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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

to take my DD out of end of the year production in Y6???

363 replies

katmat3 · 20/05/2014 16:28

Please tell me because lately I am not thinking with clear head.
My DD is not chosen again for any part ( except singing and dancing with few other kids) . It's not the first time and maybe my pregnancy hormones are working but it's something that is happening all the time. I am aware as other few parents are that headmistress has certain kids that she always puts up as a frontrunners for everything ..But for everything all the time??? Really???I am talking about last 3 years.
Same kids,same main parts.I am gutted for my DD. I am not bragging but she is really good ,confident,very committed to her work or any given task but she just has bad luck.
This production is for Y6 mainly and she actually doesn't have any part.I signed the letter for her to give tomorrow that she will not participate (only one probably) but I can't let her always be in the corner while the SAME kids are always doing the parts...
AIBU???Please.
If I missed anything I will add....

OP posts:
queribus · 20/05/2014 17:30

How many children are in the year group? There are 90 children in my children's year - logistics dictates that not every one of them can have a speaking part.

You are understandably focussing on your DD but I think you need some perspective. Don't throw a tantrum because you haven't got your own way. The Yr6 production is fun, but it's not the be all and end all unless you make it so.

Your DD is upset but how much of that is because of your reaction?

steff13 · 20/05/2014 17:31

Are the parts assigned, or do the kids try out?

ChazsBrilliantAttitude · 20/05/2014 17:31

You know, deep down, that this really doesn't matter. In a couple of months your DD will be in a new school with lots of new opportunities. This may sting a bit now but it the long run it doesn't really matter.

HolidayCriminal · 20/05/2014 17:31

It should be your DD's choice.

FWIW, I found the yr6 end-of-yr production deathly dull & not the least bit emotional or sweet or whatever else nice we are supposed to like about it.

katmat3 · 20/05/2014 17:32

It's the last production of Y6 for parents-can't yu see why she is sad? How can I just shrug it on the side.They are leaving in few months.IMO everyone should have got the part or at least sentence...I didn't ask for the whole show...

OP posts:
DidoTheDodo · 20/05/2014 17:33

Or to extend my bemusement...
"Usain Bolt, you can't run in the 100 metres final because you keep WINNING and it's not fair"

teacherwith2kids · 20/05/2014 17:33

Are there auditions for the main parts?

In the school I work in, all children who are interested sign up for auditions - and these are singing, speaking, dancing and acting auditions because all those skills are needed.

Then the parts are allocated. there are a finite number of children who are really good at all ther things involved - and if there is a straight choice between 'the child who also gets picked for academic / sports competitions' and 'the one for whom the play is the only thing they excel in', then the latter will get the part - but only once overall ability in the part has been considered.

However, because it is an open audition process, although the casting is sometimes contentious, there is an evidence base to back it up.

If parts are allocated without auditions, that is a different matter. perhaps a better way to go if that is the case is to ask whether auditions could be held each year, so that the process was clear and more transparent for all.

If your DD was auditioned, and was allocated a singing part, that will almost certainly because other children were better than her on the day for the acting parts. There ARE many occasions in school when less able children are given tasks that others might be better at - but a high profile end of year play might not be that occasion!

Maryz · 20/05/2014 17:33

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

katmat3 · 20/05/2014 17:34

I just have to deal with it myself and let her go and get most of it.I need to toughen up a bit and be proud for her excellent academic achievement.
Thank you all for a lovely advices.

OP posts:
iK8 · 20/05/2014 17:36

Have you considered having a quiet word with the class teacher? Along ye lines of "X is a bit upset she's not got a part in the school play. I just wanted to check that's right as it's the last one before she leaves to go to secondary school".

No blame, no commenting on anyone else's child and a lot more productive than stewing on it or removing her in a fit of pique.

WilsonFrickett · 20/05/2014 17:37

I think teachers often see children in certain niches - the ones who can perform, the ones who are good at maths, the ones who are good at sports and yes, that can be tough if a child wants to change lanes.

The children who are in the play probably want a shot at the maths glory, for example...

But that's life. It's not particularly perfect and it isn't always fair. As parents, it's our job to teach the skills to deal with this. It's not our jobs to throw a shit fit and have an attack of the vapours, however...

Groovee · 20/05/2014 17:37

I think it would be quite sad to take her out of it. It's an emotional time them leaving primary. I'd speak to your daughter and go by what she wants.

adeucalione · 20/05/2014 17:39

It seems odd that your DD has never been chosen for a main role despite being good at drama.

Are you known to staff as a whiner, or is your DD a bit of a prima donna? Because that'd get your DD bumped to the chorus in any of the schools I've worked in.

harriet247 · 20/05/2014 17:42

Maybe you could make her costume extra extra special OP so she looks like the queen of all the extra singers Grin

pippop1 · 20/05/2014 17:44

It's not really that good for children to succeed at absolutely everything they do. However clever she is there will come a time when there will be others who do better, a hard lesson to learn if things have always come easy to her.

Try not to worry about it. I like Wilson Frickett's views.

sharonthewaspandthewineywall · 20/05/2014 17:45

YANBU to think its unfair but YABVU to be an arsehole to other posters who may not happen to agree with you!

LetsFaceTheMusicAndDance · 20/05/2014 17:46

OP you're very welcome. I really do hope it helps. As you can see, though, a lot of posters are offering similar advice and I would like to share the praise with them.

GoblinLittleOwl · 20/05/2014 17:50

The Year 6 production involves the whole year; it is a school event, rehearsed in school time, and she can't exclude herself from it simply because she didn't get a starring role; she has to learn to take part along with everyone else. I doubt very much if it has anything to do with the Headmistress; it is usually the year six teachers who produce it, and I can assure you, they would far rather be doing something else at this time in the school year. Regard it as character building for your daughter, and if she enjoys drama, enrol her in an out of school class away from class rivalries.

willowisp · 20/05/2014 17:51

Please don't take her out of the production Hmm it won't do her any favours & taking part is great fun.

Schools do choose the 'best' & yes, they have their favourites, so, either send a letter in stating you & DD are disappointed because of XYZ, or go in & have a chat with her teacher.

HTH

MsTwankeyToYou · 20/05/2014 17:55

katmat3 - Glad to see that you're feeling a bit better about this now Smile.

I've just popped back into the thread to add one thing that I forgot to put into my post: when I was in your DD's position, I actually had a lovely time. It was great to be part of something without having to be a "leading light" (and take on all of the pressure and scrutiny that goes with that). Because I had less responsibility and very little to memorise and rehearse, I got to enjoy the atmosphere, chat with my friends, and help out with scenery, costumes, make-up etc. It was a great learning experience - it taught me to be properly gracious about not coming first, in the sense that I was happy to "just" be involved and enjoyed taking a supporting role for a change.

My parents were supportive and didn't show any disappointment - if they had, I'd probably have felt differently about the whole thing, so you definitely have the power to make this a positive experience for your DD Smile.

flowery · 20/05/2014 17:56

Regardless of your feelings about it, you really can't teach your DD that it's ok to flounce and not take part in something because she doesn't get what she wants, even if it's not fair.

That approach will do her absolutely no favours at all at secondary school.

katmat3 · 20/05/2014 18:02

GoblinLittleOwl-Unfortunately it is HM who chooses Y6 pupils,it's always done that way for some reason.
She is not whiner neither I am.I never ever went to school to complain about anything --life is not always perfect but this time I feel different about it just because it's her last year.I am NOT asking for the main part or long part but surely one line?
pippop1 --things don't come easy to her,she is learning very hard and she is dedicated,not spoiled.
But someone mentioned that I am maybe whiner-MAYBE IF I AM knocking every day at HM office my DD would get parts?
Maybe I am not expressing in clear way why I am sad?
She will attend the play but I will speak to HM tomorrow.

OP posts:
manicinsomniac · 20/05/2014 18:04

You might not be being unreasonable.
From your side of the story it does seem unfair.

But I have to wonder if we are seeing the whole picture or if you are being subjective. Every time I cast a play (and I direct around 12 productions a year of varying different sizes) I can guarantee I will get at least one or two angry emails, phone calls or visits from parents who think their children should have a bigger part. Some of the comments are really soul destroying when you've spent the best part of a week auditioning and casting as carefully as you can.

I would think carefully before commenting. I also wouldn't pull her. She'll feel more left out than being in the chorus (which is very important btw!)

Teachers aren't perfect. I've made casting mistakes (suddenly noticing a child lights up the stage for example - always make a note to say so to the parents and say that I'll have to remember that for the next year) I've also made the mistake of assuming a clever child will cope well with a part had to deal with one of the most wooden performances I've ever seen.

The thing is parents seem to want one (or both!) of two things - a high quality production and a good part for all children. That is rarely possible.

When our children are in Y5, 6 and 7 I do smaller plays (3 plays per year group) for the express purpose of making sure that every child in the year says at least 5 lines. One set of those three plays always clashes with our huge school production which is very selective for the large parts (wouldn't turn anyone down for the choruses). The workload is huge.

Many parents are hugely appreciative and make it seem worthwhile but I have had comments along these lines that are really upsetting - feel like I can never win.
FROM THE SAME PARENT!:

  1. The main school production was fantastic and very high quality - but why does it have it have to be so selective? AND
  2. The Year 6 show was very mediocre.

seems crazy to me. I'll do both types inclusive and exclusive show but don't then moan at me about the standard of either being too good or too poor!!

katmat3 · 20/05/2014 18:04

I will not show my emotions and MsTwakeyToYou thank you and rest of you who can understand what I am sad about.Definitely all advices are welcome even the one I don't agree.
Thank you.

OP posts:
wintertimeisfun · 20/05/2014 18:19

OP your post made me smile as i feel the same although i wouldn't think to take dd out of show. she is also in year 6, also very good singer, always auditions for main parts & never gets them. Parts always go to one of 5 kids, none of which can sing as well as her however, it would be childish for me to actually take her out of show. she has cried a few times, not in a sulky tantrumy way but in a sad way which upsets me but i can't get involved in things like this. i look upon it as being 'life', you can't always get what you want! bloody annoying though Grin. dd has an audition this friday for her y6 leaving show but we both know the outcome.....

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