To be surprised she told her husband my secret....

[Writerwannabe83]

A few months ago I confided something to my best friend and asked her not to tell anyone.

A comment made to me this this morning by her DH indicated to me that she had repeated to him what I'd said.

I just got off the phone to her and she openly said that yes she had told her DH but didn't think that would be a problem as her DH wasn't just 'anyone' in her eyes and they tell each other everything. She said had I specified that I didn't want her to tell anyone, including her husband, then obviously she would never have said anything to him. She told me she thought it was normal for married couples to share and that it was strange that I was surprised they had been discussing me.

It wasn't a major secret or anything horrific so I'm not overly annoyed at her, I do know her husband quite well and this won't affect any of our friendships or any thing, but I still feel a bit confused.

Would you share with your husband something you'd been asked to keep quiet about just because he's your husband and "that's what married couples do"?

[OddFodd]

Hmm let me see everlong - at least two affairs, an abortion, two rapes, genital herpes, childhood sexual abuse, DV ....

All things friends have told me about over the years. All of which I've never told anyone about.

As someone said downthread, if your friends had wanted your husbands to know their secrets, they would have told him themselves. The more I think about this, the more I think it's a horrible faux intimacy built around other people's secrets.

[Gileswithachainsaw]

Wow I'm fucking crazy :o

Yeah, I'm the crazy one :o

Least I know what "anyone"wants without needing to fill out a check list for my friends before they speak

[EvansOvalPiesYumYum]

There are some things that do need to be shared between yourselves, though. Such as - friends borrowing a substantial amount of money from us. Male friend asked DP for this money, asked him not to tell me, his wife didn't know about it. DP said he couldn't possibly loan him such an amount of money without telling me. This was a confidence that he had to share with me. This was several years ago, friend's wife still knows nothing about it, friend has repaid 2/3rds of the sum loaned, still a lot owed. If I had found out that DP had kept this from me, I would be livid. No-one else knows about the situation, at all, absolutely no-one (in real life)
I feel a bit guilty, though, about female friend not knowing - she would be equally livid knowing that we all know about the loan and she doesn't. If she ever finds out, that's the sort of secret that could cause an issue.

[Gileswithachainsaw]

Yes but presumably he still went ahead with accepting the loan knowing that you would have to be told?

That's the difference, he knew.

[Gileswithachainsaw]

Talk away :o

[EvansOvalPiesYumYum]

He knew, but his wife doesn't, five years later. She is equally a friend, and I feel dreadful about that. Divided loyalties.

[EvansOvalPiesYumYum]

Point is, I'm a bit cross about it, but neither DP nor I have ever mentioned it to anyone. The confidence is completely safe, and if the money is never repaid, no-one still need ever know. (apart from on here, of course, where no-one knows us)

[Gileswithachainsaw]

[Gileswithachainsaw]

[Gileswithachainsaw]

I'm all ears :o

Just my ears though. I won't even tell the pets!!

[Thurlow]

Can I have a glass too please? Maybe being drunk with help me understand some of these opinions...

[Gileswithachainsaw]

[Thurlow]

Ta

[Gileswithachainsaw]

[Gileswithachainsaw]

:o