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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to take my DD out of end of the year production in Y6???

363 replies

katmat3 · 20/05/2014 16:28

Please tell me because lately I am not thinking with clear head.
My DD is not chosen again for any part ( except singing and dancing with few other kids) . It's not the first time and maybe my pregnancy hormones are working but it's something that is happening all the time. I am aware as other few parents are that headmistress has certain kids that she always puts up as a frontrunners for everything ..But for everything all the time??? Really???I am talking about last 3 years.
Same kids,same main parts.I am gutted for my DD. I am not bragging but she is really good ,confident,very committed to her work or any given task but she just has bad luck.
This production is for Y6 mainly and she actually doesn't have any part.I signed the letter for her to give tomorrow that she will not participate (only one probably) but I can't let her always be in the corner while the SAME kids are always doing the parts...
AIBU???Please.
If I missed anything I will add....

OP posts:
Fleta · 20/05/2014 18:23

I produce children's shows. I genuinely choose the best child for each part.

And I know which children will excel and which won't. And I have countless parents coming in saying "X loves drama and is always performing at home and would be fabulous" - and chances are, they're not and wouldn't.

Let her take part - she'll have a blast. I always make absolutely clear to my child performers that principal parts aren't more important, that everyone is of equal vitalness to the show

WonderingAllowed · 20/05/2014 18:23

Oh god. We had this. Your post could have been written by me 6 years ago! DD's primary school was exactly the same. The teacher who was in charge of the 'production' came from a family that ran a performing arts club. She picked DCs that attended her family's club and no one else got a look in. We could not afford to send DD (£15 a session). DD had already missed out on parts in the years previous so put hours of practice into her audition (she made the DCs audition for parts) for the Yr 6 play.

She was bloody pitch perfect and I still have her practicing on film now but was turned down for all roles and told she would be one of the singers instead (kids who did not get parts basically). She was devastated to not get any of the parts and I was bloody furious and told the teacher involved what I thought of it politely of course. The kids who may be a little less confident than the precocious brats that always got parts than others should have been given roles. This teacher wanted a perfect 'production' not a school play so it could reflect well on her, sod the kids. Made me furious for years ages. DD decided she was crap and lost confidence in herself totally.

DD now studying performing arts at college and doing amazingly well.

TheOriginalSteamingNit · 20/05/2014 18:24

I can understand why you're sad, but I think it would be a real shame to end year 6 like this.

Shewhowines · 20/05/2014 18:25

I rarely complained at school about anything, but I did about our Yr 5/6 performance. I wasn't even particularly complaining on behalf of DD but at the sheer unfairness of it for all the kids.

Traditionally the yr 6 kids get at least one line at the last show of the year. That year a different teacher did it. Half the kids had nothing except have a competition to design the programme, of which only one child "won". They were expected to attend all the school time rehearsals, of which there were many, sitting around doing silly, time wasting, boring activities. It wouldn't have been so bad if they had been occupied in a meaningful way. The teacher was so condescending when I complained. I didn't even mention the unfairness of the same kids each year getting the main parts.

I feel your rage Op. I actually prefer the class assembly system that involves every member of each class. Yes the same kids get the bigger parts but it takes up much less time out of the school timetable. I think the big school production looks good but is worthless except to make the school look good or to benefit the same few kids year after year.

LetsFaceTheMusicAndDance · 20/05/2014 18:27

Wandering you really must get your DD to send a lovely photo of her first professional production to that teacher signed of course. Grin

Nothing better than having the last laugh.

LetsFaceTheMusicAndDance · 20/05/2014 18:27

Sorry - that' Wondering Blush

WonderingAllowed · 20/05/2014 18:29

And in a SCHOOL play, every kid who WANTS a part should get one IMO. Even if it is a small one. Bloody teacher at DD's primary thought she was Andrew Bloody Lloyd Webber.

Smartiepants79 · 20/05/2014 18:32

I would say that it's completely up to your daughter whether she takes part.
If she is bothered to that extent, fine, let her miss it.
If she wants to be involved and enjoy her last fling with her friends then that's your answer.
This is not about your feelings.
You cannot change this. Even if you go in and kick up a massive stink and school gives in (unlikely) then you will still always know that she got the part because you caused a fuss. So will all her friends.
I would suggest a word or letter just to say that you feel this has been unfair and perhaps they'd like to be more careful about it I the future.
Does this happen across all yr groups.

OwlCapone · 20/05/2014 18:33

OP, all I am reading is about you.

DogCalledRudis · 20/05/2014 18:34

Let your DD decide if she wants to participate or not

CrystalSkulls · 20/05/2014 18:36

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

queribus · 20/05/2014 18:37

But surely the OP's DD does have a part - it's just in the chorus, singing. Surely it depends on the size of the year group, but not everyone can have a speaking part. If they did the production would be very long and rather tedious.

In defence of the teachers (I'm not one!), most work really hard on these productions but can't win either way - parents complain if their child doesn't get a leading role, and then there are those who complain when they do about rehearsals!

Perhaps end of year productions should be discouraged because not everyone can have a leading role

JodieGarberJacob · 20/05/2014 18:40

I'm sure if you had decided to take her out she would still have had to do all the rehearsals so I'm glad she's taking part. Remember your dd is in lots of other things. Spare a thought for the majority of children who are never in anything! They are all special and just as deserving! I have been you and still find it difficult when my children are not selected for stuff. The plays are particularly hard because they are so public.

My own year 6 woes - dd2's year 6 production was changed to a play by the drama club of which no year 6s belonged. All year 6s were lined up along the side and back of the hall as the chorus. Dd3's year 6 production squeezed out 30 main parts, all of which were given to the other class. So one class had roles the other class were in the chorus. Stinky letters from me both times! (And DP chair of governors - you see, it doesn't make any difference!Grin)

Lesleythegiraffe · 20/05/2014 18:43

Stuff like this puts many teachers off doing school productions. Whoever gets chosen for main parts there will still be deluded parents who take offence because their precious little darling hasn't been chosen.

Putting on these shows is a thankless task. I know - I've been there and done it. Even had a parent turning up on my doorstep and home demanding to know why her daughter hadn't got a main part.

Get over it!

CharmQuark · 20/05/2014 18:51

Encourage her to take part, sing her heart out and shine!

It is great that she has represented the school in various academic events, and hopefully she can take her kudos from that.

But being in the show can be about having fun, enjoying being part of a team, enjoying the songs and doing your best. The kids in shows who look good are the ones who focus and do their best throughout, no matter how big or small their part.

Do her hair nicely, get her to rehearse the songs with you, make sure she sings looking at the audience, chin up eyes out to the back and middle rows, and she will be noticed. I always notice all the kids on stage.

Also, tell her to use the rehearsal times to learn everuyone else's lines by listening - younever know when an understudy will be needed.

BigBirthdayGloom · 20/05/2014 18:52

If the five are the most talented at drama then they should get the leads. Unless sports teams start changing so that they also give everyone a chance.

ICanSeeTheSun · 20/05/2014 18:55

Not every one can Shine, I think your DD has represented the school a few times.

How would you feel if a parent complained that your DD was always picked for math/spelling.

Pulling her out will only give her the message that if you kick up a fuss, then things will go your way.

EvilTwins · 20/05/2014 18:59

I teach drama in a secondary school. We do a full school production every year and the parts go to the kids who best suit the roles. That's just the way it is. And yes, that does mean that last year's Killer Queen was this year's Cosette, but she was the best for the part. The other kids, thankfully, support it, at least, as far as I know. I've never had any flouncers or complaints. Often the kids in the chorus have a better time anyway - less pressure, but still all the attention. We do a lot of work as an ensemble and no one is treated as more important that any others.

One boy did confess to me recently that he'd cried when he didn't get a big part in the show when he was in yr7. He shook himself out of it though. He's yr 10 now and was Valjean in Les Mis this year.

OP, if I were you I'd tell DD that she's just as important. Being in the chorus does not mean that your role is no essential.

Loverofpeas · 20/05/2014 19:00

I'm with you. It's always the same in my DS's school

iK8 · 20/05/2014 19:03

It's total nonsense to suggest that every child can't have at least one line. This is a primary school production, not an opening at The Globe

EvilTwins · 20/05/2014 19:04

As long as there is a play with the correct number of lines/parts of course, or are the teachers required to write one? FFS.

queribus · 20/05/2014 19:08

It's a primary school production - some get to act/say lines, some sing in the chorus, some narrate etc. As you say iK8 it's not The Globe - it's really not that important!

Get over it. Move on. The day after it's all forgotten anyway!

JodieGarberJacob · 20/05/2014 19:09

We generally do. We put in extra lines or divvy up one character's lines between three or have two children for each of the main characters (swap halfway through or thereabouts). It depends on how many children audition.

LilacRoses · 20/05/2014 19:12

It's impossible to say whether you are BU or not. It sounds to me as if your dd is a great girl, very clever and hard working as well as good at drama and singing. How many main parts are there in this show anyway? I do agree that it should be possible for alot of children to have something to say or do but that does depend on the number of children in the year group. At my school that would be 14, at dd's school it is over 100!

It must be upsetting if the same children ALWAYS get the parts, I do understand your feeling sad about that but at the same time my own Dd is a good singer who also loves drama but she is pretty shy and there are kids at her school that are absolutely fantastic at it and super confident and so they do often get the parts.

It's never bothered me really but then I do feel that dd is recognised in lots of other ways and as a result she feels good about herself. It sounds to me as if your dd is also recognised as special in many ways too. Perhaps these other children don't have that opportunity and just excel in drama?

shebird · 20/05/2014 19:15

Even though it seems unfair to leave just few children without parts, I think your DD would miss out by not being part of her last primary school production. These productions are not just about speaking parts, it is the combined efforts of everyone backstage, props, sound & lighting, costumes that make it work. Your DD will benefit from the experience of being part of it and who knows if someone drops out or is ill she might just get a chance.