Oooooo she's very pretty - fuck off

[Putthenerfdown]

NC for this and in no way a stealth boast.

AIBU to be sick of hearing this about myself.

Met DPs family for the first time. We went for dinner and I was polite, we had an interesting discussion about the elections, I talked to his mum about books, we had a good time. I sent a nice text the next day thanking them for paying for the meal.

DP spoke to them today. I asked him if they had a good time "yes they enjoyed it, they said how pretty you are". Um ok...anything else "no just that your pretty oh and my DM thinks your very slim"

Which is lovely. Unless your bored of bring pretty or having a nice figure. And yes I TOTALLY know how this reads (like I'm a conceited bitch). But I've heard this for years and just once it would be nice to be funny or clever or kind or interesting and not yes she's got good genes.

AIBU and should shut up or not? DP doesn't see the problem "but you are pretty" was his reply.

I don't think it's necessarily the OP's fault that others don't seem to notice her other attributes, as some are saying.

I don't think it's fair to insinuate that the OP is lacking in some way. To me, it just seems far more likely that this is the way our society is: good looking people are highly valued (especially women).

I have a friend who is very classically beautiful. She is also intelligent, interesting, well-educated, hilariously funny, and very generous. But when people first meet her, they invariably comment on her looks before anything else. Because she's physically striking. That's just the way it is.

A promotion is an achievement. Not an attribute. But it's a relative achievement, not an absolute one. Having 3 lovely intelligent kids might I suppose be described as an attribute. If you completely ignore their own agency.

My 3 kids are also, I believe (and empirical evidence suggests) intelligent and lovely. I don't take the credit for that.

I'm taking credit for my three intelligent children

I've got fuckall else to take credit for!!!!

Spero - such high minded stuff occupying your thoughts yet you have plenty of time and inclination to make this poor woman's day a little worse with your mean spirited insinuations.

Snort!

TBH, I've never seen someone 'very pretty' who didn't make quite a bit of effort. Perhaps you should start wearing baggy old sweats, give up make up and don't do your hair every day. If it really bothers you that much. We need to see a pic to judge btw. Perhaps we could give you some makeunder tips?

She shouldn't have to make herself less beautiful.

It's ok to hope to be valued for something other than looks.

Haha, Spero, that kind of disagreement I can live with! You've basically said I'm funny, intelligent, and ex-pretty Cheers!

I can't quite blv you took the time to actually a. be offended by such an innocuous comment and b. write a post about it! My looks are often commented on in a positive way but you know what, just writing that down makes me feel like a knob, and I'm sure it makes me come across like one too. Find something else way more important to be offended about, seriously. And if it's any consolation, your looks will fade one day and then you can find some other trivial subject to stress over

God op you do sound hard done by, being genetically gifted as you are.

I've never struggled with people only ever commenting on my looks (I am by no means unattractive, if I go by popular opinion), so it you're being judged on your looks alone maybe you need to reconsider you sparking personalitely and acerbic wit?

People are missing the point, spectacularly.

Being reduced to how you look is disappointing and frustrating, whether it's because of beauty, or the lack of it.

I think there are loads of beautiful people around, personally. True that very few people look like models though.

I think lots of models and so called beautiful women are quite ordinary looking in everyday life.
But then I also think lots of girls and women I know and also see around are just as lovely as any model.

The look models portray isn't real though is it, no one looks like they do all the time and some of them are quite odd looking, quirky, I like that.

My favourite ever comment on my looks was at the end of a 21st birthday meal for a friend, after chatting all evening to his ageing godfather (a bit of a lothario) I stood up. I had been sitting when he arrived.

When I stood up, he said, in a very loud voice, "Jesus Christ, you're enormous"

I am often told I am tall, as if I hadn't noticed. But, I don't mind, because people are not perfect. They get to know me. I have friends of all sizes and shapes. They soon see ME. To start with, however, I am just tall.

Atrocious

It is human nature to judge on appearance upon first meetings. Regardless of gender.

True.

But to be valued for that over other achievements must be frustrating.

Ah, even those of us with extremely lofty minds need some base entertainment some of the time.

And I am not playing a teeny tiny violin for someone who has come on this board with such a provocative title.

Adding to her misery?

Snorts right back atcha.

Never mind OP gravity always wins ... Just bide your time and it'll all go south soon enough then your wit and personality will shine on through ...

I don't know anyone in real life who is valued purely on their looks Atrocious and god I know a few people so good looking that on first meeting it tilts you a bit, to the "so pretty" is the only clear thought.

Op is creating about what people she doesn't know and who don't know her have said on first meeting. If she had been with her dp years and all they had to comment on was her looks then I'd understand the complaint, but this is after first meeting.

OP needs to chill out.

I cab't think of anyone in RL for whom this an issue either - not since my teens anyway. If you are in your 30s/40s and still feel you are not being taken seriously because you are pretty - well there is something else going on imho.

Well, it seems to me that from the OP's posts it's clear that her mother over values her looks, neglecting her other strengths.

That early over-identification can mean that she perhaps had a childhood where she felt her looks were all that the people she loved valued.

And any continuation of that perhaps makes her feel demeaned slightly.

And anyway, whether or not that is true - the OP is telling us she gets this too much and it bothers her.

That's ok isn't it? To only have one's looks valued must be depressing after a while.

Yep, just what I was thinking, AC. I also think it's true that a lot of people don't bother to see past good looks: it's almost as if they forget there's a person inside. A heck of a lot of people assume good-looking people are thick & shallow, too, meaning that if you want to form any sort of relationship with them, you have to trowel on the 'smart & deep' ... unfair, and half of them will ignore your efforts anyway.

Beauty is an advantage in loads of ways. But it also prompts unwarranted hostility.

Maybe you should see a stylist for a make under?

Or just give it time. In time you won't have this problem.