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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To think that pregnant women don't trump everybody else for a seat on the tube?

992 replies

dancersdad · 09/05/2014 19:34

I possibly need some perspective. DW and I were in London today, and unavoidably had to travel on the tube this evening in commuter rush hour. DW has a number of health issues that aren't physically visible, but definitely do impact upon her ability to stand on a crowded tube. When we got on at the start of our journey back the tube was packed with no free seats, so we both stood and I held onto DW as I was worried she was going to fall. The carriage was made up almost entirely of commuters. Two stops into our journey an elderly man got off leaving one of the priority seats free- the only free seat in the carriage. DW went to take the seat and was almost knocked onto the floor by a heavily pregnant woman who tried to slide into the seat alongside DW and beat her to it, as it was DW was already in the seat and the other woman stood up. She then told DW she was so sorry to ask her to move, but she was in a priority seat and as she was sure she knew, priority seats are reserved for those who really need them. DW told her that she had a reason for needing the priority seat too and refused to move when asked again. Cue a whole string of abuse about how no one has any manners nowadays, that she had asked DW to give up her seat for her because as a woman she would expect DW to understand that pregnancy can be hell, the least she could do would be to let her have the seat etc. I stepped in at this point and explained that DW really did need the seat, and loudly suggested to the rest of the carriage that I was sure someone else would be willing to give up a seat for her. Suddenly everyone else was deeply engrossed in their ipads, kindles etc, except for an elderly lady in the other priority seat who clearly needed it too, and offered her seat. The pregnant woman announced loudly that she couldn't possibly ask someone else who needed the seat to give it up, and it was a shame that some people (glaring at DW) had no respect for the priority system, which is in place to ensure those who really need a seat can get one. I pointed out again that DW had a genuine need for the seat too. Cue huffing, eye rolling, and lurching over DW whenever the train changed speed for the rest of her journey.

AIBU to think that although some pregnant women do need a seat on a tube, they shouldn't assume automatic priority over others also in need? There's no priority seat ranking system I don't know about? Confused

OP posts:
Morgause · 12/05/2014 14:49

Cue a whole string of abuse about how no one has any manners nowadays, that she had asked DW to give up her seat for her because as a woman she would expect DW to understand that pregnancy can be hell, the least she could do would be to let her have the seat etc.

Rude in this case.

BumpNGrind · 12/05/2014 15:40

Morgause, I think a lot of people on this thread have been far more rude than the pregnant woman is being accused of being. Also, how the pregnant woman somehow managed to shove another seated person onto the floor, but then was polite in apologising before having to ask her to move, still flummoxes me.

Morgause · 12/05/2014 15:43

Nowhere was it said she pushed someone onto the floor. She only tried to edge DW off but couldn't because of the arm thingies which stopped her being pushed off. Somewhere it says she was bruised by this.

DW went to take the seat and was almost knocked onto the floor by a heavily pregnant woman who tried to slide into the seat alongside DW and beat her to it, as it was DW was already in the seat and the other woman stood up.

BumpNGrind · 12/05/2014 15:46

It says she was nearly knocked onto the floor, apologies for leaving the word nearly out.

I cant see how a standing person can do this to a seated person.

Daisymasie · 12/05/2014 15:49

Regardless of whether other people on this thread have been rude, the pregnant woman handled the situation in a very aggressive and bad mannered way. I accept she may have been stressed and at the end of her tether after many evenings of having to stand on the train while no one offered her a seat. But that does not make it okay that she picked on a genuinely ill person who needed the seat. As I said earlier, I hope she was just having a bad day and was very embarrassed later when she had calmed down and could view her behaviour in perspective. I sincerely hope she had not decided to just 'stand up for herself' in future, regardless of who she had to verbally abuse.

ReadyToBreak · 12/05/2014 15:54

To be honest, if someone physically assaulted me on the tube in that manner I'd be doing them for assault!

BumpNGrind · 12/05/2014 16:07

It just seems more likely that the pregnant woman saw a free seat, didn't realise that the DW was going to sit down and tried to sit down herself. In the likely case that she was heavier, her centre of gravity is different and she didn't anticipate it, she could have then bumped the DW, realised, stood up sharply and the DW continued to sit down.

She then apologised to the DW and said sorry but could she move.

Hardly deserving of the vitriol she's received here.

BumpNGrind · 12/05/2014 16:09

Daisy, please expand on why we should disregard the vile rudeness of some posters on here, but then vilify a pregnant woman for supposedly displaying the same thing?

Daisymasie · 12/05/2014 16:51

I'm not saying it should be disregarded. I'm saying the fact that posters on here have been rude doesn't negate the OP's annoyance at the way the pregnant woman spoke to him and his wife. She behaved rudely, so did the other passengers who wouldn't offer a seat and yes, so have some posters on here.

Daisymasie · 12/05/2014 16:53

Up to the point that she asked the DW to move no, she didn't deserve criticism. But after that, in my view, her behaviour did warrant criticism because she was rude and unpleasant towards a woman who simply stated that she also needed the priority seat and wouldn't be giving it up. In that situation you just accept what someone is telling you, unless it's someone obviously taking the piss.

dancersdadswife · 12/05/2014 17:07

If I'm perfectly honest, what's upset me more on this thread is the number of people choosing not to believe my version of events. She tried to shove me off the seat and then tried to humiliate me into giving up my seat. It happened.

Beyond as I have stated numerous times, with all due respect you have no idea how difficult it is to explain to someone that you have an eating disorder. And given some of the attitudes on this thread and past experiences it honestly wouldn't surprised me if she hadn't accepted that as a reason to need the seat.

dancersdadswife · 12/05/2014 17:09

Bumpandgrind, she did apologise, yes. She then verbally attacked me when I told her I needed the seat too.

TequilaMockingbirdy · 12/05/2014 17:12

dancersdad sod the naysayers, they'll say anything to try and defend this woman. You know what happened, and I think you and your DP were completely right. I hope your next journeys aren't like that.

Daisymasie · 12/05/2014 17:15

I agree with Tequila.

BumpAndGrind · 12/05/2014 17:23

I'm bumpandgrind. I think you were talking to bumpngrind.

I agree with the other bump though.

I really need to get on with that name change.....

TheDoctrineOfSnatch · 12/05/2014 18:24

"Tequila, do you understand that these seats are marked out for heavily pregnant women. "

AND for the disabled and those less able to stand - I have linked to the exact TFL text upthread.

I take "a reason for needing the seat" as apting to one of those three listed reasons.

NeedsAsockamnesty · 12/05/2014 19:30

I have to declare that I have a disability every time I park my car that is what displaying my bb is doing or should it be just enough for me to say

Well I need this space

parentalunit · 12/05/2014 19:37

London is U. Next time this happens, tap one of the perfectly healthy people who are suddenly very busy on the shoulder, and ask them to please stand. They usually will (after looking around for help, which they will not receive).

Morgause · 12/05/2014 19:49

Needs DW didn't need a badge she was entitled to the priority seat. Not sure what you're getting at.

NeedsAsockamnesty · 12/05/2014 20:15

I'm not getting at anything at all,I'm just saying.

That may very well be because somehow I have managed to get my head stuck about 10 pages back and needed to empty my head Grin

BeyondRepair · 12/05/2014 20:21

Needs DW didn't need a badge she was entitled to the priority seat

But pregnant woman was wearing a badge, its OK for her to have to do something some of you think un dignified [cross].

I have three disabled family members who have badges and with DM I am always having to tell people she is disabled and needs help.

But then, I don/t expect other people to know everything about us..

BeyondRepair · 12/05/2014 20:22

I have to declare that I have a disability every time I park my car

Yes this is the way go to go apparently.

I need this.

BrianTheMole · 12/05/2014 20:28

But then, I don/t expect other people to know everything about us..

And nor should they.

Morgause · 12/05/2014 20:30

It's up to her whether or not to wear a badge. But it doesn't make her any more entitled to a seat than a disabled or elderly person equally entitled.

BeyondRepair · 12/05/2014 20:33

yes but she has gone to the trouble of clearly labelling herself, even with a massive big bump....

Op couldnt utter more than , I need this seat.

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