To think 11 is old enough to do their own hair

[RosesandRugby]

My DD is 11. She has very very long hair, its down to her ankles so as you can imagine not easy to put up in a plait herself. We have just had a very loud long discussion about whether she should get it cut shorter (shoulder length perhaps) so that she can manage to style it herself as I feel at 11 years of age I should not be doing her hair for her. She disagrees and we have had total meltdown as a result.

I basically think at 11 she should be doing it herself.....shouldn't she ? She feels its ok for me to do it for her, what do the lovely chappies on mumsnet think? Should I stand my ground and insist she do it herself or get it cut shorter ? I really think at 11 I shouldn't even be having this discussion with her, she's old enough to know she should do it herself but I need reassurance I think that I'm doing the right thing and that I'm not being a mean unreasonable mother .

Ick. Hair that long, on child or adult, gives me the creeps.

I've never seen ankle length hair. Is your dd short? It's impossible to say whether she should be able to do it herself at 11 or 21 as nobody else has hair that long!

My dd (13) has waist length very thick, curly hair. She has combed it herself for many years but it's not easy, mainly because of the thickness and curls. She generally uses a tangle teezer or combs it layer by layer.

Get it cut. My hair was bum length and plaited when I was 11. My Mum got really fed-up of me moaning about the parting not being straight, the hair too tight, etc. when I was 12 and marched me down to the hairdressers...,.........who promptly cut off my plaits!

Yikes that's long!

My 9yr old had waist length hair just before Christmas and we had similar battles. I suggested getting it cut and donating it to the Little Princess Trust. It took a few weeks but after a few more battles she came around. We did a bit of fundraising too and DD even had her photo in the paper which she was really excited about! At her own choice she went for an above the shoulder bob, big difference! She adores it, so much quicker to wash, dry and brush.

OK - I've been doing some thinking and now I'm cross. To spend an hour a day doing one's daughter's hair may be excessive to some..but let me point this out; a child has very little choice over where they live, what they eat, where they go to school etc. If they choose to express their individuality through their appearance, then I applaud it. If they also require parental assistance to achieve this, then why not? In a few years our children will be mocking us, deriding our opinions and certainly not requiring help with their appearance. We should embrace their individuality, applaud their desire to achieve and support all their endeavours. So, I get up an hour earlier - so what? I love my little girl and if she needs me to be her hair slave for a few years, then she has my devotion. I'm tempted to post a photo of her extremely gorgeous locks here but that would miss the point - it's not about me or my opinion, it's about her.

If you want to spend an hour each day tending to your daughter's hair well then go for it. I think you're bonkers though. I'm all for children expressing their individuality, just couldn't be bothered with self expression that requires someone else to give up a chunk of their day.

Just post a photo of her hair plaited then!

I think super long hair like that woman had in the video is odd, it looks like a cape when it's loose round her shoulders.

A bra strap length is much more versatile: can be worn long and swishy; straight; wavy; curly; plaited; half up, half; ponytail; bun etc etc.

...half up, half down ... that should say.

I think an 11yo should be left to get on with it.

If she finds she cannot manage and is teased, then she will make her own decisions about what length she wants next and, more importantly, when she wants a change.

LowClouds: A sixteenth of your waking hours? That's a hell of a commitment to a child's physical appearance. I'm sure you talk, and bond and all that, but parents and children do that over all kinds of activities.

Brushing: paddle brush, divide into sections about 2in in diameter, from the crown with hair parted in middle, work through it section by section. It is hot and sweaty work and my hair is only bum length!

Plaiting: again try parting in the middle and using a beak clip to hold the lower sections still. She could feasibly do Heidi style plaits herself that way then perhaps tie them up leia/ medieval princess style?? Tbh I did not have the manual dexterity to plait until I was about 13 so that may be pushing it.

I don't think the same plait all week is a good idea, it will loosen around the head and be uncomfortable. Maybe invest in a heavy duty bun clip, if they can hold down my 3ft of thick, biracial hair they can certainly manage your daughter's assuming she has finer hair. A head wrap or scarf in the day would help if allowed. There are some very pretty ones and piling it on top of her head will take the weight off her neck.

Lowforming - do you really use animal flea treatment on your child's hair?

I've never forgiven my Mum for cutting mine off

I hope you have now that you are in that same position!

I find this seriously weird! I have never seen a child with hair longer than hip length; there is a year 7 girl with hair down to her bottom at school at present and tbh she looks very odd and gets funny looks from the other children all the time. I would get it cut to below her shoulder blades, as a start.

Her long hair sounds very impractical and she is going to have to have it cut at some point in order to manage it herself so what not now? You cannot be expected to be her personal hairdresser forever. Perhaps she likes the attention she gets because of it, maybe emphasise that there is more to her than her extraordinary long hair. Having it cut waist length would still look really long and it would be much more manageable.

When my dd who is 10 went away with the school, I put her hair in fairly tight plaits and she kept them in for the two days she was away. She doesn't have particularly long hair, and can tie it in a messy ponytail herself, but it's less likely to tangle in plaits.

Why not just do something similar for camp? Lots of 11 year old girls can't do much with their own hair.

I just find it a bit strange that mothers need to come up with these strategies to help their daughters cope with their hair when away from home.

What about a more practical haircut? Every 11 year old should be able to look after their own hair.

I am amazed that her hair is so long. I have never heard of anyone who has/had hair that long before.

Perhaps she would consider having it cut to waist length which is the norm around here with girls who have long hair and then she would be able to manage it herself?

I agree squoosh. DD has had her hair both long and short (it is currently nearly waist length) and has looked after it herself since she was about 6 and she hated me brushing it!

My dd had wild tangled curly hair which is hard to manage. It would be spectacular if it was long.

She's 10. I keep it at a length she can manage as I don't want her hair to be a burden to her. A responsibility that she has to manage. Nor do I want her to be defined by her hair.

Is it really down to her ankles?

sandthorn - when she is older and has left home, I shall not regret time spent with her, brushing, chatting, reading.
forgettable - and? Check the pharmacology, which I did. Many vet and human products are compatible. It never goes on the skin, just brushed on the lower end of the hair.
Photos - NEVER done this before but I have posted one on my profile - have no idea if you can click on my name and see the photo. Let me know!

I'm gonna go against the grain here and say I think a parent or older sibling should comb out hair once a day just to check for nits. It's so much easier to treat them when there's one or two than when there's a full on infestation.

I also think this is more important than ever once the hair is longer than 2 inches from the scalp (which brings a lot of naice middle-class boys into my daily nit check net!).

bochead - I have daily wet-combed my children's' hair for their entire lives and it takes ages. They are sent in with hair plaited, tied back etc. too, with every natural and chemical formula on the planet. It does not prevent them from going to school clean as a whistle and coming home having picked up a full sized critter from school.

DD has waist length hair. We started the "learn to brush it yourself"battle the Easter she was in Year 2. We are now 2 years later and she now plaits it herself for bed time and can do her own pony tails. You just have to ignore the whinges. DD was told she either calmed down and learned to do it herself or it would be cut to a more manageable length so the choice was hers. She made that choice at 7 so at 11 yours should be more than capable.