To be surprised she told her husband my secret....

[Writerwannabe83]

A few months ago I confided something to my best friend and asked her not to tell anyone.

A comment made to me this this morning by her DH indicated to me that she had repeated to him what I'd said.

I just got off the phone to her and she openly said that yes she had told her DH but didn't think that would be a problem as her DH wasn't just 'anyone' in her eyes and they tell each other everything. She said had I specified that I didn't want her to tell anyone, including her husband, then obviously she would never have said anything to him. She told me she thought it was normal for married couples to share and that it was strange that I was surprised they had been discussing me.

It wasn't a major secret or anything horrific so I'm not overly annoyed at her, I do know her husband quite well and this won't affect any of our friendships or any thing, but I still feel a bit confused.

Would you share with your husband something you'd been asked to keep quiet about just because he's your husband and "that's what married couples do"?

Yes, Giles, the news of a friend's pregnancy... such a burden to bear.

I think that poster was cordelia chase :o

"It was the most traumatic day of mylife and she's trying to make it about her leg"

(After confessing she got a girl with her car)

I wouldn't say idiot, I'd say naive.

I can actually understand why you're angry and upset if you've told things you wouldn't want your friend's Dh to know, but as this thread shows, we genuinely think the friend would presume a Dh might be told. You can name call as much as you like, but many many people do it.

Hit

I think this thread proves that 50% know that people share confidences with their other halves and 50% don't know.

At least you know now! Feel grateful for this thread and check next time that something won't be shared with a partner. and stop getting het up

I don't think it's naive or idiotic or anything else. Perhaps we just mix with different types of people. I'd be appalled if someone decided to share some gossip with me because I was their 'life partner' and would definitely think less of them for doing so.

'I think this thread proves that 50% know that people share confidences with their other halves and 50% don't know.'

That's not what I've taken from the thread at all.

Anyone who assumes that everyone else shares their morals and gets outraged when they find out they don't is an idiot naive. This thread proves you can't just assume people don't tell their partners everything. DPs are not just 'anyone' and it's wrong to put somebody in a position where they have to keep something from the most important person in their life.

BTW, if it was irrelevant, or meaningless to dh, I wouldn't bother... Probably be filed somewhere in my head under that friend's name. My worst thing is forgetting what they have told me!

I mean I don't keep secrets from him, but neither do I feel the need to pass on inane chatter. If I 'needed' to unburden myself, I am quite able to be suitably elusive. I learnt the lesson of a lost friendship age 13 from passing on the wrong information. Still feel ashamed now. it was was a friend asking about periods, me having not started, asked my gran who obviously had experinced a lifetime of them. Me saying to friend, I couldn't answer your question so I asked my gran's advice, and her NEVER speaking to me again.... Lesson so learnt... She afterwards spread nasty things about my gran (who had not thought it necessary to speak to anyone else other than give me information), and had other people totally exclude me, and give me the silent treatment, all of which I knew I deserved, but it still hurt (hurts!), because I thought I was helping! Anyway. We were only 13. So I learnt a lot about being circumspect. Wouldn't happen nowadays mind... You can google stuff now!

I don't see it as a big deal. I keep confidences, trivial stuff, but not secrets from him (well unless it is a gift or something, I can tell the difference), and where safeguarding is concerned... Well. Share any disclosure ONLY with the correct person (not even colleagues). Since the whole friend thing I have kept secrets I have never told anyone! Lol. Since being married and doing safeguarding training, I know how to distinguish between different types of information.

I'd take a dim view of a 'life partner' who blabbed to me about sensitive things their friend had confided in them. I'd think my 'life partner' was a cock actually.

I tell you what I've learnt from this thread.

That there is no end to why people will say and do to justify breaking their friends confidence and when that doesn't work tey try to turn it around on the friend or make out anyone who disagrees with them has some kind of "issue"

End to what

iPhone on way out

Squoosh, I assume you're not with someone who does that. I personally chose someone to marry who talks to me about whats on his mind/bothering him- whether that's a work issue or a friend he's worried about.

Poor choice of 'life partner' ExcuseTypos if he can't cope with the odd friend confiding in him. Or can he cope quite well actually but you can't cope with not knowing all the gossip?

What a surprising and not at all expected conclusion you've come to there Everlong.

I think this thread proves that 50% know that people share confidences with their other halves and 50% don't know.

You're skipping over the fact that 50% (assuming it's half-and-half) say we do not do this. The way you put it makes it sound as if everyone does it, but some people do it without realising others do.

Personally I think your in trouble of your partner is your best friend. If they leave you have no one you could trust as much.

I've been happily married for 25 years thank you Squoosh. He's a fantastic DH.