To be surprised she told her husband my secret....

[Writerwannabe83]

A few months ago I confided something to my best friend and asked her not to tell anyone.

A comment made to me this this morning by her DH indicated to me that she had repeated to him what I'd said.

I just got off the phone to her and she openly said that yes she had told her DH but didn't think that would be a problem as her DH wasn't just 'anyone' in her eyes and they tell each other everything. She said had I specified that I didn't want her to tell anyone, including her husband, then obviously she would never have said anything to him. She told me she thought it was normal for married couples to share and that it was strange that I was surprised they had been discussing me.

It wasn't a major secret or anything horrific so I'm not overly annoyed at her, I do know her husband quite well and this won't affect any of our friendships or any thing, but I still feel a bit confused.

Would you share with your husband something you'd been asked to keep quiet about just because he's your husband and "that's what married couples do"?

[differentnameforthis]

I'm a bit bemused by all these people telling "secrets" to their friends confused I'm intrigued by what they might be, especially for people who are married and already have someone to offload secrets on...if you honestly need something to be kept quiet, why would you leak it out to people?

Does it matter? The op hasn't done anything wrong. And people are allowed to share things with others that they don't want others to know. In the case of those telling, perhaps, for many reasons they are unable to tell their spouse, partner etc.

You hardly 'leak' your own information, do you!!

[iseenodust]

I wouldn't have told DH if asked not to tell anyone.
All those who would do so wouldn't have kept the confidence so why assume your DH would? It's a double standard. You are two people not one entity however long/fabulous your partnership.

[ikeaismylocal]

Do those of you who tell your partners your friend's secrets tell your dp all the other fairly dull stuff you talk about with your friends like that kate has got a new nailvarnish or that Amy is worried about her dc because she isn't walking at 16 months or that Vicky is thinking about starting an evening class in French?

If you just tell your dp the secrets it is gossiping in my opinion.

[AdeptusMechanicus]

When your specifically told do not tell anyone then that's what it means in my view.

[SarahAndFuck]

I wouldn't have told my DH.

Often my best friend will confide something in me and say "You can tell Mr Fuck but we don't want anyone else to know" but there have also been other times when she's said "Don't tell anyone" and I know that includes DH.

[Doooooowop]

Unless you said not to specifically tell my DH I probably would, however my DH would have some bloody discretion and not let on that he knew.

[KeemaNaanAndCurryOn]

I don't tell my DH my friend's secrets. Being a good friend includes respecting what they ask you to keep to yourself.

[Schadenfraud]

YANBU. Your friend should have told you that she fully intended to tell her husband if that was the case.
Can't believe the hypocrisy on here!
How can it be acceptable to tell DH all your friends secrets? And if you think that it is acceptable and normal then why would you be annoyed if he let on he knew?
So you tell him all your friends personal info but deceive your friends into thinking he doesn't know? Nice.
Bloody hell what are friends for? If I wanted your DH to know Id tell him myself. And the outrage that anyone would expect you keep a secret from your DH? Double standards.

[motherinferior]

I trust all of you who do tell your partners stop their friends before they've said anything, making it absolutely clear that no they can't keep a secret?

[JamJimJam]

I always tell my dh things I have been told in confidence. It wouldn't occur to me not to and I know he would never repeat anything.

He would to the same with me. In a non sickly way, we do tell each other everything.

Sometimes I feel quite burdened by friends' problems; it helps to offload.

[motherinferior]

I'm really horrified by these.

[squoosh]

I hope you let your friends know that you blab all to your husband.

[motherinferior]

If you can't cope with knowing someone's secret, tell them before you betray their confidence.

[OwlCapone]

I always tell my dh things I have been told in confidence. It wouldn't occur to me not to and I know he would never repeat anything.

Then you really don't understand what "in confidence" means then do you? Do you "know" he would never repeat anything in the same way a friend "knows" you wouldn't?

If he would genuinely never repeat anything that makes him a better person than you.

[mercibucket]

how come this is coming as a surprise to some of you? thats what baffles me.

[motherinferior]

It's a surprise because I like to think well of people rather than assume most of them betray their friends' privacy.

[OwlCapone]

how come this is coming as a surprise to some of you? thats what baffles me.

What is baffling about thinking "don't tell anyone" means "don't tell anyone." The clue is in the word anyone.

Is there some alternative definition of "anyone" that I don't know about?

[motherinferior]

My partner is a lovely, discreet and sensible person. He would keep utterly silent about private information. He might have an interesting perspective on it.

That's not the point, though.

And frankly if you feel so 'burdened' by other people's confidences, tell them you're passing them on and I'm sure they'll dry up smartish.

[Sparklingbrook]

I am always keeping secrets longer than required after things become common knowledge. then when someone else entirely tells me the 'secret' I am all panicked.

[SelectAUserName]

Sparkling I do that too. Then I have the whole "I hope Original Friend told this person themselves and they don't think it was me!" worry, even though common sense should tell me that if someone else knows and I know I didn't tell them, then obviously Original Friend must have told someone else!

[Bumpsadaisie]

I tend to assume, unless particularly asked not to tell DH, that he is excluded from the general population.

He is very discreet though, and I would of course tell him not to tell anyone.

[lynniep]

I did not tell my DH something that a friend had asked me to keep secret. When he found out that I hadn't told him (I can't remember how) he was really very upset (because I didn't tell him, not because the information was that interesting to him).
In his opinion I should have told him and I clearly hold my friends in higher regards than him. In my opinion I was asked to keep some information secret, so I did. She didn't specify that I wasn't to tell DH. I just assumed 'don't tell anyone' meant exactly that.
I still believe I was right actually.

[Salazar]

I think you kinda have to accept that you tell a couple the secret when you tell one of them. I don't think it is necessarily a problem if both are trustworthy.

[HavannaSlife]

If I was asked not to tell anyone then I wouldn't tell anyone. I doubt dp would want to know my friends secrets anyway