To think 11 is old enough to do their own hair

[RosesandRugby]

My DD is 11. She has very very long hair, its down to her ankles so as you can imagine not easy to put up in a plait herself. We have just had a very loud long discussion about whether she should get it cut shorter (shoulder length perhaps) so that she can manage to style it herself as I feel at 11 years of age I should not be doing her hair for her. She disagrees and we have had total meltdown as a result.

I basically think at 11 she should be doing it herself.....shouldn't she ? She feels its ok for me to do it for her, what do the lovely chappies on mumsnet think? Should I stand my ground and insist she do it herself or get it cut shorter ? I really think at 11 I shouldn't even be having this discussion with her, she's old enough to know she should do it herself but I need reassurance I think that I'm doing the right thing and that I'm not being a mean unreasonable mother .

DD got her hair cut for the little princess trust a year and a half ago. She sat on hers and got sponsorship for the haircut and donated 17 inches of hair. Would she consider that?

It does seem a ridiculous length for hair. I can't imagine hair that length would be easy for anyone to look after alone never mind a child.

She has hair down to her ankles?

YANBU to insist its cut off.

I don't think it's bad that you do her hair for her at 11 though. I have thick, frizzy, difficult to manage hair, and I was older than 11 before my mum stopped doing it for me, although I was washing it alone by then.

I'm sure many girls with Afro hair will still have their Mum do it for them at that age.

Ankle length!?! how do you even get that much hair up into something that isn't the same size as her head?

The horse has well and truely bolted but maybe it would have been sensible to take her for regular cuts and not let it get that long in the first place considering you were upset by it as a child...

Do you go to the hairdressers much? She's getting to an age where kids start experimenting with their looks so take her along with you and use it as an opportunity to point out the styles she's missing out on and how impractical things like curling and dying would be with hair that length. I was only a couple of years older than her when I was let loose with the wash in wash out colours and there's no way I could have afforded a dozen packs to cover that much hair with my pocket money.

If she put it over her shoulder couldn't she plait it that way, it's easier than reaching behind. Or in two plaits, one each side then twisted back and secured in a band at the nape of her neck if she wants her hair to hang behind her.

She can plait it down the side like Elsa in frozen if it's waist length. Tell her cutting it will make it thicket and healthier but she doesn't need to go shoulder length. I think it's a bit of a drastic step to suddenly impose on her. Her hair is probably part of her identity, she's known it as long as you! She needs to be enabled to do it herself though. You're her parent. I think it's lazy to day cut it to shoulder so you can do it yourself.

Chop it or she will be tripping over it soon!

Hair that hasn't been cut for 11 years isn't necessarlly 11 years old, is it? Mostly it gradually falls out and gets replaced. That's why, for some people at least, it reaches a point when it doesn't really seem to get much longer no matter how much you grow it.

I too would love to see a picture of this fabulous sounding hair.

I would encourage her to have a waist-length cut and learn to do a side plait (I'm thinking Katniss may appeal more than Elsa to an 11 year old but maybe that's just my DD).

Donating it would be a very special thing to do too.

My 11 year old could manage her waist length hair by herself but I confess I'm a soft touch and usually brush and plait it for her on schooldays. Don't tell her but I actually quite enjoy doing it and I don't expect she'll let me for much longer...

I can't help feeling ankle length sounds a bit impractical and getting sponsored to cut it to waist length sounds like a good compromise and puts a positive spin on it. Are there any causes your daughter supports? Animal charities or anything?

Hang on

You just said you had long hair and couldn't manage it yourself And felt bad when it was cut against your will...
So why are you doing it your daughter

Personally I wouldn't have a problem helping brushingbit.and.putting up, I think I'd see it.as a nice bonding thing...

Yes most 11 can do their own hair but mostbdomt have that long lengthed. Hair

Please please post a picture! And then get it cut- it's wildly impractical and must be so hot and heavy!

My dd had waist legnth hair at the age- I helped her brush it out after she washed it, and then she could pretty much manage for herself unless she wanted one plait or a French plait or something- then I did it for her.

Roses - I have a 10yy dd with calf/almost ankle length hair. She can wash and brush it by herself but her arms are not long enough to plait it by herself. There will come a time when you wish you had that special time with her again - don't rush independence! Before long she will not want you anywhere near her or her hair, so I'd keep helping her for as long as she wants you to. And trust me, I know this job is a PITA!

I have nice memories of my mum doing my hair (until I was about 12 I think) but I did wash it myself. It should definitely be cut though, ankle length must be a bit of a nightmare to style.

Ive been looking through my photos and I don't have any with it down I will have to sort that I think.

She's adamant she isn't getting it cut so we will have to see what she does with it. She has 2 camps coming up (hence my discussion with her about it today). I have said that realistically she has until 1 week before the first camp to master doing her own hair as I'm pretty sure the staff will not be wanting to spend 20 mins a day plaiting her hair for her.

I don't think there's anything wrong with helping a child with her/his hair tbh. Presumably you've been helping her up until now, why the sudden change of heart? Do it on stages,a foot of each time do she gets used to it?

My ds is 13 and I blow dry his hair while be eats his corn flakes I won't be doing it forever so I'm making the most of being allowed to help

Roses - I have an idea so she can avoid doing her hair at all at camp - this has worked with mine. If you give her multiple plaits (with oodles of leave-in conditioner) e.g. about 20 small long plaits, you can then plait the plaits and end up with one much more manageable and shorter tail. It will take a few hours but is really effective. I will not cut my dc's hair until she is ready - it matters so much to her.

Ankle length is a bit too much, but DD1 has waist length hair, I still plait it for her and she's nearly 23!

DD2 also has long hair and I often blow dry and brush her hair for her too. I do enjoy playing with their hair though, so they ask me for my benefit as much as theirs.

Why don't you do her hair for her when she goes to camp (probably in a plait/s) and she leaves it done for the whole time, maybe wearing some kind of scarf/hat in bed?

Shudder, how do you combat head lice at that length?

Does it actually look nice? It sounds pretty witchy and unpleasant.

Surely it's not a question of leaving it or shoulder length? Mid torso or waist would work wouldn't it? Pull it round over one shoulder and plait it from there.

Am curious about the attachment to long hair, OP and LowCloudsForming, do your DDs equate length with prettiness?

Forgettable - Frontline
AWomb - no, very unwitchy. It is restrained most of the time so doesn't make her extra pretty, though it does look super pretty when released! I suppose she likes being different from her friends.

Frontline is animal flea spray!

And on that note I'm out.

Ankle length really? Is your dd in the Guinness book if records? If not I think you are exaggerating quite a bit.