To think that pregnant women don't trump everybody else for a seat on the tube?

[dancersdad]

I possibly need some perspective. DW and I were in London today, and unavoidably had to travel on the tube this evening in commuter rush hour. DW has a number of health issues that aren't physically visible, but definitely do impact upon her ability to stand on a crowded tube. When we got on at the start of our journey back the tube was packed with no free seats, so we both stood and I held onto DW as I was worried she was going to fall. The carriage was made up almost entirely of commuters. Two stops into our journey an elderly man got off leaving one of the priority seats free- the only free seat in the carriage. DW went to take the seat and was almost knocked onto the floor by a heavily pregnant woman who tried to slide into the seat alongside DW and beat her to it, as it was DW was already in the seat and the other woman stood up. She then told DW she was so sorry to ask her to move, but she was in a priority seat and as she was sure she knew, priority seats are reserved for those who really need them. DW told her that she had a reason for needing the priority seat too and refused to move when asked again. Cue a whole string of abuse about how no one has any manners nowadays, that she had asked DW to give up her seat for her because as a woman she would expect DW to understand that pregnancy can be hell, the least she could do would be to let her have the seat etc. I stepped in at this point and explained that DW really did need the seat, and loudly suggested to the rest of the carriage that I was sure someone else would be willing to give up a seat for her. Suddenly everyone else was deeply engrossed in their ipads, kindles etc, except for an elderly lady in the other priority seat who clearly needed it too, and offered her seat. The pregnant woman announced loudly that she couldn't possibly ask someone else who needed the seat to give it up, and it was a shame that some people (glaring at DW) had no respect for the priority system, which is in place to ensure those who really need a seat can get one. I pointed out again that DW had a genuine need for the seat too. Cue huffing, eye rolling, and lurching over DW whenever the train changed speed for the rest of her journey.

AIBU to think that although some pregnant women do need a seat on a tube, they shouldn't assume automatic priority over others also in need? There's no priority seat ranking system I don't know about?

She didn't have to - why do you think she should have? No one is obliged to give their medical details when travelling on public transport. I wouldn't. The badge counts for nothing, it doesn't make the pregnant woman more entitled to a seat because she chose to wear it than anyone else with a right to a priority seat.

I've got a badge and you haven't so you have to move? No, that's daft.

Op couldnt utter more than , I need this seat

Thats right. Because she doesn't have to. Although I believe this one has already been covered

Because it is hard enough to get a bloody seat on the tube when pregnant with a giant bump. It is bloody impossible to get one in the first trimester when morning sickness et al make you want to curl up on the floor and die.

And people on tubes don't give up their seats for pregnant women, whether priority or not, or indeed the disabled or the elderly. The common decency on the tube is non-existent.

Absolutely none of which has to do with OP/OP wife's actions. They were at the mercy of their fellow passengers as much as the pregnant woman. Most of whom were young twenty/thirty something's who would have spent an hour in the gym but can't be arsed to use their muscles standing on a train.

Sorry rant over.

The badges are one way of trying to help pregnant women. They should not take priority over other people who need the priority seats but they can be useful in shaming healthy people into giving up their seats.

Also handy for the is she pregnant/is she overweight conundrum.

Beyond I have stated numerous times why I didn't say anything else, and each time you have chosen to ignore it.

Thank you to everyone who has been understanding.

Wearing the Baby On Board badge is not obligatory. Women can get it if they choose. I never bothered.

I'm just really sorry that no-one stood up for the DW and the pregnant lady. That's just wrong.

If someone who isn't visibly pregnant is wearing a baby in board badge and I spot it, I will offer them my seat; I will offer my seat to visibly pregnant women; if I'm not sure then I won't offer but of course will give up seat if asked. That to me is the only advantage of the badge.

I find my badge useful as I am overweight and so would have caused the pregnant/weight confusion. However I leave it in my bag and only put it on when I really feel like standing is going to cause me issues.

Or the time when I got on the tube and sat in a spare seat - not overly full train and two spare seats - she sat in the other one and then started ranting loudly about some people being so inconsiderate about not letting a pregnant lady sit down - a friend she was with was pregnant and did look very poorly. I had my badge on my coat as my back was killing me but not visable so I zipped it up and she very quickly stood up and let her friend sit down - she was not visably pregnant!!! It did seem to halt the rant which was aimed at me!!!

I frequently go on the tube without it being on - and will happily stand if I feel ok to do so.

Crikey she sounds like a piece of work Noodle. Why didn't she let her friend sit anyway?!

I pondered this a lot - luckily it was only 3 stops. To be honest I nearly stood up again as her friend was looking mightly green.

Did feel bad as my back was killing having been to a concert so self inflicted.

I rarely use the priority seats as I am pretty skilled at spotting when a seat will come free - too many years of commuting and basically being lazy!!!

Im pregnant it doesn't matter how bad a day id had I would NEVER speak to some body in that way!

So many people have such messed up views over what disability deserves what.

No the pregnant woman didn't deserve the seat over your wife and once she had been told that your wife also had a reason (no need to go into detail medical history is private and is no business of anyone elses)

The problem is they BOTH "deserve" it equally and theres no way to prioritise that other than a first come first serve basis.

Some pregnant women seriously think they deserve red carpets and for everyone to fall at their feet. These tend to be the ladies with very normal pregnancies who just think being pregnant gives you some right to dismiss everyone else's needs.

IME women who suffer badly throughout their pregnancy are the ones who are the most thoughtful of others and should probably be a little more selfish infact.

I am not surprised but still horrified that no one else moved out of their seats! But unfortunately that seem to be the world we live in these days.

(FYI havent read all the other posts so probably repeated whats already said but that my opinion)

Not caught up on the whole thread but to me it boils down to this.

Pregnant lady should not have tried to push dancersdadswife off her seat.

Dancersdadswife could have simply said "I would give up this seat if I could but I have a non-visible disability and do need it."

Pregnant lady then should have asked other people in the carriage one by one in a calm and polite manner if she could have their seat as she was pregnant and was worried about falling, felt ill, in pain, sick, faint, weak, tired or whatever.

EDs are considered both a mental and physical disability. You can get PIP for it as long as you have had the condition for at least 3 months and expect it to last for at least a further 9 months.

Pregnant lady didn't expect anyone with a genuine need for the seat to give it up as she wouldn't take a seat off the elderly lady. People do use the priority seats when there aren't any others available so you can't just assume everyone in them has a genuine need. I honestly don't think by dancersdadswife just saying "I need this seat" pregnant lady realised that meant she was pregnant or had a disability. Without the "because I'm pregnant/have a disability" it just sounds like you don't want to give the seat up.

Yes naopy I agree with our post there.

YANBU. I have a hidden disability and have painfully stood for entire tube journeys before just because I couldn't be arsed for the glares not did I want to have to explain myself. I'm a pushover in that sense. I wish I had someone like you to stand up for me on the tube!

(Stand up for me as in stick up for me - not give up your seat for me, although that would be lovely too if you had some sort of hidden-disability-detector )

Come late to the thread, but if somebody said "I need this seat", I would assume there was a reason for it, I wouldn't ask for an explanation. I would then hope somebody else would offer me a seat.