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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

School problem or pushy parent problem? You decide...

152 replies

Isityouorme58 · 21/05/2014 21:00

So my dd is good on the piano.
There is 1 whole school concert per year.
Last year a parent complained that it was unfair on the other dc as my dd was too advanced.

The schools response to this was to attempt to drop my dd from the programme, thus stopping her from the only concert opportunity the school provides Shock

Needless to say I went to see the head who I asked...

Who's in charge here you or pushy parents?
How do I explain to my dd that hard work and extra effort on her part doesn't reward?
How can I trust you to be fair?
Do I have to be in here every week like others?

My dd did play in the concert & the school did provide her with a couple of other opportunities for her to showcase her talents, which I appreciated.

Now here's the problem,

My dd is limited to no more than 1min 30 seconds every concert as are everyone else.. Several dont follow this rule & really do what they want.
I haven't complained about this, but have always followed the rules.

However my dd informed me that there was a musical assembly this morning that was news to us & not in the schedule or newsletter.
Several dc in her yr group played piano & one dc played no less tha 5 seperate violin pieces.

I am fucking raging at the unfairness.
I have been considering changing my dd school all year & tonight I've filled in the paperwork for notification.

Am I insane & seriously overreacting?

OP posts:
NatashaBee · 21/05/2014 21:02

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

SuburbanRhonda · 21/05/2014 21:03

How old is she?

Is she as bothered as you are? And how does she feel about changing schools?

Asking seriously, as this might help avoid making a decision in a fit of pique that your DD may live to regret.

YouTheCat · 21/05/2014 21:04

You are seriously over reacting.

It's not the Albert Hall.

Only1scoop · 21/05/2014 21:07

'No less than 5 separate violin pieces'

And counting....

Think you may be over reacting a tad.... Surely other problems also if you looking at changing schools.

ReputableBiscuit · 21/05/2014 21:07

It's great your kid's good at the piano. Why do you so need her to perform though? Are you showing off by proxy.

redskyatnight · 21/05/2014 21:07

Depends on the size of the school and how many children get to play really. DC's school have one concert a year, but only a handful of children get to play, and they are chosen to represent a breadth of instruments and abilities. My Year 5 DS has never been chosen to play

If every child gets to play and yours is the only one that doesn't I agree it sounds off- but surely not worth changing school over!!

Yangsun · 21/05/2014 21:08

It sounds a bit unfair but I wonder if there's more to it. Are they all having lessons in school? We're they all from a different class or year group? Perhaps there will be a subsequent opportunity for your dd when they don't get to play. (Although it dos sound like the ht is a bit wet!) if it bothers you I would get your dd to ask her teacher when she will get to perform in assembly and see what they say.

HauntedNoddyCar · 21/05/2014 21:08

I think you were nbu about the first concert and the other parent but yabu about this assembly.

Do all the other pupils get occasions to showcase their talents? What if they're not especially talented at something that can be showcased?

Watercolourfootballs · 21/05/2014 21:10

Hmmm, I'm not sure if you are over reacting or not.

Genuine question though, why do you think your DD should be in every musical event? Was she the only child who can play an instrument that was left out?

Original poster
Isityouorme58 · 21/05/2014 21:10

My dd is 10.
She doesn't want to change school.
I am definately proud by proxy.

OP posts:
Watercolourfootballs · 21/05/2014 21:11

Of the assembly I mean, think you were not being unreasonable about the concert.

longtallsally2 · 21/05/2014 21:12

YWNBU to ask for her to be in the whole school annual concert. YABU to expect her to be in every performance ever.

It's hard when your dc is left out of something but it's also a life lesson. She will not get into everything she wants to but if she keeps on practising and playing the instrument she loves, she will get lots of opportunities to perform.

Better for her to get used to not being selected all the time, now.

You are entitled to move her schools if you wish - it doesn't sound as if you are particularly happy with this one. But beware. No where is going to be perfect.

EverythingsDozy · 21/05/2014 21:12

If she doesn't want to change schools and the school is adequate don't do it! She will not appreciate it!

Original poster
Isityouorme58 · 21/05/2014 21:14

If some dc are not talented what would you showcase?
Because my dd is talented should she not be showcased because some are not?

She wasn't the only dc that was left out.

I feel that the school should provide her with every opportunity possible to encourage her & not just 90 seconds once a year.

I'm being really honest ... But it looks like I'm going to get my arse kicked.

Give me perspective if I've list it...

OP posts:
chilephilly · 21/05/2014 21:15

Is the school a good school? Are the children well taught? Is your child happy there? These are the important things, not whether they get to play in assembly. You may feel the school is being unfair, but life is unfair.

Original poster
Isityouorme58 · 21/05/2014 21:15

*lost

OP posts:
Original poster
Isityouorme58 · 21/05/2014 21:16

Dd is happy.

OP posts:
YouTheCat · 21/05/2014 21:17

So other children shouldn't get the chance over your dd because she is more talented?

I'm afraid your average school just does not work like this. If she is so proficient maybe you should see about a scholarship to Chetham's or something where she'll have every opportunity to shine?

Smartiepants79 · 21/05/2014 21:18

Well is she bothered?
If not then back off.
I can see that (from what you've told us) it is a little unfair but you also sound a little pushy.
Does she want to showcase her talents?
It sounds like she has been given her turn. Maybe it was other kids turn.
I'm not sure she should be performing at every opportunity.
If she's had some chances to shine then I can't see a problem.

Original poster
Isityouorme58 · 21/05/2014 21:19

I feel aggrieved that dd got 1-90 second concert when there was an opportunity today for her to really play a beautiful piece.

And really- why did she NOT get picked?

OP posts:
CoffeeTea103 · 21/05/2014 21:22

Sounds like you are the pushy parent hereHmm calm down, and let it be. As pp said, it's not Albert Hall. She was given the opportunity, but can't happen all the time.

KeinBock · 21/05/2014 21:23

Very charitable responses on this thread...

Only1scoop · 21/05/2014 21:23

You described yourself as 'fucking raging' regarding your dd being overlooked to perform today....

You do sound a little pushy

QuizzicalCat · 21/05/2014 21:24

EVERY child is entitled to equality of opportunity.

Not just the 'talented' ones. If your dd is given time to perform in every musical event then that means another child doesn't get that opportunity.

That is not fair, or equal. Just because she is good doesn't mean others should be treated as lesser.

How would you feel if another child was better than your dd and they got to play in every show, because they were 'talented' meaning your dd didn't get a single chance?

You are demanding favouritism, and that's not on. So what if she's good, that doesn't mean she should be treated more favourably or given more opportunities.

Move her if you wish, who knows, there maybe a child at the new school who can play far better.

HauntedNoddyCar · 21/05/2014 21:24

Well maybe the not talented children are brilliant at being good listeners orgood at computer programming or reading or something else that doesn't lend itself to an audience.