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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to take my DD out of end of the year production in Y6???

363 replies

katmat3 · 20/05/2014 16:28

Please tell me because lately I am not thinking with clear head.
My DD is not chosen again for any part ( except singing and dancing with few other kids) . It's not the first time and maybe my pregnancy hormones are working but it's something that is happening all the time. I am aware as other few parents are that headmistress has certain kids that she always puts up as a frontrunners for everything ..But for everything all the time??? Really???I am talking about last 3 years.
Same kids,same main parts.I am gutted for my DD. I am not bragging but she is really good ,confident,very committed to her work or any given task but she just has bad luck.
This production is for Y6 mainly and she actually doesn't have any part.I signed the letter for her to give tomorrow that she will not participate (only one probably) but I can't let her always be in the corner while the SAME kids are always doing the parts...
AIBU???Please.
If I missed anything I will add....

OP posts:
Original poster
katmat3 · 20/05/2014 21:32

FOR queribus:No it's not THE MOST IMPORTANT thing. From my understanding from your post,you don't have a problem your DC being put at the back from the age of 8-11 in primary school and same kids doing every production,church reading or any other important happenings in school.I NEVER EVER complained but if you followed my thread it really touched y heart.You are great to be strong as you are ,I wish I can be so cold about things but I can't .That's why I came here for advice and help,which I did receive.Thank you all one more time.

OP posts:
Original poster
katmat3 · 20/05/2014 21:39

For Queribus-It is NOT THE MOST IMPORTANT thing but as I said it is important.I NEVER complained ,since she was Y4 that she NEVER gets any parts +few same other kids,But this is really making me sad.
I wish I am like you-not caring if my child is sitting at the back,sometimes have to stand up sing few songs together with the rest of the cast and rock+clap on few songs.I wish I am like you cold and not caring.
But we are not all the same.It bothers me and that's why I came here for advice and help.I want to thank everyone who gave me advice...

OP posts:
Original poster
katmat3 · 20/05/2014 21:42

MummyoftwoyounggirlsI will let it goI need good sleep and rest and I have to learn to be less sensitive.You are right,it's just a play---she did so many other things that she makes me sooo proud.Sorry-my hormones .
Thank you

OP posts:
Smartiepants79 · 20/05/2014 21:43

I will just say one more thing.
If this is still bothering you and you honestly feel that other parents share your view then I would write to school.
Leave it til it's over but let them know that it has been noticed, it has caused upset to the children and can they perhaps be more aware next year to ensure that all get a fair turn.

MoonSong · 20/05/2014 21:45

I understood where you were coming from, Katman. Hope you manage a good night's sleep!

Original poster
katmat3 · 20/05/2014 21:46

Smartiepants-would you be kind to tell me do you think I should speak to the parents who always come to me about same problems like me? Or just to have a quiet word after everything is done?
I am sure next year or even every year there is another group of 5-6 kids who never get any part.

OP posts:
teacherwith2kids · 20/05/2014 21:46

katmat, from the 'outside', it would look as if DD has been passed over for the school play, as others are given the same chances to shine in the play each time (because that is the only time in the school year that they do).

She and I know that she has had many 'secret' ways to shine, and it would be unfair of her to have the limelight in this as well.

(And as DD's quite a serious dancer, ansd in the panto her role was to sing and dance, she would absolutely dispute that singing and dancing are 'being passed over'. They are other ways to shine - and she will probably spend MUCH more time on stage than children who come on, speak one line and walk off again)

Original poster
katmat3 · 20/05/2014 21:47

Thank you MoonSong-it's so hard to think with straight head when it comes to our children!!!

OP posts:
Original poster
katmat3 · 20/05/2014 21:49

Thank you for a lovely words everyone--teacherwith2kids-as I said earlier on-my haed knows but my heart feels sorry for her.

OP posts:
Original poster
katmat3 · 20/05/2014 21:50

haed=head

OP posts:
queribus · 20/05/2014 21:55

I have offered some advice in a reasonable manner.

However, to call me cold and uncaring is rude, disrespectful and plain wrong.

Good luck. You need it.

ElizaDolittle2 · 20/05/2014 21:59

Sorry but I do feel that you have lost a bit of perspective over this.

It comes across that you are bothered about this as it is a production in front of other parents, rather than your DD other achievements which haven't been in front of an audience.

LetsFaceTheMusicAndDance · 20/05/2014 22:01

Out of order with your comment about queribus OP well out of order.

Original poster
katmat3 · 20/05/2014 22:01

Sorry queribus-it was not needed to be rude from my side. Pls accept apology .It just you indicating that this production is more important then her achievements is wrong.
It is still important from the reasons I stated before.She is my child and it's natural that I want the best for her.But I listened all of you and She will take a part and I will be still proud of her.THANK YOU.

OP posts:
ElizaDolittle2 · 20/05/2014 22:01

I also agree with queribus that you calling them cold and uncaring is uncalled for.

Original poster
katmat3 · 20/05/2014 22:03

You are right LFTMAD -I shouldn't have said it and I apologised for it.

OP posts:
ElizaDolittle2 · 20/05/2014 22:03

X posts. I am glad that you have apologised.

Original poster
katmat3 · 20/05/2014 22:05

Not them I called queribus cold which I shouldn't have.

OP posts:
Petrasmumma · 20/05/2014 22:07

I'd speak to the head. There should be sufficient parts in a school production for all the Yr6s to have something other than chorus roles if they want them, otherwise the production choice is quite simply inappropriate for the group concerned. It's not fair; the school is letting children down and setting a poor example in the process.

Yes, if dd was gutted about it I'd not only remove her, but happily organise something amazing for her and any other sidelined children. I'd also raise it at the PTA meeting; as parents spend considerable effort teaching their children fairness from an early age, I imagine they'd be unimpressed with favouritism/prejudice from the staff.

ElizaDolittle2 · 20/05/2014 22:15

Petra that isn't always practical. My nieces school for example, have a 4 class intake with 30 plus in each class, so 120 ish children per year.

Any production would go on for hours if they were all to have equal parts

Original poster
katmat3 · 20/05/2014 22:17

My DD school Y6 is only one class of 30kids

OP posts:
TheOriginalSteamingNit · 20/05/2014 22:18

The last weeks of year 6 are lovely: don't let this spoil it. One of mine had a low key role in her production, one more high profile; both ended the show crying with their arms round their class mates singing the leavers song, and my memories of both have nothing to do with how much they had to do in the show.

I think you and dd really risk regretting it if you take her out over what sounds awfully close to plain peevishness, to be honest.

MitziKinsky · 20/05/2014 22:20

But op you gave already said your dd shines in other areas, and had represented the school in these.

When my ds was in the y6 production the best singers had the main parts, the children who played instruments did so, my ds was part of the chorus, and he sang his heart out. Everybody did their thing. A speaking part isn't everything. I think you should focus on teaching your dd everybody had a part to play, whether it be in a school production, a family or society and however minor that part may seem it is none the less vital. If all the children who didn't gave a staring role were pulled, there would be no show.

Original poster
katmat3 · 20/05/2014 22:20

What does it mean word peevishness TOSN? Thank you

OP posts:
nokidshere · 20/05/2014 22:22

It's the same in our school. Every time there is a performance the same children get the main parts over and over. Both of my children were always in the back row and neither had a speaking part. But that was fine because they were happy in the background.

But, as a childminder with all of my children in the same school, the children come home and say the same "why is it always xxxx getting the best parts". And they do notice from even yr1/2 and they know how unfair it always is!