Oooooo she's very pretty - fuck off

[Putthenerfdown]

NC for this and in no way a stealth boast.

AIBU to be sick of hearing this about myself.

Met DPs family for the first time. We went for dinner and I was polite, we had an interesting discussion about the elections, I talked to his mum about books, we had a good time. I sent a nice text the next day thanking them for paying for the meal.

DP spoke to them today. I asked him if they had a good time "yes they enjoyed it, they said how pretty you are". Um ok...anything else "no just that your pretty oh and my DM thinks your very slim"

Which is lovely. Unless your bored of bring pretty or having a nice figure. And yes I TOTALLY know how this reads (like I'm a conceited bitch). But I've heard this for years and just once it would be nice to be funny or clever or kind or interesting and not yes she's got good genes.

AIBU and should shut up or not? DP doesn't see the problem "but you are pretty" was his reply.

[Aeroflotgirl]

Yabvvvvu what lovely compliments, your lucky compared to some of tge awful MIL on here!

[DebbieOfMaddox]

I met DH's grandmother for the first time and her verdict was apparently "She's a nice girl, but she doesn't have your looks." Sigh.

His other grandmother I only met once and she spent the whole time calling me by a man's name. I'm not sure she ever ventured an opinion about me...

[jacks365]

DS is always fast, strong, funny. DDs are always pretty, cute etc

Maybe you only notice comments which focus on looks because you focus on female looks.

[FaFoutis]

YANBU at all.

[FourForksAche]

why is it unreasonable not to want to be described as an ornament?

why is it unreasonable to hope that people you've just spent time with might come away with a bit more than a superficial impression?

[IHeartKingThistle]

Oh FFS, some of these replies! If you had come on here feeling aggrieved at being judged for being overweight, you would be getting wall to wall sympathy. But essentially, it is the same complaint - why looks first?

[scarletforya]

I'm sorry. I'm struggling to have sympathy. I'm ugly and I'd love to have that complaint.

My Dd is pretty and I'm relieved for her that she won't have to bear all the angst that his along with being unattractive.

[DebbieOfMaddox]

OP, maybe they didn't like your personality or intellect, but felt they had to say something nice...

I do see why this bothers you, although [see GIL's comments passim ] I can't identify from my own experience. It's a how-society-sees-women issue rather than being about you specifically, though.

[lylasmam2012]

My MIL said this the first time she met me, well actually she said "Oh DHname she's so beautiful". That was her first impression of me. Didn't annoy me in the slightest, actually endeared her to me. She now knows how brilliant I am, and notices that more especially now I'm getting older and spottier!

[Daisymasie]

Just because they comment on your looks doesn't mean they don't think you're intelligent or interesting.

I mean, if they had said 'oh yes, she seems a very clever girl' would you immediately get offended that they obviously didn't think you were good looking?

[Only1scoop]

Miss Brick....

Go eat some pie
Mess up you hair

And report back

[BitterAndOnlySlightlyTwisted]

Poor parents, they've only met you just the once. What did you expect their observations to be? Interesting (code for rather plain)? Erudite (not wearing your education lightly)?

If anyone's first thoughts about me was that I was pretty and slim I'd be bloody overjoyed.

[ifyourehoppyandyouknowit]

It's not nice to constant be judged on your appearance. YANBUw.

[C4ro]

jacks365 - I noted that too...
-Moans about being treated only as a pretty-face.
-Turns right round and only compliments GIRL child on it's pretty-face after mentioning 3 separate non-pretty-face compliments for BOY child.

Hilarious! Was that an intentional irony fail? Is this one of those Friday threads running early?

[Lovecat]

It's interesting. I was never told I was pretty or good looking when I was a child - in fact my mother used to infer I was downright ugly - so it meant I grew up disbelieving anyone who told me I was good looking and always felt like an utter fraud when paid a compliment. I still don't think I'm all that, to be honest...

Consequently I do tell my DD that she's pretty/gorgeous/beautiful because I don't want her to grow up feeling as wretched as I did when I was younger. I also praise her (more) for her achievements, of course, but I won't not tell her she's pretty, if that makes sense? If I had a son I would also tell him he was gorgeous.

Yes, we do place too much emphasis on looks in our society and I can see why you'd be miffed if you're being written off as 'just' a pretty face, but I think there's some middle ground to be found here.

[TinklyLittleLaugh]

I was putting make up on Saturday night and asked DS, who was watching me, if he could give me a bit of space so I could make myself look pretty.

He said "But I don't want you to look pretty Mum, I want you to look like you normally do.

Seriously OP, my teenage daughters are kind of chocolate box, Natassia Kinski, pretty and they get this all the time. DD2's music teacher once paused in the middle of a lesson and said "Little Tinkly you have the most beautiful skin I have ever seen on a 14 year old girl". Try living that one down to your classmates.

DD1 has noticed it with boyfriend's parents, (she tends to go for quirky rather than handsome lads,) they seem to think their boy has won a prize or something.

I am sure it can get quite tedious.

[Standinginline]

Ah poor you ;)

[AtrociousCircumstance]

YANBU. It must be really tiresome to be judged primarily in a superficial way.

You won't get much sympathy on here because beauty is an advantage. It's kind of like a very rich heiress frustrated with trying to discern who truly likes her and who's a freeloader.

A real issue but one that comes with great privilege.

However it sounds like you've had a lifetime of being praised for your looks over your other qualities and are understandably sick of it.

[FreudiansSlipper]

I would have rather been told growing up how clever I was I might have believed in myself more but no being pretty was enough being clever was secondary after all I am only a girl what does intelligence achieve

[noseymcposey]

Although YANBU for thinking this it is a little hard to have any sympathy ...! Complaining about being complimented for the wrong thing sounds a little high maintenance :)

[Daisymasie]

Seriously Tinkly. That sounds a very strange thing for a teacher to say in the middle of a class.

[IHeartKingThistle]

Jacks and C4, I'm pretty sure OP was talking about what OTHER PEOPLE say about her children.

[JingletsJangletsYellowBanglets]

I had a colleague who went out of her way to chose very unique and interesting glasses from a very expensive boutique. They looked great on her and were always quirky and sophisticated. Day one of new pair of glasses, and receiving lots of compliments, I overhear her moaning to a friend ... Why can't people ever notice anything other than my glasses? No one ever compliments me on my hair or my eyes.

[pinkyredrose]

YANBU you are more than your looks. I hate the presumption that women all want to be complimented on thier looks. I hate that society is so focused on womens appearance in a way that it isn't with men.

[ShatnersBassoon]

They'll learn about your personality before long. It's hard to say much about someone you've spent just an evening with, but if you feel like you ought to say something, you come up with something complimentary and factual.

His parents might not have thought your chat and manners were anything out of the ordinary, but they thought you were remarkably attractive.

How would you feel if they hadn't said anything at all about you?