To think 11 is old enough to do their own hair

[RosesandRugby]

My DD is 11. She has very very long hair, its down to her ankles so as you can imagine not easy to put up in a plait herself. We have just had a very loud long discussion about whether she should get it cut shorter (shoulder length perhaps) so that she can manage to style it herself as I feel at 11 years of age I should not be doing her hair for her. She disagrees and we have had total meltdown as a result.

I basically think at 11 she should be doing it herself.....shouldn't she ? She feels its ok for me to do it for her, what do the lovely chappies on mumsnet think? Should I stand my ground and insist she do it herself or get it cut shorter ? I really think at 11 I shouldn't even be having this discussion with her, she's old enough to know she should do it herself but I need reassurance I think that I'm doing the right thing and that I'm not being a mean unreasonable mother .

Lowclouds - my point exactly! 11 is still an age where nits are doing the rounds unfortunately ergo she's too young to be expected to manage it herself properly. Whether the parent combs for an hour or just 5 minutes depends entirely on how long it takes to inspect that particular head properly.

Take away the evil bugs from the equation and I think most Caucasian 11 year old children can do their hair themselves. Trouble is nits are here to stay in many areas it seems .

(I'm in my forties with wire wool mixed race hair and STILL need the help of another adult to get it looking nice for smart occasions . In frustration I cut it short this winter and have regretted it ever since, as it's proving harder to manage short than it was shoulder length).

Nits don't like the cold - perhaps kids should wear ice packs to school! (clearly joking but grrrrrr)

she says her arms aren't long enough to plait it all the way down
Simple then. She can have her hair as long as she can plait.

Is your daughter 1'6"? That must be the only explanation

I think hair longer than waist length is grim. It must be dirty and get everywhere. No you can't expect teachers to sort out her minging hair.

I think it should be cut to waist length.

I am waiting for a photo.

Just makes me think of Cousin It

Barbie - I've posted a photo of my dc's hair to my profile.

Clouds that is amazingly beautiful hair!

I don't think you should cut against her will but I think you should try to persuade her to have it cut by suggesting charity options and perhaps a "hearts desire gift" as mine used to call it.

I just can't believe it can look really nice that long but obviously that it personal opinion. I think the Russian girls hair looks horrible and I think low clouds daughter's would look much nicer with a good cut.

....... and, what do you do for swimming!

Jinty - it is trimmed regularly. The photo was taken with it unbrushed - just pulled out of plait for the purposes of taking a quick pic for this. For swimming it is easily wound under a hat. Her hair is plaited for 99% of the time.

Elle - you are very kind!

NB - I cannot speak for the OP, but my dd does not have any pain from the weight of her hair. I have never weighed it - especially as we do not view it as a separate entity!

I'm all for kids being able to express their individuality, and I'm not a fan of school uniform, for example. If you want to spend all that time on it, that's up to you, but I do think it focusses unhealthy attention on appearance, the idea that looking like Rapunzel (no matter how inconvenient) is something to be striven for.

AWomb - her hair is not treated like a separate member of the family! And I don't think she aims to look like Rapunzel (for a start, she's short of a tower from which to lower said rope) - she is just interested in seeing how long it will grow.

I'm glad you've decided not to cut her hair esp against her will.

I don't think it's weird ether, unusual yes.. But we can't all be the same can we.

And your right.. You won't think it a wastes time when.she's older, I think it's a lovely bonding time.

Sounds a total nightmare. Ankles??

I did my own hair from 5. Just a ponytail or bunches. Not sure when
I started with plaits etc. Used a brush in one hand too. Would think she can do this but will just miss you doing it.

LowClouds, it's almost as big as another member of the family!

Heaven help her if she gets lice!
Maybe get her to try different hair on one of the hair styling site on line? So she can see what she'd look like with a style? www.taaz.com/

Roses - are you going to post a pic?

I think even the waist length will be difficult for her to maintain, she says her arms aren't long enough to plait it all the way down

I have quite longhair at the moment. I plait it as far as possible at the back, then bring the plait over one shoulder and carry on like that. Just take a few try's to get the switch of direction right so you keep the plait without a twist.

Tbh is it worth a battle? Give it a couple of years and she will be desperate to get down the hairdressers for the latest cut/colour/whatever. Is she at secondary yet? Cos I imagine she'll start to feel some peer pressure to get a more conventional bouffe when she is. Maybe try a stealth approach - cool hair/fashion mags, funky nail varnish, offer her pierced ears (assuming she wants them) as a trade off? Apologies if you hate all this stuff, just trying to channel my 11yo self.
Either way you don't want a showdown like you had with your mum. And while I imagine lots of 11yo do do their own hair, it's kind of nice that she wants you to do it still. Soon she won't let you near it, I promise :-)

Low I could sit on mine as a child. My first teenage rebellion was to have it cut off to about 3" all over. My poor dad was traumatised when I walked in the front door It refuses to grow that long now.

Mine never gave me headaches or neck pain, it just got to be irritating to wash and dry (my hair is very thick indeed!) and, to be fair to my parents, once they got over the shock they were fine with my choice. This was more than 20 years ago now, I'm not sure where my hair went, I wasn't aware of hair donation schemes - I'm sure they existed but before t'internet and in small town Cornwall I suspect it just got swept into a bin.

Have it trimmed and put into about 10 corn rows for the 'residential' season. It will cost a lot and you would best get this done at an Afro-Caribbean hairdressers and it will take some hours but the top will stay very neat, she might just need to spritz it a little in the morning and the lengths will be manageable, she could put it up or put it in a very long ponytail or plait the plaits. It will also be much safer if it's an activity style residential. It can also be washed with the corn rows in situ and no problems if it gets wet in the rain.

It will be hard for her to manage at secondary, with PE several times a week. Maybe you could begin a programme of slowly getting a few inches off each trim till it's a good compromise length. Mid thigh might be nice.

DD has waist length btw. Very fine hair but by golly there's lots of it so mats underneath are a big issue here.
I can't imagine her having some short punky edgy kind of style but wow it's a relief when she has corn rows and we can both have a rest from the actual physical hair-tending and the squabbling that comes with it!