to think there could be as many neglected children in childcare as there are elderly people in care homes?

[choplouey]

I have three preschool children and a 7 and 9 yr old. I've worked in nurseries on and off since leaving university and obviously have been to a wealth of parks, soft play areas, toddler groups, childrens centres and so on in my nine years as a parent.

Before I get slated - this is not an attack on working mums or childcarers. I recognise that there are many people who want/have to work and many fantastic childcarers. However...

While working in nurseries (I've worked in 12) I've seen children plonked down as soon as their parent leaves and left crying, fussed over for 5 mins so they're happy before they return, an untrue record kept of food and nappies for non-verbal children, children told to shut up, upset children ignored in corners for great lengths of time and so on.

Last week I went to soft play and there was a childminder there. She sat on her phone for the entire time, despite two of her mindees hitting/being hit/crying. Today I went to toddler group and a childminder was working with her sister. One child was around 18 months and wailed the entire time. One kept asking 'what's wrong with you?' every ten mins, the other just plonked her down with toys and told her to stop being stupid.

Another mindee was dropped off by her mum and the childminder was all over her tickling and chasing her while mum was there. Literally the minute she left the childminder sat down, the little girl started crying and the childminder ignored her. Her sister rolled her eyes and said to her 'it's no wonder your mum's don't want you if you're both such miserable little cows!' and they laughed

The children this morning looked so hopeless and helpless and I left feeling furious that the childminder will tell their parents what a lovely day they've had and so sick at the thought of how crap she treats them at home if it's that poorly in public.

Aibu to feel this way and sad for how many parents are given misinformation?

the issue isn't about something sinister happening at nursery or in a childminders home, if only it was as black and white as that

the issue is childcare attracting individuals who genuinely enjoy being with children all day, for a living and want to care for them in the same way they'd care for their own

as someone said above, there is a vast difference between a community based nursery in a village with the workers all knowing each other and the parents being involved, or a chain run for profit with impressive logo's and extortionate fees staffed by bored 20 year olds earning £6.50 and hour and working 9 hour days.

I've started a thread in the Nursery section about an idea that might help improve nurseries.

Here

If people think it's workable I'll send it off to a few places that might be interested in it.

The issue isnt an attack on WOHMs either.

Ridiculous.

To those parents who make things into a WOHM issue.

-if you think that you are being attacked by other posters on this issue, avoid those threads

• if you are judging yourself. Well that is an issue for you, and it shouldnt be seeping into your posts about quite frankly, tenuous threads

-if you feel that you are being judged in rl, well again, that shouldnt be seeping into on here.

Thanks TiggyD

Would it be something like TripAdvisor?

I had a look tiggyD x

Cross to the other thread and have a look. Don't want to derail the kind and helpful discussion on this thread.

Ssd- one poster did make it about whether something sinister had happened to my children at nursery though. She asked precisely that: that even though my teenagers are happy and well adjusted, how do I know something bad didn't happen to them. I was simply responding to that.

There was a lovely post upthread from someone explaining how their partner knew how his elderly mother was when she was in a care setting... How he knew her every mood, thought etc. I guess the poster who asked me would say the same to her... Even though her dp was totally confident in the care, how did he know awful things weren't happening to her

I know janey, but I wanted to say I hadn't seen anything sinister, or anything that made me want to go to the manager, but I seen a lot of care that was lacking, badly lacking.

That's a fair point and childcarers who give substandard care need to be routed out. And some of the nurseries described earlier in the thread where consistent bad practice went on should be shut down.

I only did that to get to the bottom of why you apparently keep posting on these types of threads.
Now it has become apparent it is because you think that it is a WOHM attack.

I presume there are some SAHMs who use nursuries too?

And even if all threads that talk about nursuries were attacks on WOHMs [how could they be frankly?], then it still doesnt mean that the issue should nt be talked about. That would be unsafe to all the children that use them.

Nope- I think the opposite- it's an issue for parents. And when it applies to elderly parents in care, it's an issue for children and other relatives.

The reason I post is because this is a public forum, not controlled by a self appointed thread policewoman!! and I care deeply about the entitlement for children to have the sort of quality childcare experience which my own children had. If their parents choose childcare, which is of course entirely up to them. Some parents never use it, some never even send their child to school because they don't feel comfortable with it. Which is their right.

Tbh if I held the extreme view that even with very happy and secure children, I would constantly be worrying that they might have had something sinister happen to them, then I would adjust our lives accordingly... Maybe I would feel I had to home school them or whatever. Though of course id then have the continual 'vigilance' issue of watching to ensure I wasn't hampering their development through my own neurosis.

We need to keep some perspective. Much more neglect and abuse happens in the home than anywhere else. That's not to brush it under the carpet when it happens elsewhere, but when we have as many threads started by people concerned about parents and extended family who might not be providing good care, then it would be easier to believe everyone was motivated by the desire to make all children's lives better, rather than trotting out the tired old threads which target parents who use one particular form of childcare

But this thread[cant really speak for others as I dont generally go on them] has nothing whatsoever to do with targeting.

Why should you feel targetted?

And if it is an issue for parents, then yippee, it should be talked about!
[with no defensiveness ideally] And still say that just becuase yours had a wonderful experience, has no bearing at all on the whole subject of where it is bad, or the subject in general.

Are you suggesting that children are better off in nursuries on the whole, rather than at home with their parents?

Eh?!

Tiggy- have posted on the other thread about your interesting idea