To hate and loathe "buzz words" and want the users to receive penal punishment

[frizzcat]

You know the people I'm talking about, always talking about "blue sky thinking".
Or instead of saying they need to contact someone they say "oh I need to reach out to Jeffrey"

Then you have the people who just take it too far and start using bastard buzz words outside of work. A friend mine told me "you know Frizz you really should reach out to A N Other, they'd really love to hear from you".

IT'S TALK FFS - not "reach out" they're not falling off Everest.

So what's the most annoying bastard buzz words you've heard

My toxic twat of a BIL will text me occasionally about anything that might affect their inheritance family matters as I look after my elderly mothers affairs and also looked after dads till he passed away.
He uses the phrase 'keep us in the loop' or keep me in the loop' regularly , because he obviously wants to keep an eye on any money they might get. Neither he nor my sister have ever had any interest in the shitty end (literally ) of the stick and quite happily always left that end of things to me despite living very close by. But anything at all to do with wills/funerals/property etc guaranteed to get a text with this fecking phrase in it.
Would it be very wrong of me to suggest a noose as a loop next time he uses this.

@70isa

That's a Squeeze lyric..!?! Never heard it used in conversation though!!

Its a fashion one but "bang on trend" makes my disproportionally angry. In fact some of the lines on here are increasing my BP.

Struggling here to think of a punishment that wouldn't be penal.

I noticed that too. I also have a puerile tendency to associate the word 'penal' with 'penile'.

My boss is very lovely, but she has read too many management books, and does try to use these ridiculous phrases. Every time she tries to verbify a noun (see what I did there?) I just give her a hard stare.

Referring to things that will affect those who work 'at the coalface' always said by Senior management and never those actually at said imaginary coal face.

Yy to working offline, ugh.

I also hate 'expedite', used to work with someone who used it constantly.

Some have these have inspired me though, I am going to dazzle my boss when I get back from mat leave, he loves a bit of jargon.

'at the coal face' makes me laugh. Firstly, it seems to have appeared at the precise historical moment that the remnants of the UK coal industry closed down, so the only coalfaces that exist are now figurative ones. Secondly, it is used without a trace of irony to refer to workplaces like a call centre in Slough. Last time I checked badgering people to claim a refund on their PPI payments doesn't carry the risk of being buried alive, being gassed, flooded or coughing the lining of your own lungs up.

A section of our company held ‘an appreciative enquiry event’, a 'World Café', which was to be 'fun and interactive’. It finished with a 'Town Hall' meeting. In the formal summary sent out by email to the whole company, points 'harvested' from the event were divided into Post-it Notes and Tablecloth. I can't actually bring myself to read through them.

"X and I have had that conversation." What's wrong with talked about it?!!

My pet hates are

'suck it and see' - used with a straight face by former chief executive - conjured up all sorts of images which detracted from what he was trying to say......

'synergies' - law firms' management are awash with them, yuck!

'offerings' - have you noticed that we no longer have products, but 'offerings' - makes me think of religious offerings (ie the collections), burnt offerings, or pagan sacrifices

'behaviours' as opposed to 'behaviour' - another addition courtesy of our friends across the Atlantic.

It seems to me and to use another religious analogy - like the priests of old conduction mass in Latin, so the 'proles' couldn't understand it and be kept in their place. However, it is very amusing when people use it and don't quite get it right. Others I know amuse themselves by seeing how much of this 'commercial speak' they can introduce into a conversation, in an earnest and apparently sincere fashion - hilarious!

My sister put a post on her blog (strike number one) about she and I having to CURATE our mother's jewellery collection after she died.

She sources everything as well. Everything is artisan and documented with her posh camera and posted on her art blog.

I don't speak to her anymore. Although to be honest the fact that she's an immoral bitch might have more to do with that

Dolcelatte yy to 'offerings' along with 'solutions' Business now always provide solutions I notice it most on vans when I'm driving

"Bob the Builder - Wall and roof Solutions"
"Windy Miller - For all your milling solutions"
"Sweeny Todd - provider of shaving solutions"
"Fred Elliot's - Sausage and bacon solutions"

The big swinging dicks of the management team....aaaargh, just no!

Has anyone mentioned Life Hacks which seems to have replaced short cuts or tips or something? Even MN use it. Not workplace related but v much an internet buzz word

Ultimately, going-forward, cascading information through raised channels..
..
Diarised meetings-don't they plan meetings anymore then?
Connecting with colleagues
Sharing learnings
Reaching out

I could go on but all the above and similar raise my blood pressure on a daily basis!

What foes curate mean in management speak?
Yes ive noticed "our offer" being usef more and more

Recently I worked with some consultants and learned some interesting new management speak including "can I ask you and X to close the circle on that offline" (i.e. speak to each other about it later) and when talking about a bid we were writing "I think we're in danger of solutioneering here". Solutioneering! Brilliant.

Meal solutions. Till I saw that I never knew meals were a problem.

A Hack Space, means a community workshop or similar I believe.

For Stealth

People who want to 'drill down' into things can definitely piss off.

And 'up-skilling' people. No, it's called fucking TRAINING.

'Skills set' a.k.a. 'things I know how to do'.

'My door is always open' No it's not, it's always fucking closed and you look up and frown anytime anyone knocks and enters.

Oh and 'working off site' ie Working in a track suit in your front room

No, no, no, leave diarise out of this - it's not new!