to do an exam the next day!

usualsuspectt · 21/05/2014 22:18

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Message withdrawn at poster's request.

indigo18 · 21/05/2014 22:20

No one is suggesting that she should be in a relationship against her will, but she could at least have waited till half term, to give him a chance to deal with his upset. Selfish behaviour.