To be surprised she told her husband my secret....

[Writerwannabe83]

A few months ago I confided something to my best friend and asked her not to tell anyone.

A comment made to me this this morning by her DH indicated to me that she had repeated to him what I'd said.

I just got off the phone to her and she openly said that yes she had told her DH but didn't think that would be a problem as her DH wasn't just 'anyone' in her eyes and they tell each other everything. She said had I specified that I didn't want her to tell anyone, including her husband, then obviously she would never have said anything to him. She told me she thought it was normal for married couples to share and that it was strange that I was surprised they had been discussing me.

It wasn't a major secret or anything horrific so I'm not overly annoyed at her, I do know her husband quite well and this won't affect any of our friendships or any thing, but I still feel a bit confused.

Would you share with your husband something you'd been asked to keep quiet about just because he's your husband and "that's what married couples do"?

[OPohdear]

Coldlightofday, would you prioritise your life partner over your child?

No, equal relationship value. The difference is you choose your DP, but not your children...

[Nosleeptillbedtime]

I wouldn't tell my dh but I know a lot of women do this. I think it is a bit off, but there you go.

[motherinferior]

Please stop throwing around facile accusations of 'bitterness', and the lip-smacking predictions about how we're all going to be left on the shelf.

[motherinferior]

I am now going to admit, heretically no doubt, that I don't particularly want to go through the minutiae of Mr Inferior's day with him. I have quite enough boredom in my own, thanks.

[OPohdear]

if your child asked you to keep something confidential, would you honour that?

Not sure it's relevant but it depends on what it is. If it's something I think my DW should know about I'd tell her. And I probably would be careful about telling my DC that I'd keep it confidential, give myself a bit of wiggle room.

[TequilaMockingbirdy]

It's still ridiculous and sad if you can't be told a secret without telling it to someone else. Weak, untrustworthy and irresponsible.

[TillyTellTale]

My husband is my best friend and I keep my friends' confidences. Am I a freak?

[TheRealAmandaClarke]

tequilla spot on.

[Gileswithachainsaw]

No I think your normal tilly

Most normal people can keep a secret

[ExcuseTypos]

Agree Everlong.

Maybe they need someone to talk too

[flatbellyfella]

If someone tells me something in confidence, it stays with me.

[OddFodd]

This thread has made me realise why so many of my friends confide in me. I've always liked to imagine it's because they trust me to listen and give good advice.

However, it's obviously because I'm single and no one can trust those of their friends 'with a fella' (and that really was a sterling post everlong).

[TequilaMockingbirdy]

I think I'd be more likely to confide in a single friend thanks to some people on this thread. How they can condone it I don't know.

[EvansOvalPiesYumYum]

My DP and I are able to share every confidence, in the knowledge that it will be safe from the outside world. However, we have two married friends (who have been our friends for many, many years) to whom we would not tell anything. I have, in the past, confided in my friend M, who then (as I found out later) told her husband R, who proceeded to blurt it out in the pub after a couple of beers.

When I confronted M, she said "Oh, but we tell each other everything, we have no secrets". So I learned the hard way not to confide in her again. Because I know now that R will tell everyone over a beer.

As far as I am concerned, if someone tells me/us something in confidence, then that precisely how it will remain (unless, in the unlikely event someone's life may be in danger). If I thought my partner could not keep his mouth shut, or vice versa, then we wouldn't tell each other anything.

In answer to the OP, it depends how much you trust your other half, I suppose. If you know you can trust him totally, then no problem, otherwise don't share. If I were you, I wouldn't be confiding in your friend again, though, as her husband clearly doesn't understand the rules of "in confidence".

[Thurlow]

That's the point, everlong. When it does happen, once or twice in your life, it's generally so personal that you don't want it shared at all. If it's that rare, how hard is to respect your friend's wishes and not tell anyone?

[Gileswithachainsaw]

Great another one missing the point.

IT'S NOT ABOUT YOUBEING ABLE TO TRUST YOUR DH

The point is you shouldn't have told him whether you could trust him or not

[TequilaMockingbirdy]

I wouldn't 'lighten up' about the fact my friend had thought it her business to discuss my secret with her DH. Yeah go ed, have a good gossip and a talk about it, which is exactly what you'd do. You'd say what you really thought about it, passing comment, getting 'feedback' on something that isn't yours to discuss.

[ExcuseTypos]

But people do tell their partnerships and it will continue to happen.