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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think she could have waited until GCSEs are over before dumping him?

238 replies

MumofSobbingTeenager · 21/05/2014 21:44

So I have an inconsolable, sobbing DS on my hands after his g/f of 14 months has dumped him totally out of the blue, in the middle of their GCSEs, for no specific reason - that she'll tell him anyway. She has apparently decided that she's not ready for a relationship.

FFS. AIBU to think she could have waited just another 2 weeks until the exams are over?

OP posts:
Dragonlette · 21/05/2014 22:21

Teenagers are definitely more resilient than we give them credit for. Nobody should be expected to remain in an unhappy relationship just because the timing isn't good for the other person. She is in all likelihood feeling rather guilty and upset about it all as well.

Being dumped isn't the worst thing to happen during your exams. My grandma died on the morning of my Maths GCSE, I still went and did it. A friend of mine did her GCSEs in hospital where she was having chemo (she made a full recovery). I taught a girl in the past who was giving evidence in a rape trial at the same time as doing her A levels - she'd had months of stress and unhappiness while they waited for the court date :(

Being dumped shouldn't affect his GCSEs too much.

LithaR · 21/05/2014 22:21

This is why I'll be putting my ds under lock and key before 18. I dread the day he gets caught up in teen drama. I'm sure your ds will do great and look at the bright side, no girlfriend to distract him from his exams. Wine

gobbynorthernbird · 21/05/2014 22:22

What I do know is that a teenage girl is being given shit by people she doesn't know (and one that she does) on the internet. Because she doesn't want to be in a relationship anymore. How can anyone not think she has the absolute right to finish the relationship? How can anyone think that this attitude doesn't harm girls? I'm incensed.

Alisvolatpropiis · 21/05/2014 22:23

What Topaz said.

OP the girl is doing her own exams currently, right? She is under no obligation to prolong the relationship for your sons benefit it is wasn't making her happy. It clearly wasn't, otherwise she wouldn't have ended it.

Get a grip.

Doinmummy · 21/05/2014 22:23

The GF only had to wait a couple of days before half term when it would have been much kinder to do it then.

wheresthelight · 21/05/2014 22:24

whilst incredibly poorly phrased i do think that gobby has a point.

Regardless of whether it was the girl/boy that did the dumping we should not be teaching our young people that they have to stay in a relationship that they don't want to be in because of external events in their lives.

Would you advise a battered wife/husband to stay because they posted they thought it would be mean to leave when partner had an important meeting in the next few days?

Zone2mum · 21/05/2014 22:26

The poor chap. I was ditched by my first love and first boyfriend a few days before my GCSEs. It was awful, I felt utterly heartbroken. I remember accidentally thinking about him as I opened my first exam paper but then consciously thought,"no you will not ruin this for me too" and focused. I was still heartbroken after the exams but at least I didn't let the callous boy ruin them for me. I hope your son is able to do the same, and not fall apart. His grief must be acknowledged but also postponed for last ditch revision and actual exam sitting purposes, if at all possible.
Does he know "I am the resurrection" by the Stone Roses. That song got me through that summer. Seriously.

meditrina · 21/05/2014 22:26

wheresthelight Has the girl in question been battered?

indigo18 · 21/05/2014 22:27

I would give the same response if it was a boy dumping his girlfriend the night before one of the most important exams of her life. 48 hours would not make a great deal of difference to the dumper, who could easily make an excuse to avoid contact until then. It's about being sensitive to the needs of the other person.

basgetti · 21/05/2014 22:27

Maybe the GF was so unhappy that staying in the relationship would have effected her own exams.

wheresthelight · 21/05/2014 22:27

meditrina you are twisting what i have put, please don't as it really isn't productive to the debate

gobbynorthernbird · 21/05/2014 22:27

Thanks, wheres. I know I'm not expressing myself particularly well, but I'm furious.

Doinmummy · 21/05/2014 22:28

I don't think a teenage romance should be compared with a domestic violence scenario.

usualsuspectt · 21/05/2014 22:29

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Bowlersarm · 21/05/2014 22:29

Why are people talking about battered wives, groping, penetrating?

Christ alive. The ops upset because her sons upset. Give her a break. Everyone going through gcse's now with their kids know how fucking hard it is, without the added stress of a relationship breaking down.

He'll be ok, OP, just try and get him to concentrate on his exams for now.

Bowlersarm · 21/05/2014 22:30

Xpost with usual.

wheresthelight · 21/05/2014 22:31

because there shouldn't be a distinction made over when is the right time to end a relationship based purely on what suits the person being left.

usualsuspectt · 21/05/2014 22:32

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Bannakaffalatta · 21/05/2014 22:32

Fgs I can't believe some of these posts. This has nothing to do with gender.

Yanbu. If they weren't going to see each other anyway I think she should have waited. And I'd say the same if genders were reversed.

lessonsintightropes · 21/05/2014 22:32

^what Bowlersarm said. This seems to have gotten very out of hand. The girl is probably not thinking of the DS, and for a girl of 15/16 who might not be totally emotionally mature that's not to be unexpected, which is why I originally said YABU, but bloody hell the way other posters on here have twisted this is just horrible. Chin up OP, hope your DS is going to be alright. Tbh even if this has a serious impact on his exams there are resits, it's not the end of the world but Cake, Flowers and either Wine or Brew to you.

InSpaceNooneCanHearYouScream · 21/05/2014 22:33

Well, sorry, but I don't think doing GCSE's is all that traumatic, actually

Bannakaffalatta · 21/05/2014 22:34

I have 3 boys and seriously hope they don't have a relationship with girls whose mothers think like some of you. Boys are just as vulnerable and loving and caring. I could go on.

Bowlersarm · 21/05/2014 22:34

Well good for you InSpace, you're very lucky then.

Alisvolatpropiis · 21/05/2014 22:37

I do understand your upset op, my brother is a couple of years older than your son, doing his A levels. I would be so upset if this had happened to him.

But it is just one of those things, unfortunately.

I'm 8 years older than him and have spent years driving into him in the pretty rare tough times he has had (contrasting starkly with me!), that he shouldn't worry, it will mean less than nothing in a year or so, won't even remember it in 10 years.

Wish your son the best in his exams.

jacks365 · 21/05/2014 22:37

No one is accusing the ops son of being an abuser but that young people need to believe they can leave a relationship at any time if not then you end up with someone in an abusive relationship who doesn't believe they have the right to end it. It is never the wrong time to end things.

Op hope your son is ok.

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