To think 11 is old enough to do their own hair

[RosesandRugby]

My DD is 11. She has very very long hair, its down to her ankles so as you can imagine not easy to put up in a plait herself. We have just had a very loud long discussion about whether she should get it cut shorter (shoulder length perhaps) so that she can manage to style it herself as I feel at 11 years of age I should not be doing her hair for her. She disagrees and we have had total meltdown as a result.

I basically think at 11 she should be doing it herself.....shouldn't she ? She feels its ok for me to do it for her, what do the lovely chappies on mumsnet think? Should I stand my ground and insist she do it herself or get it cut shorter ? I really think at 11 I shouldn't even be having this discussion with her, she's old enough to know she should do it herself but I need reassurance I think that I'm doing the right thing and that I'm not being a mean unreasonable mother .

Frontline????????? On a child????????

Bloody hell.

How do you keep the ends from splitting?

There's just no need for hair that long, how do you keep the nits away?

Very reasonable to expect her to take care of her hair herself at 11.
Perfectly fair to give her the choice of looking after her hair or having it cut. Now it's up to her.

I can't see any staff member having either the time or the inclination to plait her hair on a school trip, when thy have lots of other children to see to. Plus, won't her friends think she is a bit babyish if she has to get the teacher to do her hair? It could put her in line for teasing, which you don't want when she's away from home.

I had long hair when younger and my mum was sad when I asked to chop it all off! She didn't stop me though.

I would stop helping her day to day. You have made your argument clear - she's getting older and should be able to do it herself. If she were to show some willingness to accept this responsibility, I would teach her how to do it and let her get on with it. She'll likely feel quite childish at camp where all the other girls are ok with their hair and she isn't.

Why have you NC'd OP?

oh no sorry that was another poster with a daughter with same hair length. Sorry :)

I used to have waist length hair when I had my DD. I got it cut and donated it to charity - would this appeal to her? I donated it to little princesses trust, I try and get everyone who is cutting their long hair to donate to them.
My mum was still doing certain things to my hair when I was in college! I just couldn't manage it myself but she only did things like up and down plaits (I could do a regular up and down but not a plaited one!). I think certain hairstyles are easier than others (obviously) so plaiting it and then putting it into a bun would have been really hard for me (and I suspect her!).
I would recommend her cutting it though. I didn't want to do mine but the thought of it going to a child who had lost their hair really appealed to me! They send a certificate too. She could always make it into an event, sponsors etc. the hairdresser cut mine for free because I was donating it - I'm sure she could get a lovely free / cheap style if she did!

I wouldn't have expected my DD to manage her own hair at that age but she was mixed race so her hair needed a lot of looking after.

It was an issue when she went on residential trips because staff would not help.

I would imagine ankle length hair needs a lot of looking after to keep it clean and tangle free.

I think it would be a job for an adult to keep that lot sorted out tbh.

I had knee-length hair at that age, which I could plait myself (start behind the head, then lift, then take it round the side). I would have been horrified if my mother had tried to make me get it cut to shoulder-length. Note I say 'tried' - she would not have succeeded.

I think waist-length might be a good compromise (it was what I did). Please don't get your daughter's hair cut short against her wishes.

Well the staff can't be expected to pamper her and do her ankle length hair every day when she is away.

At 11 a child should have a style they can more or less manage on their own most of the time.

What's wrong with waist length hair if she wants it superlong.

Well the staff can't be expected to pamper her and do her ankle length hair every day when she is away.

At 11 a child should have a style they can more or less manage on their own most of the time.

What's wrong with waist length hair if she wants it superlong.

I don't know how you've got to this point... What did you think when it was half a metre long? A metre? Are you saying you've been putting in these hours for years, and you haven't had any choice in the matter? Well, she's going to need to learn to be more independent, with going to secondary school, PE lessons, sleepovers, and just as part of growing up. Time to tell her to deal with it herself, and if that means she has to have it cut, then so be it.

I couldn't do mine when I was 11yrs and my mother said there was no time with a school bus so I had it cut.

Here's a link to The Little Princess Trust. I still think a compromise waist length cut is the way to go...

I think you are being a bit mean - are you jealous of her long hair considering you were forcibly held done for yours to be cut?
She will outgrow it soon enough - they grow up so quick - if you are patient and keep helping her for a while longer I expect she will ask to have it cut or learn to do it for her independence - my 13yo dd has fairly long hair and does it herself - I would love to sit and do it but she won't let me!

Ankle length hair is just ridiculous and yabu to let it get to that length.

Don't cut it shoulder length because after such long hair that would be very mean.

She needs a good cut though so take her and get it cut to a 'normal' length, like just above her bum and then practice with her so she can do it herself.

I still don't get why super long hair is seen to be more attractive than hair that is just long. The people I've seen with mega-long hair (ie longer than waist) just don't look right, it's mostly unflattering to the face, and unless you are blessed with truly beautiful hair (ie a strong colour, thick and wavy) it looks much better cut a bit shorter.

Nothing about this sounds positive.
It will be hot,give her a headache and it's unhygienic because you won't be able to wash it very often. It's also a bit odd to have hair that long.

There seems to be a fashion for very long hair atm, but ankle length is ridiculous, sorry but nobody needs hair that long.

Does it actually look nice? It sounds pretty witchy and unpleasant.

It sounds beautiful assuming it's in good condition.

No one needs hair any length tbh.

Ankle length hair would make an epic drug smuggling bun though

Does it not give her headaches?

OP, what did she say when you said the teachers wouldn't want to do her hair for her?

Do you think she's anxious about going to camp and it's about more than the hair? Seems odd that an 11 year old would want their teacher to be doing their hair.

It must be so heavy.

My hair is really long but no-where near that, I always notice a lightness when I have it cut.

Is your daughter not sort of a local celeb or something like this woman