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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think she could have waited until GCSEs are over before dumping him?

238 replies

MumofSobbingTeenager · 21/05/2014 21:44

So I have an inconsolable, sobbing DS on my hands after his g/f of 14 months has dumped him totally out of the blue, in the middle of their GCSEs, for no specific reason - that she'll tell him anyway. She has apparently decided that she's not ready for a relationship.

FFS. AIBU to think she could have waited just another 2 weeks until the exams are over?

OP posts:
indigo18 · 21/05/2014 22:39

I agree, Banna, there are some vicious men-haters on here. I understand that some of you will have been badly treated by men, but not all our son's are abusive, domineering arses.

LithaR · 21/05/2014 22:39

Inspace - no GCSE's are not that traumatic, but they are incredibly stressful and could affect his future. Being dumped during such a stressful and life defining time is traumatic.

Doinmummy · 21/05/2014 22:39

Trust me - GCSE's are traumatic- not all teens handle them well

VampyreofTimeandMemory · 21/05/2014 22:40

inspace they shouldn't be, given they're not the be all and end all that many people think they are.

Annunziata · 21/05/2014 22:40

This thread is mad, of course she could have waited until the weekend, they don't live together, they weren't going to see one another.

Poor boy.

gobbynorthernbird · 21/05/2014 22:41

Men haters? Tell that to my DH, DB, and 5 sons/step sons. I would want them to be able to leave a relationship at any time they wanted as well.

lessonsintightropes · 21/05/2014 22:42

Or indeed our husbands, brothers, cousins, and nephews. I find the way some posters automatically assume all men (even boys, who are vulnerable, lovely, silly shy kids just like our girls) are being tarred with such an unpleasant and nasty brush.

OP, I hope you don't mind, but I did report this thread to the nightwatch as I thought this was becoming unnecessarily nasty and bunfightish. Your DS's sad upset and really crappy timing of it shouldn't become some stupid fighting ground between the genders.

lessonsintightropes · 21/05/2014 22:43

My comment was meant to come right after indigo's.

ICanSeeTheSun · 21/05/2014 22:44

Your poor DS. 14 months together regardless of age is a long time to be together.

Yanbu, she could have waited and until grids to deliver this blow, giving him some time to process his feelings.

ICanSeeTheSun · 21/05/2014 22:45

Grids = Friday

InSpaceNooneCanHearYouScream · 21/05/2014 22:45

I did do GCSE's myself, so I speak from experience. Whilst they were a bit stressful, my parents were careful not to pressure me too much. I'm doing the same with my son. Exams aren't everything. But I hope your son's ok OP

BettyBotter · 21/05/2014 22:46

Bloody hell. There's such a hatred of males here. And I say that as a paid up feminist. Sad He's a kid with a broken heart and he's now a rapist? Really ??? We don't even know if it was a sexual relationship.

His gf could easily have left this until at least after the Thurs and Friday exams and let him have the half term break to get it together. This is story of a lack of empathy in a girl old enough to know better, a devastated kid and an upset mum and it would be exactly the same if he was a she.

I'm sorry for your poor ds, OP.

wheresthelight · 21/05/2014 22:47

jacks365 exactly the point i was making as was gobby

No one is a man hater. but no one should be forced to stay in a relationship just because the timing isn't good for one of them to be dumped

Ceasre · 21/05/2014 22:47

Perhaps the older we get the more we can not empathise with teenagers. My son has had the same thing happen although only "seeing each other" for two months. He is a nice boy, not some sort of rapist. I unfortunately remember that the nice boys got nowhere with me at that age. I also remember how at that age everything was the worst it could be. And my GCSEs were the worst time of my life. All you can do is let him cry on your shoulder and boost his confidence

iamsoannoyed · 21/05/2014 22:49

It's hard seeing your children hurt, so I can understand why you're cross OP.

However, this girl shouldn't have to stay in a relationship she's unhappy with so as not to upset your DS. Even for 48 hours.

Don't forget this girl is also sitting exams too- maybe the situation was stressing her out? Equally, it could be down to sheer thoughtlessness on her part. Without hearing her reasoning, it's impossible to say.

As another poster said, if my DD came to me and said she was really distressed/unhappy/stressed out by being unhappy in the relationship and having to carry on like everything was fine, I wouldn't be telling her to carry on until after the exams so as not to cause upset to the other party. If it was affecting her badly, I'd say she should end it for her sake. Equally, in the OPs situation I'd be annoyed on my DCs part.

basgetti · 21/05/2014 22:50

Well why is no one empathising with the teenage girl then? She could be anxious about ending the relationship, causing her stress that is effecting her own exam chances and just wants to get it over with. The fact that she is the dumper doesn't automatically make her a baddie who should sacrifice her own feelings and emotional wellbeing for someone else.

MinesAPintOfTea · 21/05/2014 22:51

I feel for your DS, but at university we all expected that there would be a wave of breakups during finals as relationships and people folded under the stress. It wasn't something we thought was considerate or wise, especially if both parties were sitting exams, but it was acknowledged that it happened.

If she wasn't also mid-exams then yes it would be cruel, but she will be struggling with the stress just as much as your son.

DejaVuAllOverAgain · 21/05/2014 22:52

Staying in a relationship she didn't want to be in could have had a detrimental effect on the girl's exam results. Her exam results are just as important as his and nobody should have to stay in a relationship they don't want to be in for any length of time.

Annunziata · 21/05/2014 22:55

Christ almighty, it's two teenagers not a marriage! I don't empathise with her because she doesn't have to see him, she doesn't live with him, she can turn off her phone and ignore him on Facebook and say she is studying too.

ExcuseTypos · 21/05/2014 22:56

I think it depends on circumstances.

If she could have avoided seeing him until the weekend, then yes she should have waited until then as its half term.
If she was bumping into him at school because of exams/revision etc then she should be able to dump him now. It so hard for him, but she shouldn't have to put on an act, which could have been very stressful for her.

usualsuspectt · 21/05/2014 22:57

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Glittery7 · 21/05/2014 22:58

She could have waited, acted a bit distant, made it easier on him at a time they both need to focus.
I'm with the OP and completely understand her feelings.

ICanSeeTheSun · 21/05/2014 23:00

There is never a perfect time to end a relationship.

Say my DH wanted to finish with me the worse time would be when the DC are ill or if DS is having an episode.

SantanaLopez · 21/05/2014 23:01

She should have waited, YANBU.

Everyone has the right to end a relationship when they want, but you still have to take the other person into account. For example, one of my ex-boyfriend's dad died when we were going through a rocky patch. It would have taken a stone cold bitch to dump him in the immediate aftermath of that.

SapphireMoon · 21/05/2014 23:04

I feel for your ds op.
I ended a relationship many moons ago round degree time.
To this day I feel some shame about it. I was really just thinking me, me, me. I was significantly older than 15. He never forgave me and I don't blame him.
Hope he ok for his exam tomorrow.

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