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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

School problem or pushy parent problem? You decide...

152 replies

Isityouorme58 · 21/05/2014 21:00

So my dd is good on the piano.
There is 1 whole school concert per year.
Last year a parent complained that it was unfair on the other dc as my dd was too advanced.

The schools response to this was to attempt to drop my dd from the programme, thus stopping her from the only concert opportunity the school provides Shock

Needless to say I went to see the head who I asked...

Who's in charge here you or pushy parents?
How do I explain to my dd that hard work and extra effort on her part doesn't reward?
How can I trust you to be fair?
Do I have to be in here every week like others?

My dd did play in the concert & the school did provide her with a couple of other opportunities for her to showcase her talents, which I appreciated.

Now here's the problem,

My dd is limited to no more than 1min 30 seconds every concert as are everyone else.. Several dont follow this rule & really do what they want.
I haven't complained about this, but have always followed the rules.

However my dd informed me that there was a musical assembly this morning that was news to us & not in the schedule or newsletter.
Several dc in her yr group played piano & one dc played no less tha 5 seperate violin pieces.

I am fucking raging at the unfairness.
I have been considering changing my dd school all year & tonight I've filled in the paperwork for notification.

Am I insane & seriously overreacting?

OP posts:
Original poster
Isityouorme58 · 21/05/2014 21:48

But in the interest of full disclosure ...

My dd was chosen to represent the school at an important function last year and she played the main piece in the school play 3 weeks ago.

OP posts:
Trillions · 21/05/2014 21:52

Frankly if I went to a concert the last thing I'd want is to sit through the stumblings of a load of tone-deaf klutzes who couldn't play for toffee. I understand this is the way things are done in today's inclusive, we're all winners here state schools though... how pointless and short-sighted to encourage children who have no talent! rather find what they're good at and let them shine at that.

Only1scoop · 21/05/2014 21:53
Grin
noblegiraffe · 21/05/2014 21:54

You actually filled out the form to withdraw your DD from this school? You seriously did this?

You need to get a hobby or something other than your DD to occupy your thoughts.

Noregretsatall · 21/05/2014 21:56

Well there you go op, you've said you so yourself! Your child was given 'other opportunities' to perform in addition to the annual school concert. Today it was the turn of others....deal with it.

indigo18 · 21/05/2014 22:00

Mumsnet is just hilarious tonight. On one thread, a mum is upset that her DD does not have a part in the yr 6 play - indeed she has NEVER had a part in a play. Suck it up, says MN; there are more talented children who must be seen and heard every time. These are the chosen few, the good actors, the reliable ones.
Then this thread; mum upset because talented DD is not chosen. Suck it up, says MN, all must have a turn, talented or not.....

Original poster
Isityouorme58 · 21/05/2014 22:03

trillions

It's a fee paying school.

OP posts:
Original poster
Isityouorme58 · 21/05/2014 22:03

noble

I work full time & am incredibly busy.

OP posts:
CalamitouslyWrong · 21/05/2014 22:04

But it isn't necessarily that the other children have no talent. They may only have just started learning, or not be getting the kind of out of school tuition other kids are. Schools are about learning and celebrating learning for all children.

It's a primary school. No one is sitting in awe of the talent on display in the school concert. They're there so their child can see them in the audience while they screech away on the violin or sing a song from frozen or whatever.

The school could save themselves a lot of hassle by having group musical pieces with other kids singing along, rather than 90 second 'showcases'.

Jinsei · 21/05/2014 22:12

I understand this is the way things are done in today's inclusive, we're all winners here state schools though... how pointless and short-sighted to encourage children who have no talent! rather find what they're good at and let them shine at that.

Oops, bit of an assumption there trillions!

indigo - I think this thread and the school play thread just go to confirm that teachers can't get it right whatever they do! If they let the confident, talented kids shine, others will moan that their kids never get a chance. If they try to share it around and let everyone have a go, some people will feel that's unfair too. Who would be a teacher?!

hiccupgirl · 21/05/2014 22:12

I am hoping when you use the word pushy parents you are actually meaning yourself OP as well as other parents at the school.

Seriously however talented your DD is, it's a primary school assembly. Why does she need to constantly 'showcase her talents'. Are there talent spotters hiding in the audience? I think you do need a serious think about why this is annoying you so much as it seems really extreme to move your DD from a school she is happy with over this.

YANBU about the other concert but then the changes make more sense if it's a fee paying school.

Original poster
Isityouorme58 · 21/05/2014 22:18

I did mean myself as a "pushy parent" hic she doesn't need to showcase- wish I hadn't used that word now.

If I was shit at tennis would they choose me for the school team because it would be nice for me?

Why should my dd not get the opportunity to play with an audience, she works very hard.

She's not the best at everything.
Why can't the school support & promote what she does excel at as they would for most other things where they only pick the best?

OP posts:
ADishBestEatenCold · 21/05/2014 22:19

"Every child that plays an instrument gets 90 seconds no matter what level they are at"

And what about the ones that don't play an instrument?

Do they get a 90 second showcase opportunity to sing, or read from their best essay, or recite a piece of poetry, or debate, or explain their unique understanding of the Roman Empire, or present their latest piece of artwork, or to dance, or tell a joke, or etc, etc, etc, etc.

"But in the interest of full disclosure ...etc"

So it would seem that over time your daughter has already had much more than her fair share, in comparison with her fellow pupils, of opportunity to showcase her talents.

In the interests of that fairness with which your op was so concerned, your daughter should really get no further such opportunity, in her remaining time at that school, but instead remain in the background, while her fellow pupils take their long awaited turn. I am sure there will be many to whom that applies.

Fair, would you say?

CalamitouslyWrong · 21/05/2014 22:24

If she was shit at tennis they might not let her be on the school team, but they'd let her play tennis in PE or any other routine tennis playing activities. They just wouldn't send her out to represent the school at it.

They did send her out to represent the school in playing piano.

Original poster
Isityouorme58 · 21/05/2014 22:25

^^
This is what I mean.

How could you possibly think its unfair not to be included in a concert if you don't play an instrument???

When it's the art competition should my dd whip out her organ because she's shit at art but deserves to be included?

I don't want fair I just want hard work acknowledged with opportunity

OP posts:
KurriKurri · 21/05/2014 22:25

So in fact your Dd has had far greater opportunities to perform than the other children and you are angsting over one assembly?

 O
 /
Original poster
Isityouorme58 · 21/05/2014 22:26

^^
That is to adishbesteatencold

OP posts:
Original poster
Isityouorme58 · 21/05/2014 22:27

Mehh.... You are all right & I agree to have completely overreacted.

But I'm still irrationally pissed at the principle.

OP posts:
Salmotrutta · 21/05/2014 22:29

Oh dear.

StarlightMcKenzie · 21/05/2014 22:31

I haven't RTFT but based on your OP yes I would leave the knobby school full of knobheads and take myself out of such a competitive environment of knobbiness as well as work on my own knobiness.

AgaPanthers · 21/05/2014 22:33

But the OP is paying through the nose to be surrounded by knobheads. That's what she wants.

kungfupannda · 21/05/2014 22:38

Oh come on. She's had multiple opportunities to be "showcased" and you're annoyed because she hasn't had yet another one?

She might be the most talented musician, but that doesn't mean no-one else should ever perform, or that she should be included in every single musical event. Other children will enjoy performing, and people will enjoy hearing others play.

And I'd strongly advise against the use of the term 'showcased' when dealing with the school. It sounds awful - like she's an asset to be displayed, rather than a child being given an opportunity to do something fun.

allhailqueenmab · 21/05/2014 22:38

this is a real problem with the piano. So much of the repertoire the the pupil will learn is solo so the only "outing" she will get is essentially under recital conditions. this is not the school's fault.

can you get her into an ensemble of some kind so that she has the joy and sociability of rehearsing (rehearsing with other musicians you respect can be a little like a concert) and presumably they will do gigs too?

If not on the piano, her sightreading skills etc will stand her in good stead to learn another instrument relatively much faster.

Schools are rubbish for music. if your dd has a passion and a talent you need to work with her on finding other outlets.

Original poster
Isityouorme58 · 21/05/2014 22:44

allhail

This is what I've been working on around identifying my knobbyness Grin

It is a lonely instrument to an extent & dd does need more opportunity to gain confidence and poise.

I've never used the term showcased before - but I have developed a BGT obsession of late so maybe I've picked it up Blush

OP posts:
Thenapoleonofcrime · 21/05/2014 22:49

OP, have you thought about local music festivals and competitions, my dd's piano teacher entered her in them from about two months into starting learning- they have all ages/ranges/type of pieces. It would be a much more appropriate place for your dd to play in front of an audience, as she has already had several turns in the spotlight lately at school and enough is enough. If she won something, she could take the certificate into school, they usually report that in the newsletter or show it in assembly.