to think there could be as many neglected children in childcare as there are elderly people in care homes?

[choplouey]

I have three preschool children and a 7 and 9 yr old. I've worked in nurseries on and off since leaving university and obviously have been to a wealth of parks, soft play areas, toddler groups, childrens centres and so on in my nine years as a parent.

Before I get slated - this is not an attack on working mums or childcarers. I recognise that there are many people who want/have to work and many fantastic childcarers. However...

While working in nurseries (I've worked in 12) I've seen children plonked down as soon as their parent leaves and left crying, fussed over for 5 mins so they're happy before they return, an untrue record kept of food and nappies for non-verbal children, children told to shut up, upset children ignored in corners for great lengths of time and so on.

Last week I went to soft play and there was a childminder there. She sat on her phone for the entire time, despite two of her mindees hitting/being hit/crying. Today I went to toddler group and a childminder was working with her sister. One child was around 18 months and wailed the entire time. One kept asking 'what's wrong with you?' every ten mins, the other just plonked her down with toys and told her to stop being stupid.

Another mindee was dropped off by her mum and the childminder was all over her tickling and chasing her while mum was there. Literally the minute she left the childminder sat down, the little girl started crying and the childminder ignored her. Her sister rolled her eyes and said to her 'it's no wonder your mum's don't want you if you're both such miserable little cows!' and they laughed

The children this morning looked so hopeless and helpless and I left feeling furious that the childminder will tell their parents what a lovely day they've had and so sick at the thought of how crap she treats them at home if it's that poorly in public.

Aibu to feel this way and sad for how many parents are given misinformation?

But not all parents are like you janey68
Think of parents like in the soaps for example. Some of them are savvy, but many are not. Not their fault.

Sort of what Retropear is saying.

PS- and I would emphasise that yes it can be really hard to know why parents do what they do sometimes... Eg it was very important to us to use a childminder when I returned to work when my babies were 12 weeks old. They didn't start nursery until around 16 months. I personally didn't like idea of the little babies in the baby room at their nursery, it wasnt what id choose for mine BUT I always assumed that their parents had made choices which were right for them, rather than assuming that because it was a different choice to mine that it was wrong.

As an aside, we are still friendly with some of those families now our children are teenagers, and the ones who went to their nursery as tiny babies are just as happy and well adjusted as my two. They also have friends who never went to nursery or a cm as young children ... No difference there either.

I'm all for standards being as high as possible for every form of care for all types of vulnerable people, but there is definitely way too much of the 'I did this so everyone else who didn't must be wrong' on this thread.

Start with trusting the parents. It's only a very small minority who don't act in their child's interests, and I suspect for those parents, which nursery their children go to is probably be least of their problems

I think many parents aren't so fortunate and have to take the best of what is near with money and necessary convenience dictating.

Quite. And they have varying degrees of nous.
The UK is made up of all sorts of people.

Oh I agree, the World is made up of all sorts. But those of us who have used nurseries are perhaps best placed to comment on the ones we've used. I have to say it makes me smile when people suggest that money is a factor...day nurseries are among the most expensive form of care, probably trumped only by a nanny. If I wanted cheap, I'd have stopped working while mine were small

Obviously convenience is a factor in that you aren't going to drive 100 miles to find a nursery, but again, all the parents I know have looked at a range of provisions and often don't plump for the nearest

I am a huge advocate if nurseries, and as mentioned up thread I was lucky enough to have access to high quality convenient provision. However, I am always a bit surprised about the number of parents who choose nurseries purely based on convenience/location, rather than on quality of provision.

That said, I do broadly agree with Janey , and think there's an awful lot of scaremongering on this thread, much of which is linked to anti-WOHM sentiment.

janey. Do you think that actually the people that actually work in them know what goes on in them better than you do?
And by your own admission, your own children are teenagers, so you are currently very out of date.

scaremongering on this thread

You could say the same of people sharing their CB experiences...

Shall we all live under the illusion that every child care provider is a Mary Poppins who cannot wait to take our children out on glorious adventures, or Nanny Mchpee...delving into our lives and solving our problems.

We KNOW people with LD are abused, we know the elderly are abused, but we won't entertain the silly idea that that babies may be abused or pre schoolers.

No, thats silly, silly billy, after all, there are two posters who had a great experience as they keep telling us, over and over and over again, and I believe Janey like a fly to shit honey you are always on child care threads telling us how dreadful and naughty we are for pointing out the care might be lacking...we are naughty and we make Mummy feel bad...

poor souls...

I just don't think you can form a valid general opinion like that. Babies are all different. Some will thrive in nursery, some will thrive with a childminder, others will thrive at home. Plenty of babies have an amazing time going to nursery, just as many don't. You can't make sweeping statements to say that one form of childcare is inherently unsuitable for a whole age group of children.

but there is definitely way too much of the 'I did this so everyone else who didn't must be wrong' on this thread

I think this is your standard line you trot out on any Child care thread....

You flit between attacking parents who you assume are Sahms, and are attacking YOU, to attacking the brave people who are trying to shed some fucking light on what goes on behind closed doors.

I am amazed you can type with such a massive chip on your shoulder.

"I just think some of us would find it impossible to stay in a job where we felt so clearly uncomfortable with what was going on. And I'm not dismissing what you are saying about the logistical difficulties of changing jobs, whistle blowing etc, but at the end of the day, nursery work is among the lowest paid work ( wish it wasnt, but sadly it is) so it's hardly the case that people are stuck there because no other job would pay the rent.

I would say similar about certain other jobs... If a teacher felt so strongly that they would not want to send a child to the school they work in because of bad practice, then I would wonder why they are in that job- though I can see that it's harder to leave a higher paid professional role"

good grief janey, are you serious? have you seen the unemployment statistics recently? do you think people who work in care, be it nursing, care homes, nursery, even teaching, see something they dont like over and over but have to keep working to pay the bills? even the lowest paid workers have bills!!

am amazed at your ignorance, do you live in a bubble where there are lots of jobs and choices for everyone?

and then this one " there's an awful lot of scaremongering on this thread, much of which is linked to anti-WOHM sentiment."

yes that's right, women who have spent years working in childcare talking about their experiences are only doing it out of spite, not because we know things need to be improved out there

I give up, but can guarantee there will be an expose about this sometime in the future, just like what's happening in carehomes now

but at the end of the day, nursery work is among the lowest paid work ( wish it wasnt, but sadly it is) so it's hardly the case that people are stuck there because no other job would pay the rent

Janey, you make sweeping statements of utter tripe, you talk tripe, apparently according to you, no one with a relative with LD can understand them or what they need so if they are in care, then yes according to you, they will be cut off from well meaning relatives ( god forbid their parents have died) ...only teachers wouldn't be able to leave jobs...You know better than any nursery worker on site, about whats going on behind closed doors...

janey you must be incredible so your babies bottom was wiped with blue wipe to cut costs...you could sense that I suppose....as well as cutting down on nappy changes to save money....( while your paying through the nose as you keep banging on about the cost to you) but YOU would have sensed this from looking at babies bottom, baby was hungry because they rigorously monitor portion sizes, again you would know this, baby was sat crying and neglected all day and was deliberately jollied up before home time, and YOU again could just......sense this...

Thinking about it - wow maybe this is why your so blinkered,....because you dont understand that we all do not have your special gifts and they are very special gifts, hold my hand up, I wouldnt know if all that was going on behind closed doors...

I give up, but can guarantee there will be an expose about this sometime in the future, just like what's happening in carehomes now

Don't give up ssd dont let one or two utterly bonkers posters shut you down or upset you.

Janey is known on these threads, far worse has been revealed than on here in the past and yet good old janey trots along to shout people down, call them nasty...etc etc etc.

I agree there is going to be a huge expose, and I hope people have the courage in spite of people like Janey ( who for all we know OWNS A BIG CHAIN OF NURSERIES WHY ELSE THE CONSTANT INSTEREST IN THESE THREADS ON MUMNSET??????)

to speak out.

When I mention scaremongering it was in relation to emotive comparisons of eastern European orphans staring longingly out at the real world, not in relation to the posters who have given factual descriptions as a worker in a nursery.

Pmsl born free

Keep hoping bornfree. Keep your fingers crossed that the children who've attended nurseries are going to be messed up, unhappy and emotionally stunted. I'm afraid the reality might be a disappointment... They might be just as happy and emotionally well adjusted as your children. Fancy that

Keep your fingers crossed that the children who've attended nurseries are going to be messed up, unhappy and emotionally stunted. What an absolutely twisted and unpleasant thing to say. You think she wants children to be damaged because it will prove her right?

Who needs to make a personal attack on you when you're doing it yourself.

... And who started the personal attacks?

I think some people forget that many of us have adult or teenage children who went to nursery. We know our children are fine. Just as they would have been if they hadnt been to nursery

janey. Do you think that deep down you are worried that something may have happened to your children while you were at work?

And who started the personal attacks?

YOU janey! you come every thread about child care and you are vicious and nasty about the people who are saying what they have seen at work.

You are determined to twist everything anyone has ever said into an attack on mothers who put their children into childcare and you are determined to derail every thread on it.

kins this is what is coming across to me, something isnt right.

There are good and bad childminders and nurseries. Don't tar every setting with the same brush.
I've been a nursery nurse and nursery manager and am now a childminder. I've seen unprofessional staff and shocking childminders.

I have to say though that childminding is not an easy option! I have 16 years experience in early years. I have a degree in early years and am currently graded outstanding as a childminder. I charge £3 per hour and spend my own time doing the necessary paperwork to keep up with the EYFS. My home is over run with resources and my husband spends his days off in his bedroom so I can provide care and activities for the children I look after!