To think 11 is old enough to do their own hair

[RosesandRugby]

My DD is 11. She has very very long hair, its down to her ankles so as you can imagine not easy to put up in a plait herself. We have just had a very loud long discussion about whether she should get it cut shorter (shoulder length perhaps) so that she can manage to style it herself as I feel at 11 years of age I should not be doing her hair for her. She disagrees and we have had total meltdown as a result.

I basically think at 11 she should be doing it herself.....shouldn't she ? She feels its ok for me to do it for her, what do the lovely chappies on mumsnet think? Should I stand my ground and insist she do it herself or get it cut shorter ? I really think at 11 I shouldn't even be having this discussion with her, she's old enough to know she should do it herself but I need reassurance I think that I'm doing the right thing and that I'm not being a mean unreasonable mother .

My dd has just done her first ever plait by herself. Told her how to do it, watched while she did it. I could not do it myself at her age and my hair was almost as long. She is so pleased! (So am I..)

Lovely

urgh what if she gets nits?

She has not had them since we start using Frontline. Anyway, most children will get nits unless you shave their heads. It's treating them appropriately that gets rid of them.

I know but most kids don't have ankle-length hair, they'd be a nightmare to get rid of surely.

My child does not - you are confusing me with the OP. Mine has calf-length hair. I'm afraid chemical warfare is really very effective.

She really needs a cut, its not a practical length, her not wanting to do her own hair proves that. It must be heavy too, and give her neck ache?
My daughter has hair to around her belly button, that is long enough for anybody.

Sorry ? Not sure I get your point Penguin. My daughter has entirely voluntarily, with no suggestion from me at all, requested that she try to plait her own hair today and from henceforward. She tried, she was successful. She has no neck ache, is very fond of her hair and it troubles nobody. Why is the tummy button a magic marker?

I think there's some hair envy going on here!

Oh did you name change lowclouds, cause I was referring to the op.

No Penguin - I didn't! I have commented all the way through the threads and even posted a pic of my dd's hair on my profile - but only for a brief time.

Plenty old enough, I'm surprised you're still doing it for her now.

I went to boarding school at 11 with v long hair and I wasn't alone. There was no question of someone else doing it for me and I braided it or put it up daily, no trouble. Those that go away to ballet school are no different. DD was the same.

If she can't cope with the length, trim it to a length she can deal with herself. There are plenty of anti tangle brushes, sprays and conditioners she can try.

I think calf length/ankle length hair would look a bit affected and wierd. Also goes to it just get in their nerves doing activities?

However each to their own.

By 14 they will probably want it dyed red and cropped anyway.

OP, she's 11. I assume her hair is ankle length because as the parent YOU have allowed it to get to that length, and you have styled it all this time. So it seems rather harsh to suddenly turn around and tell your daughter she needs to cut her hair and style it herself when you've been giving the opposit message for 11 years that all this is ok.

For practicality reasons I'd suggest cutting it to waist length as a compromise, and also because I'd imagine styling ankle length hair without the help of someone else to be too difficult for an 11 year old. That way she still has long hair but it will be a manageable length for her to style.

But as I said, I think it's harsh of you to do such a U-turn on an 11 year old, particularly in the way that you've issued an ultimatum rather than sitting down and having a calm conversation, like an adult.

I agree that you've made a rod for your own back here and life would have been easier if you'd just taken her for regular haircuts from a young age. I think ankle length hair sounds very restricting. OK for playing Rapunzel in the school play but otherwise annoying.
Life should be about more than washing and styling your hair.

I can't believe you use FRONTLINE on a child - do you actually know how that stuff works?

DameDiazepam - I never put it anywhere near the scalp. Just brush in a very small spray on the lower end of the hair every 2 months - that is sufficient (that is over a metre away from the scalp). Recommended by vet friends (with children) who are far better informed than I am on the mechanics of it.

How does FRONTLINE Plus kill fleas and ticks?
A. FRONTLINE Plus has 2 secret weapons: fipronil and (S)-methoprene. Once FRONTLINE Plus is applied, this combo stores itself in the oil glands in your pet's skin. It then self-distributes continuously for 1 month to your pet's hair and skin through the hair follicles. Fleas or ticks that come in contact with your pet are dead meat.

I wouldn't put anything that works by storing itself in oil glands near my child's head. My sister is a vet, she'd be horrified!

But that is on the skin - I do not put it on the skin or anywhere near the skin. It is essentially killing anything on the hair itself and is then washed out during regular washing.

I might add that my long-haired dd historically attracted no more nits than my very short-haired dd - the wet combing just took longer every day.

But if she can't cope and you won't help why the fuck not just chat about it and get it cut?

Sorry op but if these battles and conflict are around at 11 over such a silly problem then goodness how in earth are you both going to negotiate the teen years?

Mum/daughter relationship is supposed to be well fun and supportive.

Oh I don't know. Haven't read all the responses, but DD1 is 11, with fairly long hair (waist length). She brushes it herself, and puts it up (or more often doesn't) at the weekend, but it's difficult for her to achieve a neat ponytail for school so I do it. It takes about 30 seconds once she's brushed it.

I'm kind of assuming when she moves to secondary in Sept she'll wear it down and then the problem will disappear. Also I'm guessing in a couple of years she won't want me anywhere NEAR her hair....!

There's a world of difference between waist length and ankle length though.

There's a world of difference between waist length and ankle length though.

There's a world of difference between waist length and ankle length though.