Oooooo she's very pretty - fuck off

[Putthenerfdown]

NC for this and in no way a stealth boast.

AIBU to be sick of hearing this about myself.

Met DPs family for the first time. We went for dinner and I was polite, we had an interesting discussion about the elections, I talked to his mum about books, we had a good time. I sent a nice text the next day thanking them for paying for the meal.

DP spoke to them today. I asked him if they had a good time "yes they enjoyed it, they said how pretty you are". Um ok...anything else "no just that your pretty oh and my DM thinks your very slim"

Which is lovely. Unless your bored of bring pretty or having a nice figure. And yes I TOTALLY know how this reads (like I'm a conceited bitch). But I've heard this for years and just once it would be nice to be funny or clever or kind or interesting and not yes she's got good genes.

AIBU and should shut up or not? DP doesn't see the problem "but you are pretty" was his reply.

Yes what I meant was that models are very tall and often very tiny with a high fashion face. Which is unusual.

But op's post was originally about her dp's parents, who she has met once - her reaction to them is unreasonable.

If she had instead posted about her upbringing, which was strongly focused on looks then the responses would probably be different.

OP's post was about her DP's parents, whom she has met once who had the nerve to call her pretty and not blisteringly intelligent despite her best efforts to convince them so, and that they should fuck off because of it

And that is why she got the responses

Yes, but she responded that way because it was one reaction in a long line of similar reactions.

If they were the first people to respond that way to her, obviously she would be unreasonable! That's not what she's saying.

It's ok for her to feel fucked off that people reduce her to her looks.

Well, she has made a judgement about her boyfriends parents after one meeting. So, there you go. Pot, kettle and all that jazz. And I wonder if they are ranting somewhere and wishing she "fucks off".

But.....

To me this is a feminist issue.

She has had a lifetime of feeling valued solely for her looks. She doesn't like it. Understandably.

She didn't tell then to fuck off - she's expressing her frustration here. And I think it's ok for her to do so.

She has family history with this. It's an issue for her.

Agree - it is absolutely a feminist issue

OP, yes, it is a bit shit to be judged on your looks, but I'm afraid that until you can master the difference between 'your' and 'you're', you might have to work a bit harder to convince us of your intelligence.

Oh dear God SSS - don't be a pompous arse

Not pompous at all, but if she wishes to be judged on her intelligence rather than her looks then I'm happy to judge

I don't think it's a feminist issue. It's op's issue. She's a woman but that doesn't make automatically make her issue a feminist one.

I can count on one hand and have fingers to spare how many times I've felt a man or indeed woman has displayed sexist/handmaiden of the patriarchy style behaviours.

Men are objectified as well, often and without much negative comment at all from men or women. I appreciate less so historically.

@ SSS

I can't be the only one who is sick and tired of being fed the line that a woman should be grateful for any compliment given on her appearance, as she will one day be past it.

Obviously, that's really a really logical line of reasoning.

Implicit is the notion that a woman should be grateful for a compliment on her appearance, and should not complain about it.

Eh? Too many shoulds, methinks. Is it explicit or implicit?

Wow. It's sad how much hate the op is getting.

Hate ? Give over.

I think implicit is correct because the notion is implied, but not made explicit?
Probably wrong though.

DH is always telling me this (who has commented on my looks and what they have said), as it seems to be important to him. I like the compliments, they're a confidence boost, rightly or wrongly. But I also say I wish he'd stop harping on about it, as it's quite shallow.

Pretty is as pretty does.

Difficult one. OP, did you make any effort to be 'pretty' that evening? Or did you on the minimum to look well groomed? Interested to see how you present yourself to the world, not being nasty or anything.

As somebody never told I was pretty, I too enjoy this compliment, the rare time I get it, and try to look pretty each day by wearing make up. I do try to teach Dds that prettiness is just skin deep and we talk about film/ book characters who are pretty but not nice people. A bit messed up really.

Prompted by this thread, I put on a full face of slap AND straightened my hair today, then added clothes that go together properly, with heels ... for the first time in ten years. (It took an hour; fuck that for a use of my limited energy.) Guess what the lady in the shop said? "Ooh, you look pretty!" At 60 years old. Haha.

I reckon this adds to the evidence that women are rewarded with compliments for expending plenty of time, effort & money on performing femininity to required standards. And that we're expected to be thrilled by compliments on our performed appearance. I know about 65% of this thread will disagree with me, but I will probably keep saying this in various ways. It's a feminist issue.

YANBU but they only just met you so your looks would have made the biggest impression on them. It would be odd if they kept harping on about it months after getting to know you and didn't have any interest in other aspects of you. Also, is it possible that your partner concentrates too much in your looks and so each compliment he get from others about them he sees as a validation of his choice of woman? Maybe he just doesn't notice theother nice things they might have to say about you.

OP: Stop making yourself pretty then.
How much time do you spend on nails, hair, face.
Have you tried never wearing makeup?
How long do you spend buying clothes that look good.
You can't have it both ways.
If women wear makeup to improve their appearance and wear clothes that flatter their figures, then yes, they may be called pretty.

That is why Nuns don't wear makeup, often don't have their hair on show and wear clothes to cover their shape.

You may get annoyed when you are an OAP and people comment that you must have been pretty when younger.

paxtecum I suggested the same (as your first para) upthread but this is apparently Not On.