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To think we are all ready to remove to Inter V at the Chalet School.

998 replies

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 14/05/2014 11:05

New thread for all the Chalet School fans!

OP posts:
DeWee · 29/05/2014 16:26

A straw Grin

alterego2 · 29/05/2014 17:10

Horrible indigestion!

I'm just reading the thread about the Duggars Here

I don't know why it reminded me of the Maynards …

Daisymasie · 29/05/2014 17:57

All was quiet in Leafy dormitory. Vi Lucy was lounging on her bed with a fag, while Barbara Chester tried to work out her ideal man from a magazine quiz. "As long as it's not a bloody doctor, I don't care" she muttered.

"Does my bum look big in this"? asked Clem Barass anxiously. The girls assured her that everyone's bum looked huge in their awful brown and flame coloured gym slips.
"Talking of big bums..." murmured Verity Ann as heavy footsteps were heard approaching the dormitory. Vi Lucy hastily put out her cigarette while Barbara shoved her magazine under the pillow. When Mary Lou entered they were all concentrating on their embroidery and mattress humping.

"I've decided to change my hairstyle" she announced. "I feel like creating a sensation and being the centre of attention at abendessen".

"Good idea" said Barbara, "a perm would really suit your face."

"A perm"? Mary Lou was horrified. "Do you think I'm some common little shop girl called Joan? No, I'm going to switch to one plait. That'll get everyone talking for weeks. By the way, what's that funny smell"?

"Oh nothing" said Vi Lucy hastily "I was er.... the gardener had a bonfire. It's probably his smoke you're smelling. I'll close the window."

"Close the window"? Mary Lou was horrified again. "It's only November. Why on earth would we want the window closed? Do you want to end up in the San with a weakened immune system and TB? And what would Matey say"?

"Aren't you due in Aunty Joey's for tea"? said Barbara, her eyes drifting longingly towards the magazine peeping out from under he pillow.

"Yes, better not be late" said Vi encouragingly.

"She's invited just me and the trips today" said Mary Lou smugly.
"She said she'd have the rest of you another weekend".

"Oh great" said Barbara insincerely "can't wait".
"Tell her no rush" said Vi, "I know she's a lot on her plate at the moment. After Christmas will be fine".

Just then Matey walked in. "Mary Lou, I thought you were due at Mrs Maynard's at four. Don't forget your muffler and give Joey my love".

"Yes matey". Mary Lou threw another smug look around the dorm and left.

"Thanks Matey" said Verity, we thought she'd never go.

"You're welcome" said Matron. "Vi, give me one of your fags. And for God sake, close that window. It's fucking freezing in here".

flugella · 29/05/2014 18:20

Absolutely bloody brilliant! I've joined the army of drink-splutterers!

DeWee · 29/05/2014 18:28
Grin
JuniperTisane · 29/05/2014 18:45

Grin Thats made my day!

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 29/05/2014 18:56

DaisyMae -'that is hilarious - you are inspired!

OP posts:
alterego2 · 29/05/2014 19:21

Kids just came in to see why I laughed so hard I set off a coughing fit. They didn't get the joke Sad My DD will clearly never be a Chalet girl.

Tricycletops · 29/05/2014 19:45

Daisymasie Grin My shrieks of laughter scared the cat away.

fairnotfair · 29/05/2014 19:45

DaisyMae - brilliant!!

fairnotfair · 29/05/2014 19:46

Daisymasie, I mean!

RueDeWakening · 29/05/2014 21:09

alterego you may laugh, in 2008 I had to have a lumbar puncture. You're not meant to sit up for an hour or two after it else you'll get a splitting headache. Hospital dinner arrived just as the doctors had left, and what was I served? Yup, soup.

A lady in the bed across from mine took pity on me and went to ask for a straw - she was having a proper rant at the nurses, that whole ward was one disaster after another tbh!

Daisymasie · 29/05/2014 21:43

Wow, we've nearly filled a second thread!

SelfRighteousPrissyPants · 29/05/2014 22:58

That's great Daisy Grin

SelectAUserName · 30/05/2014 09:02

Daisymasie that is brilliant - more please!

WilsonFrickett · 30/05/2014 09:40

Oooh Daisy you are a rebel... don't go near any precipices or spring streams at the weekend my lamb - the ghost of Joey will be angry with you Grin

Daisymasie · 30/05/2014 10:29

Joan Baker had perked up when she heard that the Prefects would be organising some entertainment for Saturday night. After a week in this place she could do with some male company and a chance to tart herself up a bit.

However, Mary Lou and her merry band of drips and gasped with horror when she emerged from her cubicle; drawing the attention of the form prefect who had ordered her down to the splashery to ‘wash that muck’ off her face and brush her hair properly. Then she had handed her a dress. “This will be more suitable than that thing you’ve got on. It used to belong to Betsy Lucey when she was at school here, but she left it behind. You’re about the same size. Put it on and follow us downstairs. And be quick”.

The dress was navy blue velvet with a cream lace collar. No wonder Betsy whatsit had left it behind. Well, no way was she going downstairs in that. She’d just have to settle for an early night with her mills and boon novel.

She changed into her pyjamas, and settled into bed with her book. She had just got to the bit where the nurse’s heart was beating faster as the hunky doctor took her in his manly arms when, wouldn’t you know it, in plodded Matron – looking even sourer than usual if that was possible.

After giving Joan a piece of her mind and ordering her out of bed and into her dress she turned to leave. Then she turned back and grabbed the Mills and Boon off the locker. “I’ll just ..er.. confiscate this rubbish. Not suitable at all” and off she went clutching the book to her bosom.

Joan marched furiously downstairs. She looked ridiculous and the thought of being seen like this by a load of hunky schoolboys was mortifying. She pushed open the door and realised she needn’t have worried. Everyone was in the middle of an exciting game of consequences and there wasn’t a male to be seen – just pupils, staff and a tall gangly looking woman Joan had never seen before, who was rushing excitedly around poking her nose into what everyone was doing and howling with laughter every five seconds. Obviously some social misfit from the village that the school had taken pity on, she decided, sitting down at the nearest table.

“You look so much nicer in that feminine frock” said Vi Lucey, “and your face is so much prettier when it’s not all hidden behind that common powder”. Joan was about to tell her to fuck off, but decided that was probably a hanging offence in this place, so she contented herself with a dirty look.

The head girl was now announcing that they had hidden a slipper belonging to each girl in a big box. Every girl had to find her own and then hop around the room without falling over. The village idiot nearly died with excitement and went galloping up to the box, laughing like a maniac.

“Who’s that”? Joan asked Vi Lucey.
“Oh that’s Aunty Joey” said Mary Lou “Well, Mrs Maynard to you”.

To Joan’s horror the misfit suddenly came cantering across the room, making directly for her.
“You must be the new girl” she said, smiling broadly “I’m Mrs Maynard. I expect you’ve heard loads and loads and loads about me and have been simply dying for me to ask you over for English tea so you can admire my babies and listen to a patronising lecture. Well, my lamb, Monday’s your lucky day. Mary Lou, you’re coming too. Half past fifteen, after last class”. And off she galloped to attack the box again, slippers flying randomly in the air, poor Miss Wilson almost being hit between the eyes by a pink fluffy mule.

Well she’d definitely be getting out of that, Joan decided. The woman was as mad as a box of frogs. And the less time she spent with that awful Mary Lou the better.

Thankfully the evening was soon over and they all sat down to a special supper. The food wasn’t bad here, Joan had to admit. Not as good as chips and cider behind the youth club wall with Nige and the gang, but still. She took a long drink of warm milk and began to feel very sleepy and a bit dizzy. Matron was watching her closely and seemed to be giving the thumbs up to someone.

Miss Annersley stood up and announced in shocked tones that it was nearly 22 o’clock and everyone was to go immediately to bed. The girls gasped in astonishment and ran quietly up the stairs. Joan still hadn’t got the hang of continental time but assumed, from all the shock and astonishment, that it must be about 2 or 3 in the morning. No wonder she was feeling totally knackered.

Up in the dorm the girls chattered excitedly as they got ready. Joan, however, felt as if someone had knocked her over the head. She really was feeling very strange. The room seemed to be going around and around.

She fell into bed and began to fall into a deep, deep sleep. Little did she know that when she awoke, the old Joan would be gone forever and a new chalet girl would be born.

Vintagejazz · 30/05/2014 12:07

Grin Daisy

DorisAllTheDay · 30/05/2014 12:14

Grin Grin Grin Grin Grin Grin Grin Grin

These are fab, Daisy.

DeWee · 30/05/2014 12:15
Grin The Revenge of the Demon Joey Headmistress Grin
PosyFossilsShoes · 30/05/2014 12:21

Brilliant Daisy Grin

EEasterChick · 30/05/2014 12:36

I luffs everyone who sent me transcripts. I have finished Redheads - it's barmy! Copper appears to take in her stride the fact that her father won't sit by her on the train or wave her goodbye, so the kidnap plot is a milk worthy shock. Then the kidnappers get the wrong girl and send her back, via a random stranger who thinks nothing of delivering an unconscious teenager. Then the baddies are SHOT through the HEAD and everyone thinks that means the danger is over Hmm and then Mr Big is stopped by a Maynard and a dog. Completely bonkers.

Vintagejazz · 30/05/2014 12:48

I luffs this thread. It reminds me why I stick with Mumsnet even when I get entangled on a snippy, bitchy, aggressive thread. We've managed to exhaust nearly two complete threads on the CS without any nastiness or put downs. Just lots of friendly chat from funny, imaginative and creative posters.

DeWee · 30/05/2014 12:53

You forgot the best bit of Redheads. That these international criminals who think nothing of kidnapping and drugging a child... not only return the child they kidnapped by accident, but they wish to avoid the total depravity... of her travelling without a valid ticket. Grin

Kidnapping: check: fine
Drugging: check: fine
Murder: check: fine
Travelling without a valid ticket.... oh heck, that really will make us hardened criminals. Grin

SelectAUserName · 30/05/2014 12:59

Love it Daisy Grin

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