To be surprised she told her husband my secret....

[Writerwannabe83]

A few months ago I confided something to my best friend and asked her not to tell anyone.

A comment made to me this this morning by her DH indicated to me that she had repeated to him what I'd said.

I just got off the phone to her and she openly said that yes she had told her DH but didn't think that would be a problem as her DH wasn't just 'anyone' in her eyes and they tell each other everything. She said had I specified that I didn't want her to tell anyone, including her husband, then obviously she would never have said anything to him. She told me she thought it was normal for married couples to share and that it was strange that I was surprised they had been discussing me.

It wasn't a major secret or anything horrific so I'm not overly annoyed at her, I do know her husband quite well and this won't affect any of our friendships or any thing, but I still feel a bit confused.

Would you share with your husband something you'd been asked to keep quiet about just because he's your husband and "that's what married couples do"?

No. People really do this?

I've done jury service twice without telling DH anything I shouldn't as it happens.

'Arf' at all these married women telling their OH secrets they've been asked not to tell anyone and then expecting their OH to do the very thing they themselves are incapable of i.e. keeping it to themselves!

Anyone who cannot keep a confidence is untrustworthy IMO. Being married is no excuse to betray someone's confidence, unless the person has been daft enough to divulge info about your own spouse. I grew up with my own mother being like this - she could never keep anything to herself, to the point I would not confide anything in her precisely because I knew she'd tell my dad and he was the last person if want knowing anything about my business.

yes i probably would share, i share most of not everything with my OH

Unless it directly affected my H,, I wouldn't tell him and often don't anyway even when not sworn to secrecy

If people confide in me, they can trust me not to blab their business to anyone

I always tell my DH this sort of stuff. I simply wouldn't assume "don't tell anyone" means "don't tell your DH either". DH would then be told its confidential of course but I wouldn't have even thought about it until your thread.

DH is unlikely to be even vaguely interested but I would tell him.

He's in trouble when she sees him

I do tell DH everything really unless specifically told not to yes but he's not silly enough to let on.

I have kept 1 secret from him but that belonged to a mutual friend whose DH he is also friends with and it would have been inappropriate to share.

Still all came out in the end then and I was in the shit for knowing and not telling him.

I wouldn't. But then I'm a hcp and confidentiality rules have been drummed into me for many years now!

I don't repeat a confidence to anyone.

I have friends who tell their partners ....everything I find it odd.

Yep i share everything with DH.

As family i have only my elderly mother - so would tell him anything about her. My friends are really only of mild interest to him, so although he listens to anything i tell him about them and will chat about them with me, it mostly gets stored under 'DWs gossip' in his brain - he definitely wouldn't remember think of mentioning it to them if he saw them.

I really wouldn't want some of you as friends. The ones who think it's ok to tell other people's personal business to their own husbands/partners.One of my friends did this to me once.I made sure I never confided any secrets about myself again and I don't really see her in the same way any more either. If you feel the need to share everything with your partner then at least let the other person know that 1st.
If someone tells me a secret then I don't tell anyone. A promise is a promise as far as I am concerned.

Yep I do this too ! Sorry OP.

I tell my DH everything and so does he. So if even my closest friend tells me not to tell anyone, I'm not thinking of my DH.

Let this be a lesson to you, OP. it certainly is for me.

If someone asks you not to tell anyone then why would you think that your husband is excluded from that. Please don't tell anyone means just that.
If you're so emotionally incontinent that you can't cope without telling your husband, you should tell your friends before they confide in you. That way they can make an informed decision about whether they want your husband to know.

I think it depends on what the secret was. If it was something I was expected to give advice on then I may discuss it with dp to ensure I am giving the right/best advice although I may not necessarily tell him who the secret related to.

However I don't see anything wrong with her telling him.

I generally don't pass on confidential things, even to husband.

Everyone telling one special person is how confidential information makes it all over town!

This happens. People don't count what they tell their DH as telling secrets. I sometimes tell my DH things that I probably shouldn't but I know he wouldn't pass it on or say anything. But if I tell somebody I won't tell anyone then I don't tell anyone at all.

I wouldn't tell my DH anything at all if he was a big mouth like your friends DH. Ordinarily I will confide in him, but if the person telling me has said to not tell anyone I would keep it to myself.

I'd assume "please don't tell anyone" would mean exactly that.

the only way to keep something secret, is to not tell anyone.

The idea that a secret is something you only tell to your closest friend(s) breaks down because they only tell it to their closest friend(s).